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Keeping Yourself Honest

You can change how you think.

The mind is infinitely creative, but also extremely habituating. This blinds the mind from its own creativity and flexibility. In plain language: you have the power to change. But once you get set in your ways, you forget this power. Your thought habits actually change your brain, by forming and strengthening neural pathways, much like a path in a forest is formed by constant foot-traffic. In your brain, there are infinite potential paths, but to form a new path, you must imagine it, then walk it, and let the old path grow over and disappear.

The mind is somehow pre-empting the cognitive dissonance that would occur if you were totally honest with yourself. We’ll go through some of these limiting thoughts but the first thing you want to say is “They’re all bullshit.”

If some of these limiting thoughts were true, they might be painful. I think the best thing to do when it comes to getting your mind on your side is honesty to yourself and those around you and having self awareness.

You want someone who is going to keep you honest.

Your first goal should be to develop self-honesty so that you don’t need other people. So that by habit you’re able to look at yourself and see the truth – as close as you can get to it.

The big fear about this is that If you’re truly honest with yourself, it’s going to hurt. So, you try to get away from that. The truth is, it doesn’t hurt so much. I know from personal experience, especially when I’m with people that I can talk openly with about myself without getting teased or having it thrown back in my face.

When you open up and tell somebody an insecurity you have, some are going to react negatively and some are going to react positively. When I’m around these positive people, I tend to talk more about what’s going on in my head. I don’t have to hide what I’m thinking.

When I’m with these people a lot of the time it’s very self deprecating and I’m constantly just airing everything out. Kind of like when you put shoes that smell funky outside in the sun and that’s really the best thing for ‘em, just to clear out that bacteria.

It’s really just about getting new air going through the fibers and allowing in some sunlight. It’s similar when it comes to your mind, just being able to look at your thoughts, look at your thought processes, and look at your fears without feeling a lot of discomfort – without feeling dissonance.

Surrender

Surrender is what you want her to do. It’s what she wants to do.

Instead of spending time on learning lines, routines and tricks, become a man women want to surrender to.

True control must first be given. Why would she give you control?

Why do YOU give control? What makes you trust a coach, a politician, or someone else in a leadership position?

You can only lead another if they trust you with Control.

The steps are small at first. You say something to her, and she turns to talk to you.

Essentially you said, “I want to take control” and you non-verbally told her whether you BELIEVE she should give it to you or not.

This is what’s meant by the saying, “It’s not what you say but how you say it.” The way you carry yourself tells her if you are a leader or not.

This is why Deception-based “game” sounds great on a PUA forum, but doesn’t work in real life. Women are hardwired to detect deception in men. They are on high alert for it. There’s a lot at stake if she gives control to the wrong guy.

It takes less time, to become a leader, than it does to learn PUA routines. The results are permanent and require less and less effort over time.

Why should she surrender to you? Why would you give control to a coach, politician, or someone else in a leadership position. What emotions do you need to feel? These are the Gates of Control.

Is she in good hands with you?

IS she safe?

Can you give her pleasure, or learn how?

Her desire is to let go of control, as yours is to take control. She doesn’t give you sex, she gives you control. This is what women mean when they say “I’m not ready to give it up.”

Seen this way, pressuring women into having sex is very low.

Letting go is scary. Surrender requires courage. Respect her for this.

What an honor to be trusted!

Trust requires respect. The shortest path to respect is honesty and integrity – inseparable in practice.

Embrace is an opening movement, as Thrust is a penetrating movement.

Fully opened, she is fully surrendered.

Fully surrendered she is in ecstasy, oblivion, filled beyond thought.

Fuck her brains out.

The Fastest Way To Improve Your Self Esteem

I’ve struggled with social anxiety, depression, and self-esteem issues my whole life, up until my mid 20s. I fixed it (wasn’t easy but worth the effort) and became a dating coach for men (7 years ago). That’s how drastic the transformation was.

What I’m going to say here was a HUGE KEY to that change.

Affirmations, theory, anything that starts with “You just have to realize/understand/believe” etc is usually useless. Not because it’s wrong, but it’s not actionable.

Here’s what works, NOW.

Volunteer.

