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It’s A Numbers Game

I went out the other night. It wasn’t the greatest night, because I kept feeling like I had no mojo. So I was approaching girls but there was no passion, no real strong direction, but there was no fear either. I ended up talking to some women, got a couple numbers. I don’t know if they’ll pan out. They were from out of town – both girls.

But there was no fear. It was no problem for me to approach even though I didn’t have much sexual energy that night, and that just comes from doing it a lot.

Getting a big quantity of approaches will be good for realizing that it’s not a big deal. If you’re reading this, chances are that you still think approaching women is a big deal – it isn’t.

I think there’s really three reasons to approach a woman that will create a good experience afterwards which will allow you to keep going and get those numbers. This will help give you the fundamental belief that it’s not a big deal.

Thinking: this girl’s going to love me or I’m going to approach this girl and it’s going to go perfectly is no good. If it doesn’t, that can shake you. The most empowering belief you can have in a situation that’s not predictable is that it’s really not a big deal. It can go either way, and either way is fine.

That’s what the Bhagavad Gita talks about. It’s all about not thinking about the outcome. When it comes to dealing with a woman there’s a survival instinct there. There’s a physiological wire that you can’t get rid of.

If you’re rich and have massive amounts of money, trying a new business venture is no big deal, right? So in that case, it’s easy to say well “I’m going to go for it. If it doesn’t work, it’s okay.” There’s no physical feeling of loss. But when it comes to a beautiful woman that you could make great babies with – that’s the biological urge.

In that case, it’s very hard to just get rid of outcome in your mind. The way that you get over that fear is by getting a lot of numbers over time. A large enough quantity of approaches so that you realize it’s not that big of a deal.

In order to do that, you need to be approaching in a way that’s sustainable. And by sustainable I mean, that despite how the approach goes you need to be able to get back on your feet and do it again.

The way that’s going to happen is by approaching for reasons that don’t create a “yes or no,” “good or bad,” “success or failure” dynamic. That’s why I say you need to approach to learn how to interact with younger girls. Approach those 10s to learn what the cracks in your game are.

Courage is another important factor. Fundamentally, you’re afraid. Approach the woman because you feel afraid. That way, regardless of how it goes afterwards, you still faced your fear and that was a success for you as a human being by not letting fear corral you.

The Power Of The Pedestal

So, lets say you think of something to say to her like, “Hey, how are you?” (Let’s keep it simple here folks).

You approach her and ask “Hey, how are you?”

She looks you dead in the eyes and responds “Oh, I’m fine.”

…

… then your brain starts spinning again and you’re using all these joules of energy to think of something cool or interesting to say in response.

From then on this is the nature of your whole interaction with her.

This can manifest itself in a number of ways, including fidgeting,nervous eye contact, looking away, saying awkward things that don’t make any sense.

She perceives this as you not thinking you deserve her. You don’t think you’re in her league, and you are trying to impress her.

Why are you trying to impress her? The only reason you’d be trying so hard to impress this woman is because you want to have sex with her.

Together, things start to look really bad for you. She’s thinking this guy is trying to impress me because he wants to have sex with me, but he doesn’t think he actually deserves it.

So do you think this woman will actually want to continue an interaction with you or want to have sex with you?

Let’s fast forward for a second.

Let’s say you actually get her number. You get ‘lucky.’

So, now you’re dating her and every time you hang out it’s what do you want to do tonight? Where should we go? What movie do you want to see?

Even in the bedroom you’re saying, Can I do this? Would you mind doing this to me?

You’re making her the focus of the relationship.

The whole relationship is not about you and her experiencing life together side-by-side, enjoying life and enjoying each other. The whole meaning of the relationship is you accomodating her.

This is bad for you and for her. She does not want to be on that pedestal.

This all comes from your pedestal mentality, thinking you need to impress her, trying to seek her approval.

The worst thing you can do as a man is seek a woman’s approval, try to impress her, and put her on a pedestal. In essence it’s all the same thing and it starts with that pedestal mentality.

Automatically Self-Perpetuating Clarity of Vision

Pace is how to make people like you.

Pace sidesteps the need for beliefs. Pace teachesallows you how to think, rather than how to act. Pace is how a person who likes themselves thinks.

