Confidence with girls is not something you are born with. Guys learn to feel nervous around girls.

In meeting and dating women, experience matters most when it’s not clear how the woman feels about you, or what she is thinking. The amateur tends to assume the worst. The pro assumes the best, but knows when there is an issue he needs to fix.

Opening: demonstrate your confidence with girls

Often when a guy approaches a girl, she does not react in the most friendly way. The amateur assumes it’s because a) he did something wrong, or b) she’s a bitch. But in my experience, it’s more likely that either she, a) is simply not interested in meeting someone new, no matter how attractive he is, or b) she actually likes the guy, she just doesn’t want to show it right away. I tend to assume the second one. This way, even if I’m wrong, I don’t waste potential opportunities.

If I’m attracted to a woman, I’m very persistent, and I have enough experience to trust that she is attracted to me, even if she doesn’t show it. I know this because I’ve had enough beautiful women tell me they were attracted to me right away, even though from my perspective, it didn’t seem that way. The experienced player assumes attraction, but will also reflect on how he approached later, to see if if there’s anything he could improve next time. With experience and reflection, you can develop confidence with girls.

Conversation: with competence comes confidence with girls

The amateur spends most of the conversation worried about what a woman thinks of him. In doing so, he doesn’t notice any signals the woman gives to indicate her attraction and arousal. Sometimes these signals are moments of eye contact without saying any words, or maybe she starts fidgeting and looking off into space. If I see either of these, I think, she’s turned on, and wants to take things further. Again, I’m sure I’m wrong about this occasionally, but even so, I don’t miss opportunities.

The interesting thing is, if you persist as if you knew she wanted you, it actually becomes reality. Faking confidence with girls can actually help you at first. The reason is that when you assume attraction, you behave in a more lighthearted, fun, confident way – i.e. you act attractive, thus turning her on. The pro doesn’t doubt himself in conversation. He’s relaxed because he knows she wants him (otherwise why would she still be there with you?) and instead focuses on getting to know the woman using curiosity, humor, and warmth.

Logistics – confidence with girls is not enough!

This is simple. The pro has a plan, and the amateur does not. The pro plan is designed to get alone with the woman, and a pro knows when the time is right to make that move. Usually it’s on a high note, when you and the woman are sharing laughs. But it could also be when she gets quiet and aloof – often this means she is bored and wants to have sex! Who’d a thunk it?!

The amateur is nervous and fidgety when he gets a woman alone. He hesitates, and she sees this, and it turns her off. This only makes the situation worse because now she seems uninterested, hurting the amateur’s confidence even more. A pro makes his move slowly and confidently. He doesn’t rush, because he knows he can have her when he wants. He savors the moment, and when he chooses, he moves in, kisses her, caresses her, and tells her things that make her feel sexy. He has no fear, because he knows he’s making her feel wonderful, so he has nothing to worry about. When this is how you operate, then you know you truly have confidence with girls.