Find out where and how you can give your time to those less fortunate than you, or those more lonely than you. Help out in after-school programs in low-income neighborhoods (churches, schools, community centers). See if you can volunteer in a nursing home, or center for people with special needs. If you have the heart, try a children’s hospital (may have to go through a tough screening process).

Neuroticism and low-self esteem come from focusing on yourself too much, which usually turns negative. Your problems become huge monsters in your mind and you lose perspective. You forget your blessings.

The most common thing I see with guys who struggle socially is that they don’t really do much for anyone else. They are often very self-centered (even though call themselves “nice guys”). They want to “get” validation from others, trying to use “game” to “seduce” women or be more “alpha” in status.

When a student starts telling me all the things wrong in his life, here is my response.

What do you do for others? What aspect of your life helps other people? Who is important to you? Do they know it? If you can’t show people you love that they are special to you, how can you give good feelings to someone you just met?

You don’t connect with people by using them to fulfill your perceived “needs” (i.e. the illusion that you are not enough).

Change happens through action. To change for the better, take good action. But start small if you are an introvert, so you don’t overwhelm yourself. Volunteer one day a week, in ADDITION to other social activities.

When you volunteer, you feel proud of yourself. And your problems don’t seem as big a deal. You meet with people who are REALLY struggling, and you connect with them because you are GIVING, not taking.

This is the fastest, most effective way to develop REAL, long-term High Self Esteem.

What’s really sad is that I never here any PUA dudes or any seduction/dating advice sites talking about this. It’s all about how to trick people into liking you. Sad, small-minded thinking IMO.

Oh and a bonus: a lot of cute single women volunteer, with the hope of possibly meeting a guy in the back of their minds. I’m saying this from experience.

Thrust and Embrace

Animus:
Purpose; intention, animating spirit. The masculine principle, especially as present in women

-you know her because she’s a part of you.

Anima: soul; life. The inner personality that is turned toward the unconscious of the individidual. The feminine principle, especially as present in men.

-she knows you because you are a part of her.

Persona: the mask or facade presented to satisfy the demands of the situation or the environment and not representing the inner personality of the individual.

-the wall between us

You are God’s Gift to Women, and Them to You.

She to You, You to Her.

She is a context through which you experience, and come to know yourself relative to her.

Yin and Yang:two principles, one negative, dark, and feminine (Yin), and one positive, bright and masculine (yang), whose interaction influence the destinies of creatures and things.

She Embraces your Thrust.

She is what she looks like, what you hope she is.

Thrust into her, make her feel you, feel like a woman, like her Self. She comes, alive.

It’s your nature, your direction, your essence, your animal spirit. Your movement – outward – impacting other, impacting her most directly.

Every choice, thought, word, and deed reverberates, outward, into the universe through Consciousness.

What do you declare?

Make her feel your passion, your choice, your focus, your energy.

Make her know you deeply within her, the part of her that knows thrust, the opposite complementary reflection. She was born for you.

Her mind reflects her body. Her body reflects her soul. Her spirit her nature, her essence.

Nurturance

“I need your help.”

I was a senior in high school, at a house party talking to my friend’s older sister. She told me these four words were the most powerful words you could say to a woman.

13 years later, I get it.

Opposed, we fight, lie, and our attention is distracted, our energy depleted.

Together, we are strong, greater than the sum of our parts.

What bonds a man and a woman, over time, is the direction they move towards. They are a team – a life-team. A team requires contribution from all parties.

Let Her help you.

Has a woman ever taught you anything? Everyone has something to teach you.

Instead of competing with her with frame games, or trying to assert higher value, encourage her to show her true self – her thoughts and feelings, and see if you can learn from her.

When she sees you want to be intimate with her because of who she is as a person, she will feel safe surrendering to you, because she knows you won’t abandon her after you have an orgasm.

Women need to nurture. The motherly instinct is there even as a toddler.

Women thrive interdependently, when they know they are wanted, needed, appreciated, and have helped another.

(My opinion on selfish women, money-chasers, is that they have never been encouraged, or expected, to care for a man. Or maybe they did and he took advantage, so her gold-digging is a reactionary self-protection mechanism.

More common, men assume women are gold-diggers, and treat them as such, so SOME women just go along with it. Men create gold-diggers by flaunting money to get sex, and never guiding the woman to express her Nurturing side).