I’m basically taking the frame of mind of a confident guy and giving it to you. I’m adapting the lens that he sees reality through and offering it to you through Pace, in a package that is both easy to digest and simple to implement.

You get better at Pace as you apply it. Continued use will cement it as a habit over time.

As you use Pace, people will respond positively to you, and you will develop powerful beliefs. That’s the tipping point where it is no longer conscious. You just walk up to a woman, expect her to respond to you, and she will.

When you don’t incorporate Pace, you’ll see that you’re getting negative feedback. You’ll see that people won’t like you as much. Women will lose interest fast.

Those situations will then discourage you from putting yourself out there. To avoid this you have to forgo the use of deception.

So developing Pace is a twofold process. You have to get rid of the bad stuff while cultivating the good. Pace aligns your focus and your beliefs. Both of which will form as you continue to use it.

Your brain gets rewarded for the good stuff and doesn’t get rewarded for the bad stuff.

Now, if there’s a lag between behaviour and belief, good stuff can get negative feedback and bad stuff can get positive feedback.

Change is so difficult for people because their behaviors don’t align with their beliefs. That’s why Pace is such a revelation because it makes change easy by keeping the feedback loops where they’re supposed to be.

Once you learn it, it sticks with you for the rest of your life. You’ll never have to worry about getting out of practice or “rusty” with women.

In the past year, because I was building up my business, I spent a lot of time alone and wasn’t talking to or meeting any women.

As soon as I was back in the real world and around women again I wasn’t rusty. I just went up to first attractive woman I saw and it went really well.

In fact, the first real approach I did, after maybe 6 months of not meeting women, wound up with me stealing her from another guy.

She was the hottest girl in the club, and she was already in a conversation with some other guy. I went up and just took her from him. We talked to for like 30 minutes and hung out a couple days later.

That’s what I mean. You never get rusty. You never get worse.

You could be talking to your mom, you could be talking to people at work. Everyone is an opportunity. You don’t even consciously take the opportunity, you just do it naturally. You will always be getting better with people.

You’re always practicing it because it’s who you are. It’s how you think. You’re always improving.

Imagine trying to play a basketball game with a blindfold that you can barely see through on. Like a thin white tablecloth that blurs your visionon. You can make out shapes and figures, but you can’t really be your best because you only have a fraction of the full picture. Once you take the blindfold off you’re instantly going to be a million times better. Whereas if you were trying to play in a basketball game with a blindfold on the entire time, you wouldn’t even be able to get started. You’d never be able to improve because you don’t have the clarity required.

Pace opens your eyes. You become privy to a reality that has always been in front of you.

It’s like when Neo finally sees the Matrix. Pace allows you to see the Matrix, and seeing it empowers you.

If you can’t see reality, you can’t operate at your best. You’re playing a game that doesn’t exist.

Pace opens your eyes to reality and possibility. That’s what reality is, essentially. It’s pure possibility.

When you’re talking to a woman, you’re seeing a possibility for yourself.

You start to get the sense that you could take this girl home. That you could kiss this girl and she’ll melt. You’ll feel that.

Pace naturally creates empowering beliefs.

So even if you don’t do the exercises that I give you. Even if you don’t go out and practice it diligently, although it might take you longer, just understanding Pace will make you better with people and especially with women.

Just listening to the program alone will make you better with women.

You don’t even have to leave your house. The next time you have to talk to women the conversation will go a bit better. They will be a little bit more turned on by you.

How fast you accelerate depends on you, but improvement is constant with Pace. It allows you to see possibilities. That’s how to escalate quickly with women. By seeing possibilities.

When I was younger, before I discovered Pace, I would be talking to women and I’d be thinking things like Should I kiss her now? I wonder if I could take her home? No probably not. She seems like she’s a good girl.

Women would do little things to try and make themselves available for me to talk to them, and I wouldn’t see it.

Then when I started asking myself “what can I do now?” I’d think I wonder if I could get away with that right now, let me try it.

My big realization was that I had been missing a lot of opportunities to move forward.

The more I started looking for opportunities to get physical with women, the more sex I was having. I became much more physical with women, much quicker.

Pace gives you the vision to see when a woman is interested in you. They will give you more signals, more queues, more opportunities to get physical with them.

