If you could give one piece of advice, what would it be?

I love this question and I get it all the time. The typical advice men hear when it comes to meeting women is “Be confident.” Ironically, this is by far the dumbest, most impractical advice possible. You can’t just snap your fingers and “be confident.” Confidence isn’t even necessary. Here’s what I say.

Don’t be confident. Give confidence.

Instead of trying to impress women, or act like you’re not interested in them in order to look cool or whatever, tell a woman she turns you on. Show her you think she’s beautiful. You like her body, and that’s a GOOD THING! We would go extinct if men stopped liking women’s bodies, and women like to feel desired by a passionate man.

Build her confidence about who she is as a person. Learn about her. Share yourself so that she feels comfortable opening up to you. Ask her questions about how she thinks. As she reveals her personality to you, show her that you see why she is special – you see HER – a unique, beautiful woman.

When you make a woman feel beautiful and special, she’ll want to be with you, because she feels good around you. It’s that simple.

How’d you get started?

I have always been shy and quiet. When I was really young I was wild and loud and energetic. And then something happened and I spent about twenty years suffering from social anxiety.

I met a girl when I was 20, and I fell in love with her. I felt like she was my soulmate. Two years later, I lost her. The pain was unbearable. I was so devastated that I left college, slept, moped around, and drank a lot. At some point, I decided I couldn’t deal with the possibiity that I had lost “the one,” and that I would never meet another woman, especially in my mental condition.

I’ve never been one to let outside circumstances determine who I am or what I do. After a few months, I manned-up, and began looking for answers. I found a guy who called himself, Woodhaven, who posted the most amazing articles on a “seduction forum” (MASF for those who know). Woodhaven is now known as Vin Dicarlo. He was my mentor and showed me how to meet women anytime, anywhere, and how to move things forward sexually, without relying on luck.

Vin started his own company in 2007, and asked me to be a trainer. I had made great strides in my understanding, and results. I wanted to teach. And so it began. I was the lead trainer for Vin Dicarlo about a year later.

Are you still part of of Vin Dicarlo Inc?

I am no longer employed by Vin Dicarlo Inc. Vin is a source of information and inspiration, and he’s my good friend.

Why should I listen to you?

What makes anyone qualified to give advice?Experience, introspection, research. More than anything, I’ve failed and embarrassed myself way more than the average guy is willing to. When I’m interested in something, I become obsessively single-minded. I don’t stop reflecting, analyzing, and conceptualizing. It’s just how I think.

I’ve pretty much handled how to deal with women in my personal life, so now most of my mental energy is focused on how to be a better teacher to my students, and how to present ideas in clearer, more easily digestible ways.

As far as academic credentials, I don’t think you can get a PhD in this. But maybe I’ll get one anyway. I’m currently focused on developing leadership training for non-profit organizations, and corporations alike.

What’s your personal life like? Are you a player, or do you have committed relationships with women?

I am open to being with one woman, and I have been in a couple very long, exclusive relationships. My lifestyle is not much different from the typical guy – when I’m single, I go out, meet women, date etc. The difference is that when I get involved with a woman, it’s not because I feel pressure, or I’m worried that it will be a long time before I meet someone else.

This is because I have choice – I’m in control of my romantic life.  When I see a woman that takes my breath away, I’m able to approach her and get to know her. This means that if I’m with a woman, it’s because I’m passionate about her and care about her.

Men are already aggressive and manipulative. Isn’t it unfair for a guy to know how to seduce women?

I don’t seduce anyone. I’m already seduced. To me, seduction means manipulation, and manipulation is much less effective than being honest, loving, and going for what you want without waiting for permission. I teach leadership in a romantic, sexual context.

Leaders don’t manipulate, and are usually very warm, positive people. A leader believes in each member of his team. A leader gives trust, he doesn’t try to get it. He earns it through demonstration, through action.

Unfortunately examples of men who do this are rare, so boys grow up with a very misguided perception of how to relate to women.

Were you always naturally good at meeting women?

In the words of Tony Montana, “No. Fuck no.”

As a kid, I was extremely shy around others, especially girls. I spent my entire school day drawing, as a way of avoiding social interaction.

As a teenager, I was heavy into soccer. I was always the “soccer guy.” As soon as school was out, I’d head to the park and practice by myself, until it was time for team practice. And then I’d stay late and practice by myself. Again, I look back and think this was also a way to avoid talking to people. It was easy to play with a ball. But other people were scary to me.

Every time I went to a party, or was in a situation where all that was required was small talk, I fell apart. I rubbed people the wrong way. After puberty commenced and my testosterone was through the roof, I hid my fear with anger, and put on a tough act. It took me a  long time to change my social habits.