The fastest way to a woman’s heart is by giving her a chance to help you in her own unique way.

This applies sexually.

Encourage and teach her to touch you, massage you, lick and suck you.

Your body is perfectly made for her to express herself as a woman. Your sore, overworked muscles, the stress and tension you take on at work, the mental walls you build to stay strong and not buckle…she can ease and relax you, excite you and cheer you up.

She wants to!

Give her the opportunity to feel feminine, by letting her nurture you.

Imagine being on a soccer team, but sitting the bench. You know you would excel if you got in the game, but the coach doesn’t think you’re ready.

Sure, it’s safe on the bench, maybe you can keep your warm-up gear on and joke with your teammates. But you want to get in the game and play, risk getting hurt, muddy, tired.

Let her PLAY.

Seduction Is Stupid-The end of the courtship model of dating

From Sexual Supremacy:
“Seduction belongs to historical trivia and folklore, a side note in our history. Robert Greene’s book, “The Art of Seduction” was an entertaining collection of anecdotes, not an instruction manual. Most of the tactics described don’t app ly to modern men. A man with a job, hobbies, friends and family – in other words, A LIFE – doesn’t have time to chase women around, and shouldn’t need to.
We don’t need a generation of pickup artists. We need leaders. We aren’t medieval courtesans trying to win favour with the noble class. Men put women on pedestals, and then try to manipulate and conquer them. This creates a lose-lose situation. The man loses time and integrity, the woman feels used, and both miss the chance to make a great connection.
By definition, seducing a woman presumes she should NOT sleep with you. If you are a leader, women SHOULD sleep with you, as you actually have high social value, and you have the ability to make them feel good. If you are trying to run game, and you spend a lot of time seducing women, you are operating at a very low social level.”

Dating as courtship is just as misguided. The only difference is that seduction is a bit more entertaining and fast-paced, while courtship is expensive and slow. Both are unnecessary, as they are games within the same weak frame.”

From wikipedia:
In colloquial language and fictional literature, seduction is the process of deliberately enticing a person, to lead astray, as from duty, rectitude, or the like; to corrupt, to persuade or induce to engage in sexual behaviour. The word seduction stems from Latin and means literally “to lead astray”.
Courtship is the period in a couple’s relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. During courtship, a couple get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or other such agreement. A courtship may be an informal and private matter between two people or may be a public affair, or a formal arrangement with family approval. Traditionally, in the case of a formal engagement, it has been perceived that it is the role of a male to actively “court” or “woo” a female, thus encouraging her to understand him and her receptiveness to a proposal of marriage.
A courtesan was originally a courtier, which means a person who attends the court of a monarch or other powerful person.[1] The modern use of the term for a prostitute or mistress of a man of rank[2] belies a much more complex heritage.
In feudal society, the court was the centre of government as well as the residence of the monarch, and social and political life were often completely mixed together. Prior to the Renaissance, courtesans served to convey information untrusted to servants to visiting dignitaries. In Renaissance Europe, courtiers played an extremely important role in upper-class society. As it was customary during this time for royal couples to lead separate lives—commonly marrying simply to preserve bloodlines and to secure political alliances—men and women would often seek gratification and companionship from people living at court. In fact, the verb to court originally meant “to be or reside at court”, and later came to mean “to behave as a courtier” and then “to pay amorous attention to somebody”.[3] The most intimate companion of a ruler was called the favourite.
A courtier (pron.: /ˈkɔːrtiə/; French: [kuʁtje]) is a person who is often in attendance at the court of a king or other royal personage.[1] Historically the court was the centre of government as well as the residence of the monarch, and the social and political life were often completely mixed together. A female courtier was called a courtesan, although today this name has come to be associated with female entertainers who served the upper classes (with or without sexual connotations).
Courtship as a social theoryCourtship is used by a number of theorists to explain gendering processes and sexual identity. Scientific research into courtship began in the 1980s after which time academic researchers started to generate theories about modern dating practices and norms. Both Moore and Perper found that, contrary to popular beliefs, courtship is normally triggered and controlled by women,[3][4] driven mainly by non-verbal behaviours to which men respond.
This is generally supported by other theorists who specialise in the study of body language.[5] There are some feminist scholars, however, who regard courtship as a socially constructed (and male-led) process organised to subjugate women.[6][7] Farrell reports, for example, that magazines about marriage and romantic fiction continue to attract a 98% female readership.[8] Systematic research into courtship processes inside the workplace[9][10] as well two 10-year studies examining norms in different international settings[11][12] continue to support a view that courtship is a social process that socialises both sexes into accepting forms of relationship that maximise the chances of successfully raising children. Whilst this may negatively impact women, particularly those seeking independence and equality at work,[13][14] it is argued that the majority of negative impacts accrue to men in the form of shorter life-expectancy, higher rates of suicide, alcoholism, homelessness and imprisonment.[15][16]

