Self-deprecating Approach
I saw this girl walk into the grocery store that’s near my place and she was hot. She was my type – really pretty brunette, looked exotic. She goes in there and so I just follow her in. Sometimes you can feel like you’re on the prowl when you’re going after women so to help me calm down I did a little grocery shopping.
So I’m in the grocery store and I just thought of a couple things I needed to buy. I bought like some lemonade and some tzatziki sauce. So I’m checking out and there’s a café over to the right just outside the store. I didn’t see her in the whole grocery store. It’s kind of small so I knew I didn’t miss her.
But I knew she was in the complex somewhere. So I’m walking out of the grocery store and I look over and see her sitting there outside the café with her computer. So I walk over and approach her.
I was nervous and I said “Excuse me, I don’t mean to interrupt you. I just actually saw you outside and I thought you were so beautiful. I was just looking to see if you were over here and here you are so…”
At this point I’m trailing off like I don’t know what I’m really saying, I just started talking basically. But I just know from experience, it’s okay if I’m nervous. More importantly, it’s okay if I don’t say the perfect thing. What’s most important is that I’m going for it and I’m enjoying myself and I’m having fun.
Even though I’m nervous, I’m smiling and enjoying what’s happening right now. The way that I do that is, I actually make fun of myself a lot.
So what I said was “I saw you come in here and here you were… so here I am.”
I said it like that and just kind of looked down and then I was like “Yeah, obviously I didn’t really plan this out. Anyways what’s your name?”
She’s smiling, then she said something like “Oh, no it’s fine” and then she introduced herself. When I shook her hand I was shaking a tiny bit and I was worried that she would notice that.
Even if she did notice it, it didn’t matter. So all this stuff how you’re worried about how you look and being nervous and all that, she’ll still like you, it’s okay. That’s not what she cares about. What she cares about more is that you’re honest and that you’re warm.
You’re in a good mood, you’re excited about seeing her and even though you’re nervous. Being self deprecating always communicates as yeah sure, maybe I’m a little unsure of what I’m doing right now. Maybe I don’t have a plan or a script. Maybe I’m a little worried that you won’t like me. But i’m going for it.
At a core level, underlying all the bullshit thoughts I’m having right now is a super solid foundation. I wouldn’t be able to make fun of myself otherwise. I wouldn’t be able to stand here in front of you and look off in the distance and say “So, yeah, what’s your name?” And be totally comfortable with the fact that you’re staring at me, waiting for me to talk.
Think about what most guys do, they’re trying to do a lot of just talking, talking, talking. Worried that the girl’s going to get bored and just walk away. I’m communicating that even though I don’t know what I’m saying, I still fully expect you to sit there and look at me.
Making fun of yourself will help you out a lot. It relieves a lot of tension.
