Self-Control, Dominance & Authority
I’m going to get pretty deep into some things you might not have considered about SCubed and Compliance Reversal or Reverse Supplication Game (as some people know it).
I’m going to talk about self-control and how it relates to each aspect of SCubed; Vision, Compliance, Shaping, and Sexual Tension. Keep in mind the order in which I discuss each because I believe that order is crucial to being the guy who naturally flips the script as a by-product of his life.
I’m not a fan of thinking about things or putting a lot of effort into women. If it’s not simple, that means you’re doing something wrong.
A big problem guys have is that they often put things out of order. They run before they can walk.
You can get lost using too many techniques to get women to do things. You can get lost in those perspectives of using techniques and forget that this is really about your happiness and about having good relationships with women that you like.
I know there’s the initial learning period where you just want to get your skills going, but at some point you need to step back and see what the point of all this is, where this is all going.
There isn’t any specific techniques to teach you to actually “do sexual tension” other than to just start expressing it. Express your sexuality, and be interested in other women’s sexuality.
Authority is something that happens outside of yourself. It’s the effect of dominance – but it starts within. There have been a ton of really interesting studies on this, and I’m shocked that it’s not more in the mainstream. The technical academic term for it is internal locus of control. I call it “self-control” because internal locus makes you sound like you’re full of crickets.
What is self-control? It’s people who believe that they have control over their lives – and that the things that happened to them are their own making – for the most part. They are much happier people. They are more successful, and on a day-to-day and moment-by-moment basis, they are less emotional and don’t get upset as easily.
When I think about friends that I’ve known for a long time and the way they think, the way they express themselves, there’s a clear distinction between the guys who are good with women (and good with people in general) and other guys who were not nearly as successful or good with women.
The ones who are self-controlled are the most successful and the happiest. These are guys who value their own opinion over yours. They get their guidance from within. They don’t really care too much about what other people think. You have to be a really important person for them to value your opinion. They’re not easily upset. When they see someone else being negative, they perceive that person as being in their own bubble that has nothing to do with them.
These people constantly have goals. They constantly having some kind of new thing that they’re working on.
Essentially, these people are happier.
At this point, I think the most important thing in terms of being an attractive guy is being happy and self-controlled, and self-control comes first.
That’s all you need for a woman to be motivated to get to know you.
I know, there’s a lot of stuff going on that’s beyond your control, and there’s some stuff that you can fix in terms of technique and optimizing (knowing how to open well and things like that). But beyond just being a happy, calm, successful person, there’s not much else you need to do to be the kind of guy that a woman looks at and thinks: Wow, he’s attractive, I want to get to know him, to spend time with him, to sleep with him.
Self-control is extremely important, and a good way to cultivate it within yourself is by doing what I call mind scripts. where you ask yourself who you are, what you’re doing, and what you want.
I have a mental habit now where, if I’m getting flustered or I’m letting my thoughts stray into worrying about the future or regrets about the past, I’ll bring myself back to the present by saying “What am I doing? What am I doing right now?”
In order to answer that question, you need to (ahead of time) reflect on:
- Who you are?
- What do you value?
- What kind of person are you?
- What are your strengths?
- What are your weaknesses?
- What are you going to cultivate within yourself?
- What are you going to not pay attention to?
- What kind of habits do you want to cast out of your mind?
You also need to think of where you’re going:
- What are your goals?
- What do you want in life?
- What do you want with women, relationships and so forth?
A value is a concept that’s self-evidently important. A value is something that you can’t ask “why” about.
If I say it’s important to be honest and you ask me “why?” I would draw a blank. I don’t know how to answer that. Being honest is the right thing to do. So many good things come from it, and there’s nothing deeper — there’s nothing behind honesty. Honesty in itself is good. It’s the same with love, compassion, leadership, or freedom, or anything similar. When you’re talking about a value, you’re talking about a guidepost for your life.
Your values should be aligned with your ideal self (your image, your goals, where you’re going) the kind of person you want to be, the kind of life you want to live.
A woman should never compromise your values, and you should only spend time with and be with women that further that vision and those goals that you have.
A lot of guys end up dating a woman because they don’t think they can do any better – or because their sexually desperate. If you ask that guy what his values are, none of them will be “compromise.” None of them will be “getting laid.” The guy probably has values like Integrity, Taking Risks, Learning, things like that. None of his values are things like “Compromise” or “Bust A Nut.” And yet that’s how he’s living. He’s compromising his values so that he can keep this woman around.
This guy is operating out of Fear. If you ask him what his values are, I guarantee he wouldn’t say “Fear.”
Every person that comes into your life has an effect on your life; you really want to be cutting dead weight – you want to be cutting people off who don’t further your goals, or who don’t further your values. To do this, you have to know your vision.
A big part of Vision is being ready to say “no,” being ready to say that she’s not for you.
In terms of technique for vision,I have an exercise where you list out your goal and ways for a woman to contribute to that goal. I give you verbal tools to get the woman to do those things.
Let’s say one of your goals is that you want to start a magazine on photography. One way a woman can help you do that is to contact publishers that might be interested in funding your magazine’s pilot issue.
The way you would phrase this using a formula is:
- Say what your vision is.
- Express the difficulty you might have with that with achieving that vision.
- Appeal to her self-ego, her self-image.
- Talk about how she can help you with your vision in a way that “us” frames it so that you and she will have more time together and become closer.
Sticking to that formula you might talk about how you’re trying to get this photography magazine off the ground, but you’re having a hard time with a million different things. You’re better at coming up with content rather that doing all the business side, but she’s such a people person – she’s so good at making connections with people.
So you were wondering if maybe she could contact some publishers and see if there would be anybody interested in helping you get out a pilot issue. Tell her that if she did this and you had the magazine, she could help everyday with planning it out, designing the pictures – that’s something really creative that you can do together. You think it will bring you two closer together.