By using Pace in your thought process, you’ll succeed in inspiring more sexual attraction in women. Women will be more sexually interested in you than ever before.

Reframe with Practice

Learning is how you reframe.

There’s been women I’ve met that I’ve felt were in the 99 percentile of attractiveness. They also had it together; really cool personalities and they had fun lives that were guided by their passion.

They were doing something with their life they were really passionate about. Whether they’re successful or not, I could see that they had what it took to be successful or happy. If you meet a woman like this, that you feel is better than you, ask yourself why. What’s going on there?

Is it because she’s going somewhere in life, you feel like she’s living out her passion and you’re not? Is her body in better shape than your body?

There’s a lot of little things like that. I definitely feel more attractive when I’m in great shape. That’s real, that’s not bullshit. That’s not superficial, that’s not a bad belief. Yet, if I want a 10 I don’t think as a man I necessarily have to look like a 10 but I shouldn’t be a fat slob.

I shouldn’t be just average. I need to work out a little bit. If you can feel like you look pretty good physically that’s a real physical thing that will help you.

For me it’s always my abs. I’m always trying to get the ab fat down.

All the pickup artist bullshit out there telling you that you could be some regular dude dating a supermodel. That stuff isn’t true. Where does that exist? When have you ever seen a girl who’s super together and super beautiful with a slob who doesn’t know how to dress himself or just looks like some midwestern guy from Office Space?

It never happens. That girl knows who she is and where she’s at and what her fear of life is and she’s going to be with a guy who’s pretty similar to her in that regard.

Learning through experience. It’s not about whether she’s out of your league or not. It’s about you approaching her, interacting with her, learning where these gaps between her and you are. It’s about discovering where the cracks are in your life – your look, your body, the way you interact?

The Pedestal Mentality

It all starts in your mind.

The Pedestal Mentality is an insidious and destructive poison that we are exposed to non stop. Its subtle yet all-pervasive nature makes it all the more dangerous.

We’re constantly being exposed to it. Not only in the media but among our peers, friends and families. It’s everywhere.

It’s this idea that if a woman is attractive then she is somehow more valuable than you are.

You could be watching Spike TV which is supposedly TV programing geared towards men – for men – and yet look at the ads on that channel. It’s a bunch of guys drinking beer and this hot babe walks in and they’re all like “Oh duuuude, she’s so hot. Oh my god. What should I do?”

And then the commercial will be like one of the guys thinking of some ridiculous, clever way to impress the girl. Maybe he’ll open a beer bottle with his tongue and she’ll swoon.

Basically this message is saying:

“That good looking woman? Yeah, she’s better than you. You have to impress her or make an ass of yourself, appeasing her, so that she’ll do you the honor of talking to you. So that she’ll look down at you from her pedestal and be nice to you and maybe even grant you access to her precious vagina.“

That’s the message that we get everywhere.

This message comes from two different places.

Firstly it comes from you. You get this message from yourself and the things you have come to tell yourself in your thoughts. Your buddies have this message, you’re dad has this message, even women have this message. They’re also bombarded with it and they start to believe it.

Capitalistic advertising and marketing reinforces these beliefs in yours and everyone elses mind around you. They are the voices on the radio and on TV telling you how much she loves the new diamond ring her fiancé just bought her.

These voices imply that the only way you’re going to get laid, the only way women are going to like you, is if you buy This Deodorant, own That Car, have This Haircut, and look like That Buff Guy. Anything that’s trying to sell you something using attractive women leaning against it, or caressing the guy after he uses it, is reinforcing that women are more valuable than you.

The idea that women, just because they’re pretty, makes them higher than you and you must appease them so that they give you the favor of having sex with you. This is the message that men are bombarded with all fucking day, 24/7.

The sad thing is this is wrong. Not only is it not true but it’s harmful to you. And it’s not only harmful to you, it’s harmful to women.

It’s harmful to women because of what it does to men. Do you think that a woman wants to be surrounded with a bunch of pussies who think that she’s better than them?

Do you think that women want to date a guy who puts her above himself? Do they want to date a guy who lowers himself and thinks he doesn’t deserve her and is constantly calling her, texting her, checking up on her, making sure she’s not sleeping with some other cooler, more rich, more handsome guy with a better car or a better fucking martini glass?

