I’m nice. Most men who connect well with women are nice.
Where does the Jerk Myth come from?
Often, when they talk to men in a social situation, women act helpless, impulsive, silly, and even disrespectful or irresponsible. This is because most men allow it – women can act stupid, and still get sexual attention.
Some men call women out, ignore them, or tease them. These men tend to be gay, and women love them for it.
Gay men treat women as human beings because they don’t want anything from them. To a gay man, she is just a person, and he holds her to the same standards as any other person. (It’s interesting to see a gay man get all frazzled around a man he is attracted to. Depending on how effinate he is, he will act like a girl with a crush, or a guy in the “friendzone.”)
A man who is sexually interested in a woman, but can hold her to HUMAN standards, will end up teasing her and ignoring her a lot. He won’t be fooled by her pouting or caught up in her frivolous drama. He will let her know when she is acting immaturely.
Men who naturally connect well with women see them as human beings first.
Hold women to adult human standards. To do anything else is demeaning and objectifying. Nice guys are actually disrespectful to women.
Imagine someone nodding and smiling and approving of everything you do. It would be creepy, and make you think they had a hidden agenda. Sound familiar?
Forget jerk and nice.
If a woman annoys you, ignore her. If a woman acts stupid, tease her. If she is disrespectful, laugh at her and pull your attention away as you would to a guy acting the same.
It’s good to let women be silly, but don’t treat them like children. Hold them to adult standards. Women are used to being babied by men who want to fuck them. So when you do this, you may get called a jerk.
It’s no different than calling your buddy out for doing something immature, and he says “shut up asshole.” It’s the same thing.
A great piece of advice, though it may get misinterpreted: treat her like a guy friend. Don’t try to change your personality, or lower your standards just because you might “have a chance.”
Your integrity is more important than sleeping with one girl. This is how a leader thinks, and leadership is path to elite results with women.Continue reading >>
Neuroscientists have made a lot of progress explaining emotion chemically, but I’ve found the resonance/dissonance model is extremely practical for improving oneself sense of well-being.
Emotion is a vibration, a chord made by the Three levels of being. Sometimes this chord is harmonic, sometimes discordant, usually somewhere in between.
This chord becomes discordant when I’m misaligned – my direction, focality, and message are not flowing in a straight, direct line. This misalignment creates dissonance – a dissonant vibration in my body.
Aligned, my levels resonate. I feel energized and powerful. My words and actions are bold and efficient.
Dissonance is the result of Deception – first of oneself, then of others.
The First Lie is that you are not good enough, and that you must change to be “OK.”
The Second Lie is telling others you are someone different than you believe yourself to be.
Think of cognitive dissonance, and how we justify and rationalize to reduce it. The pain of being misaligned, of lying to oneself and to others, can be so great that you want to escape your body. This is when we distract ourselves – with TV, porn, alcohol and other drugs, etc.
Deception is the 6th Focality – it is the block in the way to success with women.
You are already using the other Focalities, as well as the 6th. Deception is what stunts your progress. If you are Deceiving yourself or others, you are succumbing to fear, rather than facing it.
When we resist dissonance, we use deception. We lie to ourselves, trick our bodies with drugs for a temporary escape.
When I feel bad about my intention with a woman, I try to deceive her.
Maybe I act more mach or “cool” than normal. Maybe I avoid showing my sexuality and play it safe. Maybe I brag and exaggerate my accomplishments. Maybe I use a routine or script I read on a seduction forum, or a line to make her think I am witty.
Resistance to your nature – Misaligning your animal and spirit – t makes you feel dissonance. To resolve dissonance, you can do two things:
1. Deception: drugs, lying to yourself, distraction, lying to women
2. Stop resisting whatever you don’t like. Face it, accept it, decide on the courageous path through Fear, and Act.
The double meaning of ACT Leadership System is that nothing happens without action. Everything I teach requires action, but also makes action easier, and more effective in terms of real world results.
When you resonate within, others resonate with you. They feel your music. You remind them of the truth – the moment is perfect, there can only be now, and we are OK.
People want truth. Embody it and they will follow you, hopefully they will come to embody it themselves.
