What I’ve been hearing from a lot of guys lately is a a diminished sex drive as they approach 30. I think it’s good to have a strong sex drive not just because it makes you want to have sex, but if you can harness that sexual energy, it can propel you forward in all aspects of your life, especially when it comes to meeting new women.
Exercise is great because it boosts testosterone, improves blood flow, and improves your mood. It’s hard to be movitivated (i.e. horny), when you’re in a bad mood. Also, having better blood flow means you’ll get aroused easier. You don’t have to be a gym rat, but try to get some exercise 4 times a week. It makes a huge difference.
I’ve found that a lot my sexual desire depends on my mood. Food doesn’t have an immediate drastic effect on your mood, but over time you will notice a change in energy levels and emotional well-being if you eat a balance of lean protein and low-glycemic, fibrous carbohydrates (i.e. fruits and veggies). Also make sure that you eat plenty of unsaturated fat. Olive oil, the oil in fish, animal fat, nuts, and dairy, are all great sources of good fat. Eating fat will raise your testosterone levels and improve brain function.
#3 Competition (at your level so you can win)
Joining a sports league, or some kind of competitive league keeps your mind focused on winning. It’s good to be aggressive so that you can attack problems and deal with challenges head on. Having the desire to win and be successful keeps you in the game. Don’t stress yourself out, but remember, if you are not engaged in some kind of competition on a weekly basis, it’s very easy to lose your edge in life, and with women.
#4 Don’t ejaculate
This is only relevant if you are not having regular sex. If you don’t have any women to sleep with, you should hold off on jerking off, until you find a woman. My biggest challenge has always been nerves when I first approach. What I’ve found is that the hornier I am, the less anxiety affects me when I see a woman I want to meet. If you can go for two weeks without ejaculating, you will be a monster. Nothing will get in your way from meeting women!
It’s sad to say, but most men have no idea what they are doing in bed. It’s not due to lack of intelligence or experience, but instead, a bad focus.
Men treat sex as a performance.
Ironically, it’s this focus on “performance” that makes men nervous in bed, leading to premature ejaculation or not “achieving” an erection (as if it were an achievement).
Men are very competitive, and unfortunately this competitiveness carries over into their sex lives.
I say “unfortunately” because sex, to me, is a unique opportunity to relax, let go, be in the moment, and forget yourself. This is an attitude that most men don’t share, as I’ve learned from talking to women I have been intimate with.
I’ve had a lot of clients who felt they were sexually inexperienced, and this made them nervous and insecure around women. What I explained to them was that many men with a lot of experience were still HORRIBLE in bed, even into their 40’s and 50’s.
It’s not about how many women you’ve slept with, or what freaky activities you’ve done. It’s about your attitude.
For a time, my main goal with women was to have sex with them as fast as possible. I got pretty good at it, but I quickly realized that this was ultimately unsatisfying to me.
When I had sex, it felt rushed and uncomfortable. This doesn’t make for being good in bed. Think about it – you are entering another human being, and sharing a very vulnerable, intimate side of yourself. Sure, as men, we risk very little, biologically. After all, it’s the woman that gets pregnant. The man can move on and make more babies.
But emotionally, sex is very intimate, no matter how tough of a guy you think you are. If you are treating the woman like a conquest, a “touchdown,” you will create anxiety in yourself, and sabotage a potentially amazing experience with another human being.
When you get intimate with a woman, touching her, taking her clothes off, kissing her body…say with your eyes, hands, and mouth, “I love your body. Thank you for being so beautiful.”
Learn how she likes to be touched, kissed, licked, and fucked. Pay attention to her responses, and occasionally ask her, “How does that feel? Do you like to be touched/licked/fucked harder? Softer? Slower? Faster? Here? There? Tell me what you like, woman.”
When you are inside her, penetrate her body with all your energy, all your emotion. Think about how an elite athlete – Michael Jordan, Barry Sanders, Drew Brees – penetrates, expresses himself, gives it his all. Fuck women like this. Show her who you are, and communicate your masculinity, through your hands, mouth, and dick, with full, unbridled ruthlessness. Grab her, spank her, tell her how much she turns you on. Express yourself.
In meeting and dating women, experience matters most when it’s not clear how the woman feels about you, or what she is thinking. The amateur tends to assume the worst. The pro assumes the best, but knows when there is an issue he needs to fix.
Often when a guy approaches a girl, she does not react in the most friendly way. The amateur assumes it’s because a) he did something wrong, or b) she’s a bitch. But in my experience, it’s more likely that either she, a) is simply not interested in meeting someone new, no matter how attractive he is, or b) she actually likes the guy, she just doesn’t want to show it right away. I tend to assume the second one. This way, even if I’m wrong, I don’t waste potential opportunities.
If I’m attracted to a woman, I’m very persistent, and I have enough experience to trust that she is attracted to me, even if she doesn’t show it. I know this because I’ve had enough beautiful women tell me they were attracted to me right away, even though from my perspective, it didn’t seem that way. The experienced player assumes attraction, but will also reflect on how he approached later, to see if if there’s anything he could improve next time. With experience and reflection, you can develop confidence with girls.
The amateur spends most of the conversation worried about what a woman thinks of him. In doing so, he doesn’t notice any signals the woman gives to indicate her attraction and arousal. Sometimes these signals are moments of eye contact without saying any words, or maybe she starts fidgeting and looking off into space. If I see either of these, I think, she’s turned on, and wants to take things further. Again, I’m sure I’m wrong about this occasionally, but even so, I don’t miss opportunities.