“The Script”
(aka the traditional script)
As men who are training to get elite-level results with women and “go beyond dating”, we must flip the script.We need to be aware of, and enact the opposite of the traditional dating dynamic. The traditional script is basically composed of four or five acts.
You see a woman and you put her on a pedestal in your mind. You put her above you mentally.
You walk up or you somehow get in to an interaction with her and you try to impress her.This is a logical strategy to use because if someone is above you, it makes sense that you would try to impress them.Then perhaps she gives you some attention. She maybe sees past your insecurity and your pedestal mentalitybecause that’s not that different from what she’s experienced her entire life. Hell, it’s what every other guy is doing.  She’s probably come to expect that and she decides to give you a chance.This, you think, is your big chance to be with an attractive woman –  so you get needy and put pressure on her. This could be calling her too much – or even in that first initial conversation being too pushy In terms of trying to force the conversation and maybe even trying to get her to come back to your place before it’s really appropriate, things like that.Act Four is she starts to pull away from you.  Now, this could be in a relationship that’s been going on for a while or this could be in the first 30 seconds (i.e. you approach, she gives you a chance, you try too hard to impress her, you get needy, she pulls away and doesn’t want to talk to you anymore.)Now, get this…The next timeyou see an attractive woman you start over at Act One (pedestal mentality). Only this time you’re carrying a lot of resentment and you’re frustrateddue to your failures. You also have the belief that women don’t like you, because that’s been your experience. So you’re starting over with even more insecurity and anger. (women can sense when a guy is used to being frustrated with women and it’s just not attractive)I know a lot of guys who are older or who are really just jaded and stuck in their ways having a very negative view of women – and that’s because they had this experience over and over and over. I don’t want you to be like that. As you get to your older years I want you looking back at all the great experiences you had with women. I want you feeling over all good about relationships and sex and romance – and this is what women want from you too.
“The Pedestal Mentality” – an insidious and destructive poison affecting the neo cortex that we are exposed to nonstop. Its subtle yet all-pervasive nature makes it all the more dangerous.The Pedestal Mentality is something we hear nonstop.  Not only in the media but among your peers, among your friends, it’s everywhere. It’s this idea that if a woman is attractive than she is somehow more valuable.  And most especially, it’s the idea that if a woman is attractive, than she is somehow more valuable THAN  YOU.So you see this on TV. For example, you could be watching Spike TV which is supposedly TV programing geared towards men – for men – and yet look at the ads on that channel. It’s a bunch of guys drinking beer and this hot babe walks in and they’re all like “Oh duuuude, she’s so hot. Oh my god. What should I do?” And then the commercial will be like one of the guys thinking of some ridiculous, clever way to impress the girl. Maybe he’ll open a beer bottle with his tongue and she’s like, “Ooh”.Something ridiculous like that…And basically this is a message saying:“With a woman who is good looking, she’s better than you. You have to impress her or even make an ass of yourself, appeasing her, so that she’ll do you the honor of talking to you. So that she’ll look down at you from her pedestal and be nice to you and maybe even grant you access to her precious vagina.“And that’s basically the message that we get everywhere.Now I think this message comes from two different places.I think one: it comes from you. You get this message from yourself and the things you have come to tell yourself in  your thoughts, your buddies have this message, you’re dad has this message, even women have this message. They’re also bombarded with it and they start to believe it. Now get this. There is also a hidden agenda in society from corporations – from companies and individuals that are trying to sell products by making you feel like you’re fundamentally inadequate – by making you feel like women are better than you. These voices imply that the only way you’re going to get laid, the only way women are going to like you, is if you buy This Deodorant, own That Car, have this kind of Haircut, or that you’re super buff, all of the above, or whatever else. Anything that’s trying to sell you something using attractive women leaning against it, or caressing the guy after he uses it, is basically saying women are more valuable than you. The idea that women, just because they’re pretty, makes them higher than you and you must appease them so that they give you the favor of having sex with you. This is the message that men are bombarded with all fucking day, 24/7. The sad thing is. This is wrong. It is not true. Not only is it not true but it’s harmful to you. Not only is it harmful to you, it’s harmful to women. Because do you honestly think that a woman wants to be surrounded with a bunch of pussies who think that she’s better than them? Do you think that women want to date a guy who puts her above himself? Do they want to date a guy who lowers himself and thinks he doesn’t deserve her and is constantly calling her, texting her, checking up on her, making sure she’s not sleeping with some other cooler, more rich, more handsome guy with a better car or a better fucking t shirt or whatever it is. Women don’t want guys to be like that. Women don’t want you to put them on a pedestal. Because it makes you act like a little bitch.A woman doesn’t want to sleep with a guy who is weak and who doesn’t feel he deserves her. So, let’s think about how this applies contextually. Specifically what happens? You see a woman. She’s attractive. That doesn’t mean she’s more valuable. That simply means she has a nice face, has nice features,  and you might be interested in having sex with her unless she’s a complete weirdo. If she’s cool enough, you’ll go for it. That’s all it means.But what ends up happening is you see the girl and you get the pedestal mentality. You put her on a pedestal in your mind. That’s the only place the pedestal exists, is in your mind. You put her on the pedestal and then you put too much thought in to what you’re going to say – in a subtle unconscious effort to impress her.
 