What are you fighting inside yourself?Continue reading >>
You are always trying to Impact the world, and people – especially women.
When you feel you cannot, when you feel you aren’t making an impact, you feel impotent. This could happen when you are not challenged at work, or when you hit a plateau on your bench press.
This is why you feel frustrated when when you see a beautiful woman…and do nothing.
It’s your nature to Thrust. You feel proud when you know you are making an impact.
Boys like to build structures with legos, and smash them down.
Men like to build businesses, wealth, skillsets.
When I hear Her moan as I push myself deeply into her body, I know I’m Impacting her.
When I hear Her pant as I Thrust harder and faster, I know she feels me.
When I hear her gasp and squeal as I enter her soft, tight opening, I know how I relate to her.
I impact her with my passion, my Love, which is my power. I was born to do this.
I am Thrust.
Impact is the Third Level, where my Core Nature – my Soul, my Essence – touches the world, touches Her.
She chokes on me. She cums as she rides me. Her eyes light up when she looks down and sees the bulge in my pants. She sighs when I put my arm around her and kiss the top of her head. She smiles excitedly when I tell her I thought of her. She glows when I look at her, telling her with my eyes what I feel in my Heart.
She cannot detract from me. She can only feel what I give, what I send, what I put forth. Her response is a reflection – her Embrace. Her Embrace will always reflect as a perfect compliment to the degree of my fullness.
The impact I make depends on the fullness of my Thrust – my inner Resonance. She won’t resonate with me if I don’t resonate with myself.
Impact is when my soul meets hers.
My choices ripple infinitely outward.
My actions touch the world, no matter how small.
I’m always thrusting, always impacting, consciously or unconsciously.
You are always fucking, so do it with passionate abandon.
Give the world all you’ve got.Continue reading >>
A lot of rich guys suck with women.
Just watch millionaire matchmaker – those guys are a mess socially. Unfortunately, she doesn’t give them tools – teach a man to fish, so they can get women on their own. They hire a matchmaker thinking they don’t have time to meet women, but all it takes is 5 minutes while you’re out shopping for groceries.
She gives them fish, in the form of gold diggers who know exactly why they are there.
I teach men to fish.
GBD is all about making women and dating simple easy and fun, using a breakthrough system that keeps you in the moment, while staying on track moving forward with any woman you choose. – lighting your load so you can go beyond.
See, the hottest women don’t go for guys who cahse women and are caught up in the dating game. They go for guys who are beyond all that, and are on their path.
However, if you dont have the social skills and foundations of an elite guy, you’ll miss out.Continue reading >>
1. Daygame interview, meeting Cristina
1. Honesty versus “game” and what really works
Women women most strongly to honesty. Seriously. We can talk about confidence, being smooth, having game, etc. Women say they want a man to approach with confidence, and preferably says something funny or witty related to the situation. Well in my experience this is absolutely useless advice because neither are necessary for success.
What works is being honest – authentic, naked, exposed. Saying what’s on your mind without apologizing for it in your paralanguage. If you can think of something clever or witty, cool – bonus points. Not necessary to start a conversation with a hot woman. In fact, wit can’t be forced – it’s something that naturally happens as you become more comfortable and relaxed. The way to get there is to start by being honest. By approaching directly, you grow a bigger set of balls – you are able to tolerate a higher level of social tension, and thus, become acclimated to social situations. Acclimation means you are comfortable at higher and higher levels of pressure.
2. Shifting Gears
Typically when a man approaches a woman, he is already in a sexual state, but she is not. She must shift gears. So this is the first thing to understand about how a woman chooses men is that she needs a moment to get on the same page as I. If I am impatient or pushy, I don’t allow her to shift into a sexual mindset.
I WANT a woman to look at me, size me up, and feel my positive energy before I try to have a conversation with her. I want her to see the passion in my eyes. I want her to see that I’m happy to see her, that I don’t want to hurt her, and that she turns me on. I want send a Message of sexual warmth through my eyes and body.
Women I’ve approached often tell me later that they could feel a positive energy when we first met. I didn’t have that nervous, predatory energy that most guys have. It makes a huge difference in my results because this is the first thing on which a woman chooses a man. If I don’t show a warm, positive, sexual message to a woman I’m approaching, I’m stunting my chances.