Women don’t want guys to be like that. They don’t want you to put them on a pedestal because it makes you act like a little bitch.

A woman doesn’t want to sleep with a guy who is weak and who doesn’t feel he deserves her.

So, let’s think about how this applies in a real world situation. Specifically what happens?

You see a woman. She’s attractive. That doesn’t mean she’s more valuable. That simply means she has a nice face, has nice features, and you might be interested in having sex with her unless she’s a complete weirdo. If she’s cool enough, you’ll go for it.

That’s all it means.

But what ends up happening is you see the girl and you get the pedestal mentality. You put her on a pedestal in your mind.

That’s the only place the pedestal exists. You put her on the pedestal and then you put too much thought into what you’re going to say – in a subtle unconscious effort to impress her.

You’re frantically thinking about what to say, and there’s a voice in your head running through all these scenarios:

“Oh man, she probably has a boyfriend”

“She’d never go for me. She’s out of my league.”

“I don’t stand a chance with her, just look at her.”

You make her way too important to you. So you put a lot of pressure on yourself to say something cool.

If anyone has ever asked you on the spot to say something cool or funny or interesting, it’s almost impossible. It’s a lot of pressure. Yet you’re saying this to yourself – impress her! do something cool! You’re creating this unachievable goal in your mind.

You’re also already in the posture of appeasing her even though you haven’t interacted with her yet. Your brain is using energy to formulate ways to impress her

So, you’re putting work into a woman who hasn’t earned it. She didn’t earn those looks.

Adapt and Evolve [Troubleshoot yourself]

Pace is a troubleshooting system. It essentially gives you the tools to troubleshoot yourself when interacting with women. red lipstick mark

It’s like a diagnostic tool. If you do something that elicits a weird or negative reaction from the girl, you can immediately look back on what you said and understand why. There’s power in having the ability to self-correct.

Other methods don’t often make use of troubleshooting. People have tons of different tricks that they think are so cutting edge, but they underestimate the effectiveness of diagnosing a problem and addressing it on the spot.

Remember not to just troubleshoot yourself after the interaction, but immediately after the fact. You want to actively fix your mistakes as you talk to women. That way you can immediately say, “I wasn’t doing Pace there, I was using deception.”

When you use Pace, you’ll notice that women are very responsive. They’ll react to whatever you’re doing in the moment.

Maybe you do or say something stupid that she doesn’t like. If you get back on track with Pace immediately afterward, she’ll forget your mistake. That will allow you the opportunity to continue turning her on.

Women are very emotionally reactive, which is why it is possible to recover from any mistakes you make, given that you can address them quickly. Pace does that for you.

Pace also works after the fact. With Pace you can reflect on the interactions you’ve had with women and say: “Okay, am I weak in any of the focalities? Is there a habitual mistake I’m making? How does that relate to Pace? Where is deception sneaking in?”

With Pace you can retrace your steps, troubleshoot yourself, and improve your interactions with women.

Being Good Enough

I think the fundamental dissonance is the idea that somehow you’re wrong compared to the standard of who you’re supposed to be. That who you are right now is different from that ideal, and that’s bad. It’s this idea that you’re not good enough.

Let’s look at a couple of things. On the surface these sound like real reasons to not talk to women. I can reframe these for you. The idea that she’s too this or that.

“She’s too young.”

“She’s too hot.”

These are fake disqualifications. The reality is that you do want to talk to her, but you tell yourself she’s too young, or that she’s out of your league. Those 2 are the most common thoughts that emerge from the fundamental fear of trying and failing; the root cause of which is feeling like you’re not good enough.

The reason “I’m not good enough” won’t come to the forefront of your consciousness is because that would be too painful.

Trying to reframe that with cognition alone is a losing battle. There’s things to learn about cognitive therapy behavior but fundamentally trying to change the mind with the mind is just not the way to go, because the mind has embedded problems and patterns established already that are not easy to alter with just mental power.

The bottom line is they’re just habits so they can be changed.

Say you see a girl that’s just beautiful, she’s “out of your league”, she’s your 10. If you’re not “good enough” for her that still allows you yourself to be an 8 or a 9.

That’s not too rough on your own self esteem, your own feelings about yourself. But both of these do come from the same idea that you’re not good enough. I think that trying to convince yourself that they’re wrong is just not the right way to go.