“The Pedestal Mentality” – an insidious and destructive poison affecting the neo cortex that we are exposed to nonstop. Its subtle yet all-pervasive nature makes it all the more dangerous.The Pedestal Mentality is something we hear nonstop.  Not only in the media but among your peers, among your friends, it’s everywhere. It’s this idea that if a woman is attractive than she is somehow more valuable.  And most especially, it’s the idea that if a woman is attractive, than she is somehow more valuable THAN  YOU.So you see this on TV. For example, you could be watching Spike TV which is supposedly TV programing geared towards men – for men – and yet look at the ads on that channel. It’s a bunch of guys drinking beer and this hot babe walks in and they’re all like “Oh duuuude, she’s so hot. Oh my god. What should I do?” And then the commercial will be like one of the guys thinking of some ridiculous, clever way to impress the girl. Maybe he’ll open a beer bottle with his tongue and she’s like, “Ooh”.Something ridiculous like that…And basically this is a message saying:“With a woman who is good looking, she’s better than you. You have to impress her or even make an ass of yourself, appeasing her, so that she’ll do you the honor of talking to you. So that she’ll look down at you from her pedestal and be nice to you and maybe even grant you access to her precious vagina.“And that’s basically the message that we get everywhere.Now I think this message comes from two different places.I think one: it comes from you. You get this message from yourself and the things you have come to tell yourself in  your thoughts, your buddies have this message, you’re dad has this message, even women have this message. They’re also bombarded with it and they start to believe it. Now get this. There is also a hidden agenda in society from corporations – from companies and individuals that are trying to sell products by making you feel like you’re fundamentally inadequate – by making you feel like women are better than you. These voices imply that the only way you’re going to get laid, the only way women are going to like you, is if you buy This Deodorant, own That Car, have this kind of Haircut, or that you’re super buff, all of the above, or whatever else. Anything that’s trying to sell you something using attractive women leaning against it, or caressing the guy after he uses it, is basically saying women are more valuable than you. The idea that women, just because they’re pretty, makes them higher than you and you must appease them so that they give you the favor of having sex with you. This is the message that men are bombarded with all fucking day, 24/7. The sad thing is. This is wrong. It is not true. Not only is it not true but it’s harmful to you. Not only is it harmful to you, it’s harmful to women. Because do you honestly think that a woman wants to be surrounded with a bunch of pussies who think that she’s better than them? Do you think that women want to date a guy who puts her above himself? Do they want to date a guy who lowers himself and thinks he doesn’t deserve her and is constantly calling her, texting her, checking up on her, making sure she’s not sleeping with some other cooler, more rich, more handsome guy with a better car or a better fucking t shirt or whatever it is. Women don’t want guys to be like that. Women don’t want you to put them on a pedestal. Because it makes you act like a little bitch.A woman doesn’t want to sleep with a guy who is weak and who doesn’t feel he deserves her. So, let’s think about how this applies contextually. Specifically what happens? You see a woman. She’s attractive. That doesn’t mean she’s more valuable. That simply means she has a nice face, has nice features,  and you might be interested in having sex with her unless she’s a complete weirdo. If she’s cool enough, you’ll go for it. That’s all it means.But what ends up happening is you see the girl and you get the pedestal mentality. You put her on a pedestal in your mind. That’s the only place the pedestal exists, is in your mind. You put her on the pedestal and then you put too much thought in to what you’re going to say – in a subtle unconscious effort to impress her.