My advice to students is to go slow. I try to lock eyes before I open my mouth. If possible, I get into her line of sight before I approach, so that she at least knows I exist. The morecomfortable, yet spontaneous I can make the approach, the better. This means making sure she sees me, approaching slowly, and looking into her eyes with sexual warmth
Selection part 3: Respect
I never hear men talk about the importance of respect when approaching a woman. Of course, I hear women talk about respect, or lack thereof, all the time when it comes to how they want to be approached.
Most guys commit one of two extremes. They are either overly aggressive, oblivious to a woman’s personal space, what she’s doing, and whether or not they are scaring her. Let’s call this Attacking.
On the other end of the spectrum and probably more common, men are not aggressive enough; they are so timid that the woman isn’t even aware that they are interested, or they don’t approach at all. Let’s call this Defending.
But there is a middle ground. Be aggressive, but respectful. Finding this balance requires experience, i.e. lots of failure and mistakes…and trust me, I’ve got plenty of experience! It’s been a rough road, learning to approach women effectively, but it’s been worth it. The journey itself was fun (albeit painfully embarrassing sometimes), and the payoff has been huge.
My friends look on in amazement when I approach the kind of women all the other guys are scared to talk to. Later, they ask me, “I didn’t think you had a chance with that girl! How’d you get her smiling so fast? How the hell did you get her number?”
2. How I started – my early experiences in daygame
I’ve never been a big fan of going out just to pick up women. This creates a feeling of pressure, and is very time-inefficient (and anyone who knows me knows I’m all about efficiency).
If you are finding it difficult to make time to go out and socialize, or you always see women at the grocery store but don’t know what to say, what I’m about to tell you is essential to meeting more women.
One thing you may not know is that women actually fantasize about meeting men at the grocery store. It’s a romantic story that a woman would like to tell her friends.
Think about the difference between:
“I met this guy at the bar. I he came up to me and told me I was hot, so I talked to him and gave him my number because he was cute.”
“So I was at the grocery store, in my sweats, totally in my own world. Then out of nowhere this really sweet guy comes up to me and asked me “What’s for dinner?” It was totally cocky, but he had this really warm smile that just made the whole thing funny. Next thing I knew he was asking for my number. I hope he calls. I’ve never had a guy approach me like that!”
3. Types of openers – street/direct, and focus situational
I work from home, which means I work in café’s. I can’t focus at home. Everytime I tell myself, “OK today I’m going to sit at my desk and write,” it never happens. I end up playing Xbox, browsing the web, or taking naps. So I spend a lot of time at café’s. I’m also girl-crazy (a girl told me that when I was five years old, and I think it describes me pretty well, even today). So I’ve figured out some ways to meet women at café’s. As always, I like to make it easy!
#1 “Work or school?”
If you see a girl with her laptop and notes out, she is likely studying or doing something work-related. Now the challenge here is that you want to show your interest by being curious about her, but you don’t want to be nosy or distract her if she’s really into what she’s doing. 9 times out of 10, simply asking, “work or school?” will get her to look up and answer with a smile.
The key is to say this as you sit down or walk past – don’t walk up to her, stand there, and ask. This would make her nervous because it looks like you are going to take up a lot of her time with your romantic intention. Just break the ice, sit down, and give her some space. When she answers, there are two more questions to ask: “What are you studying/what do you do?” And, “Do you like it/How is that?” This will get her talking, and you’re in.
#2 “What’d you get?”
This is obvious, especially if she gets one of those crazy caramel frappiato mochatocha chonga drinks. Odds are, that’s her favorite drink, or she’s trying something new. Either way, ask her if it’s good. She’ll probably smile and tell you about her drink. The conversation will die, and that’s OK, because it will be ten times easier to reinitiate when you think of something else to talk about (i.e. something else from this list).
#3 “Have you been to (local spot)?”
A café is typically filled with customers from the area. That means that she’s probably been to, or heard about, any bar, restaurant, park, or other attraction in the area. You can ask if she’s been to the new Cuban restaurant down the street, and get her opinion of it. If you have already been, you can still ask her, and then tell her how good it is. Again, this is just another easy way to initiate a conversation without making her uncomfortable, while showing your interest. After this topic, you can easily switch by asking if she’s from the neighborhood, where she grew up, what she does, etc.