In high school girls would occasionally think I was cute and show interest. I’d do one of two things: screw it up with awkward (non-existent) social skills, or avoid the girl completely. What I wouldn’t give for a time-machine now…

One thing I did get from my younger years was the perception that it’s cool to approach women I don’t know yet. I grew up around a lot of black and hispanic kids, and in those cultures, approaching girls is a sign of masculinity. White, western culture is very different. Watching my friends go up to cute girls at the mall actually had a huge impact on my progress years later.

Have you ever been in love?

Yes, and if she’s reading this she knows who she is. We’re still good friends and I’ll love her always. She is the reason I started thinking about how to be a better man.

What started as an attempt to figure out how to pickup cute girls has become a journey of self-discovery and personal growth. As a result, I’ve touched many lives in a positive way, spreading the love far and wide!

Where’d you grow up?

Michigan – the most beautiful state in the Union, filled with strong, humble, hard working people. I miss it, but I love New York!

Is there any hope for guys over 40?

Yes as long as you age like wine and not vinegar. One thing I should say, however, is that if you don’t have your shit together professionally at this age, and don’t do anything fun with your free time, don’t expect to date hot younger women.

I’m overweight. Does this mean I’m unattractive to women?

Get your weight handled. If you don’t care about yourself, why should a woman? Being obese will destroy your odds of success. But being a little chubby is not an issue, unless the woman is really into muscles or skinny guys (which is rare).

I’m balding. Does this hurt my chances?

No, your attitude does. Quit whining about your precious hair. Shave it all off and move on.

I’m shorter than average. What should I do?

Being short can actually be an advantage. The key is to be more sexual and playful than would be expected from a man of smaller stature. If you’re a shorter guy, you have a lot of leeway as far as what you can get away with!

I’m a virgin/sexually inexperienced. I need to get past this, but how?

This is actually not a disadvantage. All it means is that you are working from a clean slate. That means if you get training, you won’t get confused from previous experience. You’ll start off on the right foot once you start fucking! And women who are kind and nurturing (i.e. most women) would probably be excited by the idea of being your first, as long as you exhibit leadership outside of the bedroom.

Remember, it’s not about being a stud, it’s about being a leader.

What’s so “bad ass” about you or this site?

There’s nothing bad ass sitting in a cafe, surrounded by hipsters sipping lattes, typing on a MacBook about the dynamics of male-female relationships.

I want you to be the bad ass.

Why should I believe any of your stories?

I don’t care if you do or not. It makes no difference to my life. I know what I do.

My hope is that you learn from me.

For some men, meeting women is as easy as making a sandwich (or easier, depending on how ambitious you are with your sandwiches). If you could do it that easily, you wouldn’t be reading this.

Since you have nothing to lose. You might as well give my advice a try.

I’m not very outgoing. This holds me back with meeting women. Will your advice work for me?

I used to be very shy and insecure. Now I’m very sure of myself, and I’m definitely not shy. However, I’m still on the quiet side.

I think a lot, and I work smart, not hard. I find I can do more by talking less. I ask good questions, and make provocative statements. Sometimes just looking into a woman’s eyes, touching her, or smiling can do more than words ever could.

I’m good at turning women on with my hands, eyes, and mouth. So, to answer the question, yeah my teachings work for quiet guys. I’m a quiet guy.

Can you teach me some cool tricks so I can make out with girls when I go to the club?

No. Making out with several random drunk girls at a club is how you get the flu, or herpes in your mouth.

There are techniques you can use to get fast make-outs, get numbers, or even go home with girls and have sex with them, but they are superficial. I do occasionally kiss women I just met, but it’s not because I had a technique prepared. I kiss a woman because I know she wants to kiss me and I want to kiss her.

Using techniques is based in the wrong presumption that attraction is a phase, like an item on a checklist. There’s no “phase” of attraction. There’s no time when I “attract” a girl. I AM attractive.

In fact, I don’t even think about attraction. I garner respect from women. Women respect me, which leads to them wanting to spend time with me and feel my masculinity.

What’s your method?

I don’t espouse a method. I have a personal intention with women, and people in general. This Intention determines my Focus, and the Messages I send. Intention, Focality, and Messaging are the elements of social behavior. They are more fundamental than any method or set of techniques.

As long as you are following someone else’s method, you will hit a plateau in your progress. At some point, there will be a disconnect between your personality, and the method you are emulating.

The act of emulation itself is unattractive because it’s fake. The most attractive thing you can do is enjoy being you. When you enjoy yourself, you naturally express yourself fully.

I call this “Thrust.” Thrust is your nature as a man – to penetrate consciously and fully. You cultivate a strong Thrust through conscious Intention, Focality, and Messaging.


If you have any questions you’d like answered, shoot me an email: 


I love to hear from everyone. And feel free to comment as well.