The interesting thing is, if you persist as if you knew she wanted you, it actually becomes reality. Faking confidence with girls can actually help you at first. The reason is that when you assume attraction, you behave in a more lighthearted, fun, confident way – i.e. you act attractive, thus turning her on. The pro doesn’t doubt himself in conversation. He’s relaxed because he knows she wants him (otherwise why would she still be there with you?) and instead focuses on getting to know the woman using curiosity, humor, and warmth.
This is simple. The pro has a plan, and the amateur does not. The pro plan is designed to get alone with the woman, and a pro knows when the time is right to make that move. Usually it’s on a high note, when you and the woman are sharing laughs. But it could also be when she gets quiet and aloof – often this means she is bored and wants to have sex! Who’d a thunk it?!
The amateur is nervous and fidgety when he gets a woman alone. He hesitates, and she sees this, and it turns her off. This only makes the situation worse because now she seems uninterested, hurting the amateur’s confidence even more. A pro makes his move slowly and confidently. He doesn’t rush, because he knows he can have her when he wants. He savors the moment, and when he chooses, he moves in, kisses her, caresses her, and tells her things that make her feel sexy. He has no fear, because he knows he’s making her feel wonderful, so he has nothing to worry about. When this is how you operate, then you know you truly have confidence with girls.Continue reading >>
There’s a huge misconception when it comes to meeting and dating women: the hottest women are the hardest to approach. This is simply not true. In my experience, the most beautiful women have been the most responsive. This is not because I’m especially good-looking or rich, or charming. It’s because I went for it, and I was honest.
An exceptionally attractive woman lives in a strange reality. Every other woman she meets secretly hates her, and every man wants to sleep with her. And sinse most men are insecure about their own attractiveness they act fake in order to impress attractive women.
So she has men acting fake, and women being fake.
It’s no wonder that the first thing hot women look for when they are approached is sincerity and authenticity – honesty. I know this from personal experience, and through feedback I’ve gotten from women. The number one thing women tell me they first noticed about me is that I was very warm and I seemed “real.” I was just being me.
I know it’s hard to believe, but this is how you can separate yourself from all the other guys, especially with the hottest women. Again, hot women are so used to men acting fake and weird that by just being normal, honest, and friendly, you will look very impressive. After all, women don’t need a man to entertain them. They need a strong leader who cares about them.
Women can tell when you are being inauthentic. It comes across in subtle ways – evasive eye contact, talking too fast, trying too hard to be funny, standing with an awkward posture, etc. Another way men try to talk to hot women is by acting cocky, overly confident, to hide their insecurity and nervousness.
It’s interesting – I’ve actually told women – HOT women – that I was nervous talking to them. And it actually seemed to relax them and make them more open to getting to know me. Why? Because I was being real, being honest, and remember – that’s what the hottest women are looking for. That’s what allwomen are looking for.
Be honest, be warm, take the lead. Even if you’re nervous. Because the number one regret all men have is that they didn’t go for that one beautiful girl. If only they knew how easy it could be!Continue reading >>
Most guys put models and actresses on a pedestal, as the pinnacle of achievement when it comes to dating. I have dated enough of these types of women to know that I’d actually prefer to meet normal women – teachers, nurses, etc. But if you are looking for the picturesque type of woman, straight off the cover of Cosmo, then you’ll need to know a couple things.
In New York, models and actresses tend to hang out in certain areas, and at certain clubs. Find out what clubs and bars are near talent agencies in your town, and start to frequent those places. In NYC, Chelsea is where most of the modeling agencies are. Every time I go to that part of town, I see some really amazing women. Again, my taste is more for the “around the way girl,” but if I were looking for a skinny, 6-foot-tall European looking model chick, I’d go to Chelsea.
The odds are actually more in your favor, the hotter a girl is. Especially with models and actresses, because of how other men treat them. They are used to men worshipping and fawning all over them, or staring creepily but not saying anything, or being really obnoxious and aggressive.
If you can just treat her like a normal person, without the game or bullshit, you will seem really different.
So how do you act normal? Don’t be impressed with her. Be curious about her, and as she talks about herself, relate to her experience. If she talks about the stress of acting, because she has to perform for others, talk about how working in IT can be stressful because everyone expects you to know it all, and as soon as the system has trouble, everyone blames you. (Yes, you can work in IT and date models. I’ve had tons of clients make this their reality.)
I recall meeting a famous model at the airport. I told a couple of my friends, and they got really excited, telling me that I “had to sleep with her.” For them it was a trophy. But the more I talked to her, the less I liked her. Soon I decided I didn’t want to spend anymore time with her than I already had.
It’s important not to compromise yourself just to sleep with a hot woman. If you have standards, and integrity (you stick to your standards), she will feel it.
A lot of times, models are used to men sucking up them and letting them get away with crappy behavior. Not you. If she makes a bad joke, or acts stuck up, make fun of her, subtly challenging her to step up. I call this “appreciation-potential.” You are conveying that you could like her, if she can stop being fake and be real with you. This is POWERFUL, because no man does this with her.
Do not try to take her to an expensive restaurant or plan some elaborate date, just because she’s hot and in show-business.
Instead, take her to a greasy spoon with great cheap food, a cool dive bar with pool tables, and a nice walk along the river or lake. Give her a relaxed, varied experience, as you and she get to know eachother.
Commit this to memory: she’ll be impressed by the fact that you’re not trying to impress her. What she really wants is an authentic connection with a normal man.Continue reading >>