#4 Make fun of yourself
Another easy way to start a conversation is by making a statement about yourself. Of course, if you just say something random about yourself, like “I brushed my teeth today,” you will look like a nutjob. But if you crack a joke about yourself, or think aloud about a mistake you made, you will get a laugh, and you’ll look charming. The Irish are very good at this.
For example, let’s say you try to get a drink you’ve never had – a caramel choka monga flippiato with sprinkles. As you sit down, you see a cute college girl at the table next to you. You could say, “I only ordered this because I’m comfortable with my sexuality,” or “I hope this doesn’t make me less of a man. Don’t tell anyone you saw me drinking this.”
#5 I love this place because
Another easy way to start a conversation with a statement is to say something really positive – something that will make the other person smile and feel good as well. Obviously you can give them a compliment, but in a café, being direct like that can sometimes backfire. Talk about what a beautiful day it is (even if it’s snowy, you can talk about how pretty the snow is). Talk about how cool the café is – how you like all the weird decorations and pictures. Say, “I love the coffee here. They make it really dark, which I need. I think if it weren’t for coffee I’d never get anything done.” Going first will make her comfortable reciprocating, and boom, you’re having a conversation. Keep it simple, and say it with a smile!
4. What I’ve learned – overview of approaching
Let’s break this down. First of all, my number one piece of advice for meeting women anywhere is to be really warm. You can ask her any boring question with a really warm, loving expression, and it will come off attractive.
This can be difficult if you are running errands and not really in a great mood. So here’s the trick to get in a warm, positive mood. Let her beauty make you happy! Most guys look at attractive women and get a “wolf look” on their face. This is no good. I’ve had gay guys look at me with the predatory look, and it is NOT flattering. It’s scary!
When you see a cute girl at the grocery store, try saying a mantra in your head, to get you in the mood:
“Wow. What a beeeeautiful woman!” And let your face light up.
So, make sure you have a warm facial expression, and a calm upright posture. Then say something light and flirty – in other words, indicate that you think she’s attractive, but don’t come on too strong. Some examples:
“So what’s for dinner?” This implies you’d like to have dinner with her, showing your interest.
“A cute woman who actually cooks! Cool points for you.”
“I’ll have to come here on (whatever day it is) more often. I never see cute women here.”
“You just might be the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen in the produce section.”
You can also try something totally innocent, like asking her if she knows how to boil a lobster, and then transitioning into small talk about eachother’s lives. Here’s an example:
You: “Hey do you know which cut is more tasty – New York strip or Porterhouse?”
Her: “I think porterhouse but I’m not sure.”
You: “Oh ok…I’m having some friends over and I’m in charge of the grill, but to be honest, my grill skills are a little sketchy haha.”
Her: “Haha yea that’s something a guy should know.”
You: “Yeah I’m working on it. I’ll work on my skills and maybe cook something for you.”
Her: “Oh yeah? I don’t even know you!”
You: “Let’s fix that. I’m (your name). So are you from the area?”
In a situation that is not inherently social (i.e. not a bar, club, or class), any kind of conversation you have a with a woman will have a romantic edge to it. The real challenge is to get over your own anxiety. Do this by keeping it simple, showing women you think they are attractive, and having a conversation to learn about who they are as people. This is the natural way, and what works in the real world.
5. What I do now
A woman plays a passive role, assessing a man’s personality silently, watching to see what he does. This means a woman usually won’t be proactive conversationally. You’ll have to be get the ball rolling and build conversational momentum. When I run live training programs, I call to this as Wedging.
Wedging is a simple process, and starts the same way just about every time. Once you’ve initiated the interaction – with a compliment or a simple “Hi,” ask a simple question (SQ). I usually give students a list of SQs, just so they understand the concept and can do it on their own. Here’s a few examples.
“How’s your day/night going?” “What are you up to?” “Where are you from?”