So what if the girl is too young for you as far as your ability to relate to younger women? If these are the kind of women you want, you need to find a way to get those types of women.

Where does the fear come from here?

is it about her or is it about you?

I would bet that it’s really about you. That you’re not going to be able to relate to her, and it’s going to be awkward. She’s going to think you’re boring because you’re older and you don’t know how to connect with a fun younger girl.

So, you want these women but you don’t know how to relate to ‘em. You could see that as a hindrance, or you could see that as an opportunity. You can learn from her how to converse with younger women.

That way, it’s okay if you fail, especially at first because you’re learning.

Fundamentally, I can’t change the fear for you. No reframe is going to do that. That’s why hypnosis and NLP and all that stuff is really marginalized because it’s kind of ridiculous on the surface and it doesn’t really solve the problem. No one can solve your fear for you.

What you can do though is start replacing“why” with “why not?”

What you’re doing there is you’re streamlining who you want to be as a person with action. So when you approach, even if it goes wrong, (and this is important) it’s still a success in your mind.

You need to approach several times over a long-term period, and have at least 20 experiences where you feel good afterwards. That’s going to change the fear for you. That’s where the fear changes. That’s where the mental habit, and the emotional neural pathways get changed.

The only way that you’re going to approach women without feeling bad afterwards is by changing the reason why you approach these women. You change it so that you’re aligned with your values.

You value learning, improving, expanding your comfort zone and gaining experience. That’s just how to be successful. If you don’t value that, you need to cultivate that in your mind as soon as possible.

So, in the case of younger girls, sure, there’s the base level of primal sexual desire. You see a young girl – you want to fuck her. But there’s also the bigger reason, the more existential reason “Why?”

And that’s what you ought to think about in terms of your inner dialogue. The reason why I think you should approach younger women is to learn how to relate better to younger people. You are probably able to relate to people your age and older, but being able to relate to a younger woman is different.

Personal Paradigm Shift

As men who are training to get elite-level results with women and “go beyond dating”, we must make a personal paradigm shift.

We need to be aware of, and enact the opposite of the traditional dating dynamic.

The traditional script is basically composed of four or five acts.

Act One: You see a woman and you put her on a pedestal in your mind. You put her above you mentally.

Act Two: You walk up and talk to her, which is a good thing, but you try to impress her.

This is a logical strategy to use because if someone is above you, it makes sense that you would try to impress them.

Then perhaps she gives you some attention. Maybe she sees past your insecurity and your pedestal mentality because that’s not that different from what she’s experienced her entire life. Hell, it’s what every other guy is doing. She’s probably come to expect that and she decides to give you a chance.

Act Three: You start putting pressure on her.

This, you think, is your big chance to be with an attractive woman. So you get needy and put pressure on her.

Maybe you call her too much. Maybe you force the conversation. Maybe you try to get her back to your place before it’s really appropriate. Little, seemingly insignificant things like that start to eat away at your relationship.

Act Four: she starts to pull away from you.

Now, this could be in a relationship that’s been going on for a while or this could be in the first 30 seconds (i.e. you approach, she gives you a chance, you try too hard to impress her, you get needy, she pulls away and doesn’t want to talk to you anymore.)

Now, this cycle repeats itself, and it becomes even more ingrained every time it does.

The next time you see an attractive woman you start over at Act One (pedestal mentality). Only this time you’re carrying a lot of resentment and you’re frustrated due to your failures. You also have the belief that women don’t like you, because that’s been your experience.

So you’re starting over with even more insecurity and anger.

Women can sense when a guy is used to being frustrated with women and it’s just not attractive.

I know a lot of older guys who are really jaded and stuck in their ways having a very negative view of women – and that’s because they had this experience over and over and over again.

I don’t want you to be like that. As you get to your older years I want you looking back at all the great experiences you had with women. I want you feeling good about all your relationships and sex and romance – and this is what women want from you too.

How And Why I Pushed Her Away [How To Avoid Losing Your Girlfriend]

Growing up, girls would occasionally show interest in me, but I was really shy and awkward. When I tried to talk to them, I would embarrass myself. But most of the time I just chickened out.

But, I would always fail with girls.

Looking back, I realize I was brainwashed into thinking that I had to say the right thing to impress them.

