If you want to be successful at something – you just have to keep going. Even if you have a bad day.
Paul “The Truth” Pierce is a clutch player. He’s an amazing jumper. He can score from anywhere on the court. Doc Rivers calls him a professional scorer. He has an awful game against Miami. Nothing’s going right for him and he shouts for the ball with a few seconds left and takes a cross court shot. His team is down by two at this point, they need this three to win, and he gets it.
Now he had one of the worst games of the season for himself. He was like 1 for 17 or something like that. This guy has had a ton of good games and in this particular situation he was having a shitty game. He took 17 shots and he only made one of them.
But he still, at the end of the game, called for the ball and took that shot. That’s why Paul Pierce is successful. That right there, in a nutshell, is why that guy is in the NBA. It’s how he thinks. That’s the secret to success.
You’re having a bad day, you keep going. You keep deciding Oh, I’m going for it. I’m getting numbers. Whether you get it or not is not a success or failure. What we’re doing is practicing a mindset. You’re habituating mindsets. You’re habituating approaching to just give appreciation. You’re habituating being really honest and self deprecating right off the bat.
The whole point of that is to drop your need to impress people and be cool and let go of your ego and instead totally focus on the woman.
Not just a thought but actually feel what it’s like to let go of what people think of you. This is an exercise that will do that. You don’t have to sit under the Bodhi Tree for 40 days. You can do exercises to become totally comfortable with not caring about what people think of you and instead focus on what you like about them.
That’s what approaching is about.
Remember, what’s gonna make you good at this particular skill – which will make your life better, will raise your level of satisfaction and happiness with your life – is continuing to practice the mindsets regardless of outcome.
Stop worrying about whether or not you get a number. All you need to do is continue to practice the mindset. What’s going to happen gradually is you’re going to become more relaxed, you’re going to become more charming. You’re going to tease the woman and make jokes right off the bat that get her laughing and gets her seeing you differently.
You’re not just another guy hitting on her now.
Now she’s thinking this guy’s pretty confident, he’s cracking jokes and having fun.
You’re only going to be able to do that when you can relax. Now, how are you going to get to that point when you’re not relaxed? Let me put it another way.
How are you going to be able to approach a woman in a difficult situation when you’re not dressed well, you’re not looking good? Maybe you didn’t like your haircut this week. How are you going to approach her and make it work in an awkward situation when you don’t really feel like the sexiest guy on earth? How are you going to do that?
First, don’t think about how you look to her. That’s not something that even enters your head. If it does then you do your best to let it go. It’s not important.
The second thing that’s gonna make that work is the fuel that drives every interaction with a woman – and that’s love or appreciation. You can be awkward, it can be a weird moment. She can be getting off the subway, she can be with her family. If you’re bringing love (and that’s appreciation basically) you can make it work.
And third, be okay with not getting a number. You have to be comfortable with that. You’ve done it so many times where it didn’t work out that it doesn’t matter any more. And so, you’re relaxed.
That’s how you do it on the subway or on a bus or in a café in front of people or at a busy street corner and she’s with friends or family. That’s how you do it.
Not being worried in the moment is going to allow you to improvise. It’s going to allow you to tease her. Be able to adapt to the situation and say “Oh, I can see you’re shopping. I’ll tell you what, I’ll walk you down the block and then I gotta get back to where I was going.”
You’ll have the presence of mind to say those things. You’ll have the presence of mind to make a little joke about something she’s wearing or something she does. You’ll be able to make a little joke about the environment because you’re relaxed and observant.
There’s going to be all this shit that arises in the moment. You gotta be able to improvise and adapt to it. That comes from being relaxed.
The most important time to practice these mindsets is when you’re frustrated and you’re having a bad day. The good day, okay cool, everything’s falling in your lap – great, but how have you grown because of that?
How have you gone beyond your old boundaries, your own limits. How have you gone past your own comfort zone? Have you done that if all the girls like you?
The only time when it counts is when shits not going your way. That’s when you’re growing, you’re making progress. It’s just like with lifting weights. The only rep that matters is the one that really hurts. That’s where the muscle fibres tear. That’s where you get better. That’s where you get stronger.
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