Now these may seem like boring, typical questions. They are. What’s important is what you do after you ask them. She’ll likely give you a short, simple answer. Here’s the important part. Answer your own question, but give the level of detail and emotion that you want to see from her. Demonstrate what you want from her by Expressing yourself (Expression is ‘E’ in the I-PA*CE Leadership Focalities). Essentially you’re jumping into the pool first to show her the water is warm.
5. Pings and Messages
People believe about you what you tell them, or more accurately, what you Message to them.
A woman I approach can’t see my resume, has no letters-of-reference from my past girlfriends, and doesn’t have a copy of my life story. All she knows is that I’m attracted to her, I seem friendly, and I’m relatively sociable. What she doesn’t know, but needs to, is how I perceive myself, so that she knows how to perceive me.
When a woman is approached by a seemingly confident man, she has to quickly decide if he has real potential, or if he’s putting on a confident act. If you approach poorly, messing up the things I’ve talked about (helping her shift gears, being respectful, building conversational momentum), she’ll just reject you.
But if you do well, guess what? She’s going to test you! It seems counter-intuitive. If I do everything right, I’m going to get tested MORE. Why? Because she’s actually thinking about having sex with me, and since sex carries a lot of risk for a woman, she needs to make sure I’m worth it.
How to attract women anywhere
I have a saying that I try to remember on a daily basis. I actually got it from a rap song I heard a while back (credit to Suga Free).
If you stay ready, you ain’t got to get ready
This article is about always being attractive when you leave your house. Now, I’m not necessarily talking about approaching women. Instead, I’m talking about presenting yourself in public in such a way that if you decide to talk to a woman, she will be very receptive to your approach.
First of all, let’s talk about clothes and style. Keep it clean. I can’t stand this fashion trend of stitched-on dragons and skulls and crazy squiggles. A clean, well-fitting t-shirt, and some blue jeans is a great look for any guy. Make sure your jeans are up to date – no Wranglers from 1992. True Religion, Joe’s Jeans, Levi’s, Diesel – these are all great brands. Make sure they fit and don’t have too much extra decoration.
Don’t get too fancy unless you really know what you are doing. Keep your shirts simple and masculine. Get some plaid shirts with colors that look good with your skin tone. Roll up the sleeves. Solid button-downs are much better than fancy stripes or stitched dragons. V-neck t-shirts make your shoulders look broader. Make sure your clothes are clean and unwrinkled.
Get a woman who knows fashion to go shoe-shopping with you. Women always notice a guys shoes (I know, it’s weird). Trust that a woman will know which shoes you should wear, and you’ll be shocked when women give you more attention when you wear what your female friend picked out for you.
A standard for any guy, dressing up, or dressing down, is a stylish, well-fitting jacket. Have a casual jacket for when the weather cools off, and maybe a heavier coat if it gets really cold. This is another thing women really notice.
So let’s recap fashion:
Keep it clean and simple
Pick colors that suit your skin tone, and wear styles that fit your body type
Keep your items up to date, and get help from women whenever possible
Make sure you are groomed. There’s nothing worse than going 3 days without shaving or taking a shower, going to the grocery store in your sweats, and seeing the girl of your dreams in the produce section. You look like crap, you feel like a slob. This will kill your confidence and give you an easy excuse to chicken out.
Keep your facial hair groomed – shave clean or trim your beard. Make sure your haircut is current and sharp. Pluck nose and ear hairs, and make sure you smell clean when you leave your house. Working from home, this is an area I really have to discipline myself.
Lastly, make small talk with strangers as soon as you leave your house. This will keep you warmed up mentally, for social situations. If you are already in the habit of talking to people first thing in the morning, it will be much easier to strike up a conversation with women on your lunch break. And by happy hour, you’ll be on fire!
These are some easy ways to stay ready for meeting women. Get your wardrobe together, keep your body clean and groomed, and stay socially warmed-up. Then you will have no excuses!
Continue reading >>
As a professional dating coach for men, I’m sometimes referred to as a pick up artist. I thought of myself this way for a long time when I got started learning how to be good with women.
I don’t think this accurately depicts who I am or what I do now. In my personal life, I’m simply a man who loves women, and understands them much better than the typical guy.
