She is wired to play a supportive role in relationships because that is her best-bet at survival. That is the best survival strategy, keeping a man.
What will keep her in your life? Why will you keep seeing her? Why will you develop not just a sexual relationship, but a friendship with this woman because you actually like her as a person? Are her personality contributions beneficial to your life?
She is wired to use a supportive role strategy.
Just like you are wired to experience a variety of women, (plant your seed in a variety of different phenotypes and all that kind of scientific talk) if you’re not doing that, you feel like you’re not doing what you’re supposed to do. You get depressed, you feel like you’re failing at life at a very deep and confusing level.
It’s the same for a woman. If she feels like guys only like her for her body and she’s not able to contribute as a person, as a valuable person on a team, she will feel the same way you feel when you’re not getting laid. She will feel like shit. She’ll feel depressed, frustrated, confused. She won’t be self-actualized at any level.
I was dating a girl a few years back. This is when I was really starting to work everything out in relation to women. It was after I had met Vin and gotten very good at starting things with women. I was dating this girl and she was crazy about me. She would do these really sweet things for me like making DVDs taken from little videos she’d taken from her phone, adding music and give it to me with a little note attached. Things like that.
One time I was going camping in the mountains just outside of Aspen, Colorado. It was my first time ever doing anything like this. And so, I told her about it and she was really excited for me. Here’s what she did; she made a care package for me. It had pictures of poisonous plants with little information on the back that she wrote in her curly little girl writing, describing the kind of plant being poison ivy or whatever. “Don’t touch it, grows here and there” etc. She put other things in like a Swiss Army knife, mosquito spray, anti-itch lotion, and some disinfectant. A whole little pack for me. She put it all in a bag and gave it to me.
When she did this, I was really touched but I also felt kind of guilty, and I said: “You know, you do all these things for me and I feel I don’t deserve it.”
She got mad at me. She said: :”It’s not about you. It’s about me. I need to do this. This is who I am. If you don’t let me do this, I won’t feel like a woman – I’ll feel bad.”
So from my perspective, yes he she was doing all this stuff for me. But from her perspective she was doing it for herself because it made her feel like she was contributing something valuable.
If you’ve ever been a part of a sports team you will know this feeling.
It’s no fun to be benched.
Sure it’s easy to sit on a bench and watch everyone else play. It’s hard to get on the field. You get nervous, get dirty, you might get injured, you get tired, out of breath, and so on.
But you want to be on the field and you want to play.
If you don’t get to play and contribute, if you don’t get to express yourself on that field, you feel bad.
Even though it’s easier to sit on the bench, you’d rather play. And that’s what this girl was telling me. “Yeah, I could just sit around and look pretty and not do shit for you. That would be easy. But that’s not me. I need to do this. I am wired and made to contribute to you, to your life. If you don’t let me, I will feel bad.
And that’s something that guys must wrap their minds around.
A lot of guys will be held back because they feel they don’t deserve it. It’s not about whether or not he deserves it. She needs to do it. If you don’t let her do it, she’s going to find a guy who will.
She doesn’t want to bring you into her life.
She wants to be brought in to yours.
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