When I was 22 I met a girl and fell in love. I was even thinking about marriage. After dating for almost 3 years, I started worrying about losing her, so I was always trying to please her. I would get jealous, and acted needy. This pushed her further away until she finally dumped me.

Eventually she called me on the phone and broke it off. In our last phone conversation we were arguing and she said she was going to go, and I responded “Well, I love you”

She responded “I’m not going to say it back. I don’t feel that way anymore.”

I was devastated.

That’s when I decided I was going to figure this out.

I was sick of being frustrated. Sick of feeling like I was getting lucky.

You probably know the feeling. I could get in my car, drive to work, make money no problem. I could study hard, get straight A’s, excel in sport. I could make a sandwich, I could build a fire, I could fix a flat tire.

Yet the one thing so important to me in my life I was leaving up to fate – just spinning my wheels, completely baffled.

That was unacceptable to me because I’m the kind of person who needs to understand things. I need to have a sense of control over my life and optimize it as best I can – to have the best that I can get at any given moment.

I discovered there was a handful of guys out there actively working on learning, studying, and experimenting with what turns women on. They were writing about it on the internet in forums and some had even written a few books under various aliases

such as “Mystery”, “Gambler”, “Matador”, and other such stylish names.

So I dabbled in some of that, but with most of them I just couldn’t stick with their style.

Eventually I came across a man who at that time went by Woodhaven. I learned a ton from him, and I especially learned the immense value in having a personal trainer or a mentor.

I decided to take his live in-person weekend training (called a boot camp).

The loan refund processed and it went to my bank account. So I just used that money to get what I consider a real education. And I’ve never looked back.

I developed the life skills to meet women whenever I want and have great relationships with them. The kind of relationships that I wanted that I was never able to have when I was younger.

Today I have more women in my life than I probably deserve. I can meet women whenever I want, in pretty much in any context, have them been interested in me, and it’s really my decision as to whether we get to know each other or not.

At this point, if I want to sleep with a woman – unless something completely out of my control like an earthquake or a tornado stops me – I pretty much know I can.

For me it feels the same as doing your job or writing a paper for school. You know how to do it. You know the process. You know how it works.

Of course, you make mistakes – just like anyone else at any level – but this part of my life is now something that I can control, something I can do deliberately, and not feel frustrated about anymore.

That’s going to be the main theme for you throughout this program: I’m going to work with you on your lifestyle, on your mental tools, your mind-sets with women, and then contextual techniques so that you have a tool belt to use for any situation.

Easy to Learn, Easy to Apply

To get elite results and to get them fast you need a non-linear system: Pace is that system, and it is surprisingly easy to apply.

It’s easy to learn and internalize deceptive behaviors. But Pace can be easily applied to your life because you’re already doing it. The problem is that you’re also doing things that aren’t good.

When you identify what’s good and what’s not you can begin to cultivate Pace and minimize deception.

The best way to connect with a woman is to have fun. You want to laugh and smile and have a good time with her.

Having fun interactions with women is what turns them on. Fun is how people connect, and women are no exception.

Guys who are good at having fun, flirty, positive interactions naturally have a lot of women, assuming they haven’t settled down with one already.

These are the guys who tend to be very successful in other aspects of life. They know how to joke around with friends and family and they know how connect with people in the workplace.

A common trait among these men is that they know how to get the best out of people without being a jerk. Their bosses or superiors are more likely to like them and appreciate their work.

When I was in my twenties talking to women felt similar to having a panic attack. I would shake, my heart would be racing, and I wasn’t be able to think clearly.

Every guy has experienced this. I recently just read a research paper which said that men literally can’t think straight when they look at a beautiful woman. They lose it.

But guys who don’t—the rare men who are cool, fun, and calm—can joke around with women without losing it, and are therefore very successful when dating.

As soon as I noticed this I realized that when you see men with beautiful women, you can’t assume that he has something you don’t. It’s not the shirt he’s wearing. It’s not his muscles or his good looks. It’s how he thinks. It’s his mentality.

That’s why, for a man, it’s so hard to see what other guys are doing, because it’s in their mind.

It’s tough to draw parallels between 2 different guys who are good with women because they probably have very different personalities. The common denominator is hidden, because it’s cognition.

The common denominator is I:PA*CE.

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