As a professional dating coach for men, I’m sometimes referred to as a pick up artist. I thought of myself this way for a long time when I got started learning how to be good with women.
I don’t think this accurately depicts who I am or what I do now. In my personal life, I’m simply a man who loves women, and understands them much better than the typical guy.
Professionally, I’m a dating coach for men. I teach men how to be successful meeting women and living the kind of lifestyle they want. I also teach guys how to be good in bed, how to have great dates, and how to connect with women on a very deep level.
But a lot of guys who are just learning how to be good with women are starting like I started – as pick up artists. So I thought I’d write up a little article of some of my favorite pickup artist tips. These are tips to get you started – techniques you can use to get success right away and start yourself on a positive feedback loop of success.
Tips to pick up women
1. One of the hardest things for guys to do is approach women. Even the toughest guy gets scared when he wants to talk to attractive women. The problem is that he is worried about how to impress women, instead of how to help them impress him! This is a powerful shift in thinking. So when you approach women, you should not be thinking about what to say to make her laugh or make her like you.
Instead, tell her something YOU like about HER. And make it specific. Don’t just say, “You’re hot.” Say, “I like your hair! It’s different, but looks great on you.” Or, “I love how you move when you dance. I can’t stop looking at you.” Giving a woman a specific compliment on her beauty is my favorite way to start a conversation, and it’s very effective if done with a warm energy and focused eye contact.
2. Once a guy is past the approach, the next step is conversation. As the man, you will have to carry the conversation at first, because women don’t usually know what to say or do when they are approached. They just become passive and try to keep up if they like you. You’re goal is to change this by giving her the confidence to express herself freely. This is another shift in thinking because conventional wisdom says that as the man it’s your job to be confident.
Think about it – what do confident people do? They try to build up those around them. This is your focus when talking to a woman. Instead of bragging, be self-deprecating. Instead of trying to be funny, poke fun at her for her cute quirks. Instead of thinking about how to get sexual, focus on making her feel comfortable with you. This will allow her natural sexuality to emerge, because she feels safe expressing that side of herself to you.
3. When you take a girl back to your place (or hers), go slow, but don’t hesitate. This is a subtle balance, between rushing and waiting. A woman can tell when you are rushing and desperate for sex, but she can also tell when you are too scared to make a move. Women also like it when a guy takes his time and savors the moments leading up to sex. I’ve noticed that if I move and talk slow, but still make my move, I rarely get resistance.
Guys are always worried about how to get a girl to have sex. The way I see it, if she’s comfortable, and turned-on, she will WANT to have sex. Going slow without being timid achieves this. Once you are finally naked together, make sure you last at least 15 minutes and give her a good variety of experience – go hard and deep, fast and shallow, slow it down, and speed it up. If you just do what you feel, she’ll feel YOU, and that’s what a woman wants – to feel a man fully.
More tips to pick up women – specific techniques to use when approaching women
4. If you see a woman pass on the street, let her pass, then turn around and catch up to her. Flank around her and approach from her 10 o’clock or 2 o’clock position. Look into her eyes, slow to a stop, forcing her to stop, and tell her how beautiful you think she is. Ask her name, and go from there.
If you want to approach a a woman in a grocery store, try this one: “Wow, a beautiful woman who cooks! I like you already.” In a retail store, get her opinion on something you are thinking about buying. When she tells you, say “Hmm a cute girl with good taste. What’s your name?”
If you want to pick up a woman in a bar talking with her friends, go up and say, “Excuse me, I don’t mean to interrupt, but I gotta say you look great. I noticed you right away and had to come over. I’m (your name).”
If you want to approach a girl at a party, keep it light and casual. Tell her you like her outfit, and then ask her if she knows the host.
If you want to start a conversation with a girl in a coffee shop, ask her if she is working on school stuff or work stuff. Most people in coffee shops go there to get some caffeine and focus on something. Just ask what they are up to, and then talk about yourself before you ask another question. This prevents you from looking nosey, and is an easy way to get an interesting conversation going.
5. My last pick up artist tip is about how to get a girl’s number. The easiest way to do this is to simply have a good conversation and tell her you want to see her again. Then say, “What’s your number? I’ll call your phone so you have mine too.” This is my standard. But sometimes you need to get a girl’s number fast, like when you meet her on the street. In this case, say “Hey we both gotta be on our way. You are cute and seem cool. How about we exchange numbers and see what happens.” This usually works for me, but to be honest, if you haven’t made any sort of connection, a woman probably won’t give her number out. You should still try though.
I hope these tips to pick up women lead to you living your ideal sex life.