Professionally, I’m a dating coach for men. I teach men how to be successful meeting women and living the kind of lifestyle they want. I also teach guys how to be good in bed, how to have great dates, and how to connect with women on a very deep level.
But a lot of guys who are just learning how to be good with women are starting like I started – as pick up artists. So I thought I’d write up a little article of some of my favorite pickup artist tips. These are tips to get you started – techniques you can use to get success right away and start yourself on a positive feedback loop of success.
Tips to pick up women
1. One of the hardest things for guys to do is approach women. Even the toughest guy gets scared when he wants to talk to attractive women. The problem is that he is worried about how to impress women, instead of how to help them impress him! This is a powerful shift in thinking. So when you approach women, you should not be thinking about what to say to make her laugh or make her like you.
Instead, tell her something YOU like about HER. And make it specific. Don’t just say, “You’re hot.” Say, “I like your hair! It’s different, but looks great on you.” Or, “I love how you move when you dance. I can’t stop looking at you.” Giving a woman a specific compliment on her beauty is my favorite way to start a conversation, and it’s very effective if done with a warm energy and focused eye contact.
2. Once a guy is past the approach, the next step is conversation. As the man, you will have to carry the conversation at first, because women don’t usually know what to say or do when they are approached. They just become passive and try to keep up if they like you. You’re goal is to change this by giving her the confidence to express herself freely. This is another shift in thinking because conventional wisdom says that as the man it’s your job to be confident.
Think about it – what do confident people do? They try to build up those around them. This is your focus when talking to a woman. Instead of bragging, be self-deprecating. Instead of trying to be funny, poke fun at her for her cute quirks. Instead of thinking about how to get sexual, focus on making her feel comfortable with you. This will allow her natural sexuality to emerge, because she feels safe expressing that side of herself to you.
3. When you take a girl back to your place (or hers), go slow, but don’t hesitate. This is a subtle balance, between rushing and waiting. A woman can tell when you are rushing and desperate for sex, but she can also tell when you are too scared to make a move. Women also like it when a guy takes his time and savors the moments leading up to sex. I’ve noticed that if I move and talk slow, but still make my move, I rarely get resistance.
Guys are always worried about how to get a girl to have sex. The way I see it, if she’s comfortable, and turned-on, she will WANT to have sex. Going slow without being timid achieves this. Once you are finally naked together, make sure you last at least 15 minutes and give her a good variety of experience – go hard and deep, fast and shallow, slow it down, and speed it up. If you just do what you feel, she’ll feel YOU, and that’s what a woman wants – to feel a man fully.
More tips to pick up women – specific techniques to use when approaching women
4. If you see a woman pass on the street, let her pass, then turn around and catch up to her. Flank around her and approach from her 10 o’clock or 2 o’clock position. Look into her eyes, slow to a stop, forcing her to stop, and tell her how beautiful you think she is. Ask her name, and go from there.
If you want to approach a a woman in a grocery store, try this one: “Wow, a beautiful woman who cooks! I like you already.” In a retail store, get her opinion on something you are thinking about buying. When she tells you, say “Hmm a cute girl with good taste. What’s your name?”
If you want to pick up a woman in a bar talking with her friends, go up and say, “Excuse me, I don’t mean to interrupt, but I gotta say you look great. I noticed you right away and had to come over. I’m (your name).”
If you want to approach a girl at a party, keep it light and casual. Tell her you like her outfit, and then ask her if she knows the host.
If you want to start a conversation with a girl in a coffee shop, ask her if she is working on school stuff or work stuff. Most people in coffee shops go there to get some caffeine and focus on something. Just ask what they are up to, and then talk about yourself before you ask another question. This prevents you from looking nosey, and is an easy way to get an interesting conversation going.
5. My last pick up artist tip is about how to get a girl’s number. The easiest way to do this is to simply have a good conversation and tell her you want to see her again. Then say, “What’s your number? I’ll call your phone so you have mine too.” This is my standard. But sometimes you need to get a girl’s number fast, like when you meet her on the street. In this case, say “Hey we both gotta be on our way. You are cute and seem cool. How about we exchange numbers and see what happens.” This usually works for me, but to be honest, if you haven’t made any sort of connection, a woman probably won’t give her number out. You should still try though.