Resistance

I should be different
I don’t like how she responded
I don’t want this
I’m not like that
Bad, no, wrong, don’t
If only things were different…

What a tiring battle.

What DO you want? What do you like? What do you desire? Who do you want to be?

Think only of that and say, “This is me, this is who I am.”

Positive thinking is not telling yourself life is great.

Positive thinking means seeing only what you want, ignoring what you don’t. Positivistic thinking is more accurate.

Look for evidence in your past that supports your ability to get what you want. What small success have you already had that indicates potential for greater success in the future?

Talk, move and most importantly, think as the man you want to be. What does he see? Where does his attention go when he sees a beautiful woman? Do that now.

You will screw this up. Don’t fight that. Don’t say “Oh I’ll never get it, I can’t do this.”

Accept that you lost your focus, that you strayed from your vision. “Yup, I lost it again. Regroup.”

And then try again.

Success is the result of many failures.

Resistance prevents you from failing enough to succeed.

Distraction and Conflict

To manipulate a person, or a country, keep them in conflict.

Conflict within yourself distracts you from your purpose, from impacting the world with your passion.

Conflict blinds us to greater threats.

Political squabbles blind us to corruption in the foundations of the system, and to the real players behind the scenes.

Religious conflict blinds us to the universal problems of poverty, pollution, and violence.

While we bicker and try to manipulate each other, someone else profits.

The “battle of the sexes” is the most trivial, yet most distracting.

When you can be a friend to women, without letting them control you or deplete your energy, you will see the bigger picture.

The real Fight is exposed.

Let her help you on your path. She already wants to. Men never think to do this. They assume women are selfish. WOmen become selfish because they have never been asked to contribute, to nurture.

What would you change about your life, if you no longer had to worry about connecting with women?

What if getting laid, getting a girlfriend, getting admiration for your sexual prowess, was no longer on your mental radar?

In what ways do you think women are against what you want? Could you be wrong?

Perception and Separation

“What you fear, you face.”

You can only face your fear. It’s not going anywhere. Your deepest Fear is always with you.

Facing, or “perceiving” requires duality: Me and That.

“I am not that – I am different.”

Perception requires separation.
Perception creates separation.
Perception IS perception.

Without duality, experience is impossible.

To perceive, you create subject and object, this and that.

Before thought is Reality.

Your Gift

“A gift and a curse.”

When we think we have a gift, or are “gifted” we feel pressure.

“Am I using my Gift to my potential. Am I wasting my Gift? How can I use my talents to improve my life?”

The presumption is that your Gift was given to you, and is FOR you.

It is FROM you, FOR others.

Give it away.

To women, your Gift is your desire – your passionate appreciation of her mind and body, her Dance.

My Nature extends through my body. My cock symbolizes my passion for life. To a man, a woman is a microcosm of the Universe. I grow hard FOR Her, the same way I get excited about my career, my workout, my hobbies.

My passion comes from my core Nature. Thrust.

This is what I give her. I show off, show her who I am, what I’m made of…I make her feel my power, which is my Love.

I penetrate and fill her, as much as she can take, maybe a little more.

I grab her, pick her up and lay her down, growl under my breath as I split her open.

The shocked smile becomes a naughty grin Her eyes flash wide open.  I grow harder, and push deeper.

A little pain and fear – she is exhilarated.

I give her all my passion, up into her soft little body, waves of pleasure so strong I can almost see them. She feels what I want her to feel…

A Man.