I hope these tips to pick up women lead to you living your ideal sex life.Continue reading >>
It’s important to get really clear about who you are and what you want out of sex. You need to express that, but couple it with the ability to let go.
You do this in conversation in your initial interactions by stating what you’re about and being clear on the kind of man you are.
If a woman talked to you for five minutes, do you think you’d be able to imagine what she’d be like in bed?
That’s a really powerful thing to think about because a lot of times women just can’t picture being in bed with you.
I’ve met so many women who are attractive and fun and nice people – yet for some reason I just can’t picture myself fucking them. I won’t do it. There won’t be any drive to want to do that.
Most guys are already picturing sex with the woman. For women, it’s not quite the same.
Women are extremely horny; just as horny if not more than guys, but they’re not going to be thinking about sex with you until they feel comfortable and familiar with you. And then they’ll think about sex with you constantly. But you have to get there first.
With most guys, in the way they express themselves, you just can’t imagine him fucking the girl.
The girl can’t imagine being fucked by this guy because:
What you want is a woman picturing sex with you without feeling pressure to do so.
The way to do this is to talk about your sexuality, to be interested in her sexuality, and then to respond to that in an appreciative, curious way.
Talk about your preferences. Maybe you like to be really dominant, but you’re also very affectionate, very warm. You like to be in control, but you’re not aggressive or rough. You’re very sensual, very caring, but you love feeling that you’re in total control of a woman’s body and holding her as if she belonged to you.
I’ll say this to her and tell her this is just how I think about sex. With the tone of voice that it doesn’t mean we have to do it now, but rather, we’re just two adults having a conversation. As a result of this, she will start picturing these things in her head.
Perhaps she’ll respond that it sounds really nice. Sometimes she likes being aggressive herself. She likes it when a guy is aggressive with her. There are times for that.
When I talk to her about this my voice is loud.I’m looking into her eyes. I want her to listen. I want her to understand what I’m saying. I want her to picture it.
With regards to your body language and proximity to her, you want to stand close enough so that you can feel the warmth of her body, but no closer.
You can get closer later on, but right off the bat, you want to feel her body heat and you want her to feel yours. That’s when you get into the zone – that little sI:PA*CE where you’re close enough to feel the heat of her body, which means she can feel yours. This creates an incredible charge between the two of you. It literally adds that spark and that heat to it..
When you talk and when you move your hands to express your ideas, you should be doing it fully – loud and dynamic enough so she cannot ignore you. You want her to feel as well as hear what you’re saying.
Just talk openly about who you are sexually, and be genuinely interested and curious about her as a person and her sexuality. When you do this, a woman gets extremely turned on and this motivates her to get to know you, to really want to see you again, to continue the interaction and the sexual tension.
In fact, I don’t think about attraction anymore. I think about creating a sexual vibe with a woman.
Typically, when people think about attraction, they think about value (how cool you are, how smart you are, etc), but unfortunately, that’s something that you can’t change in the two seconds it takes to walk up to the woman. You’re already where you are and that’s that. You’re either good enough or you’re not, and you can’t change it in that moment.
After the night is over, you can go back to the drawing board and fix some things in your life, but at the moment you see that woman, you’re probably only going to get one chance to talk to her, so you’ve got to go do it and just see. If she doesn’t think you’re good enough for whatever reason, that’s ok. That’s good even! at least you tried.
What I do think about when dealing with women is creating a charge, a spark, because that is where real attraction is. It’s sexual attraction.
That’s why you talk to a woman. Because she’s a woman, and you’re a man. If she were another man, it would be nothing more than a normal conversation, and you would probably never see each other again. I meet guys all the time in the bar and have nice and fun conversations, just as I would with any woman, but we don’t number-close each other or make plans to meet up.
It’s that sexual polarity that creates the spark.
The main thing I think about and what I want from a relationship with a woman is chemistry.
I only do things that I can sustain. I’m not interested in a long-term relationship right now, (although who knows what will happen if I meet the right person) but what I think about is chemistry.
I’ve dated too many beautiful women who I just didn’t click with, and it’s just not worth it.
I had a woman tell me one time after we had just finished making love (it was genuinely making love – it was really passionate) that our chemistry is amazing.
She helped me realize that actually was what made that sex so good. That we were on the same wavelength. It’s something that is really hard to define. But you just feel a click with the person; you feel safe with them, like you can let go around them.
That’s really what I’m looking for. When it really is fun and free and loving, that’s when it’s really worth it. Otherwise it’s work.
You’re putting up with shit, or doing things that you wouldn’t otherwise do if sex wasn’t in the equation. You’re putting in mental effort, physical effort, and money.
If you’re not genuinely interested and you don’t really have fun with this girl, it’s going to feel like a lot of work. At that point, sex and time spent hanging out with her is not worth it to me unless there’s chemistry.
Here’s the clincher with chemistry: it cannot be forced. It can only be allowed.
You allow it by being honest. By knowing who you are and what you want, and then allowing the woman to be that as well. You’re guiding her to be real, to be honest, finding out what’s best in her, and having her direct it towards you.
When you do this, you’re not going to have chemistry with every woman, but at least there will actually be a potential for chemistry there. If you’re not being real, and she’s not being real, there is no potential at all. Ten percent is better than zero percent, right?
I’m not necessarily talking about meeting the one and being married or anythin. I’m talking about having relationships with women where it doesn’t feel like work. It’s just pure fun. You want to see her. You choose to call her. You don’t feel obligated to call her because if you don’t she’ll break up with you. You want to call her – and if you don’t, she’s not going to flip out about it because she knows that you care about her and that you two have a connection.
Chemistry is when two people make each other better. She inspires you to be a better man, you inspire her to be a better woman, and you two grow together. That’s what chemistry is really all about. That’s the ultimate goal.Continue reading >>
You really have to ask yourself how serious of a relationship, or what kind of relationship you want. I’ve had every kind of a relationship with women. Girls who were just friends, girls who I would make out with occasionally, girls who I would hook up with and have sex. Genuine but casual girlfriends (knowing that it wasn’t going to last very long for whatever reason), to long term committed relationships. Even within those categories, a whole spectrum of relationship types.
I’ve had women who we were basically fuck buddies, or casual sex friends. She could hang out, watch the game with me and my friends, have a beer, and then we wouldn’t do anything. Other times she would come over at two a.m. and we would have sex. It was very clear the kind of activities that we would do together. I would never take these girls to a museum, or go out to dinner with them or anything like that. It was basically a drink at a sports bar and have sex.
I’ve also had situations with girls that were crazy about me – very sexually attracted to me – and I was just not going to go there. They were pretty and attractive, but I decided that was not something we were going to do.
You have to think about what you really want in your relationship. And it varies from woman to woman because every connection is unique. Certain women draw out different sides of me. There are certain women that I even think of doing certain sexual positions with, whereas I wouldn’t with others.
There are certain women that have skills and talents and I want them to contribute to my life. If a woman is good at cooking — Great! She can cook with me. If a woman is great at dancing, I’ll go dancing with her.
For example, I had a girl teach me how to salsa dance. There are a lot of different things you can do with women – you just really have to be clear on what you want with the girl – and you have to do that in short order.
When you meet a woman, it’s really important that you get a sense of who she really is, and that you are honest with yourself about what you want to do with her. At that point, it’s just a matter of sticking to it. Don’t waver on that. Don’t let her use her manipulative tools to try to get you in a commitment or get you in a relationship that you don’t want. She’s going to try to get what she wants too, and you don’t want to go there. You want to be the one who has more self-control.
That’s not to say that all women are manipulative, or they all play games, but a lot do. Every woman is looking to have some kind of control or some means to get her way and get exactly what she wants, and guys submit to that way too easily.
At some point in a relationship, it’s okay to compromise. But early on, that girl doesn’t mean anything to you – you just met her – she’s barely a friend. Don’t get sucked into making commitments that you don’t want to make, or doing things that you don’t want to do purely for sex.
One thing women always try to do is get me to come and hang out with their friends. I hate that. I don’t want to meet her friends. I don’t give a shit about her friends, and I really don’t want to be in a group full of girls who are chit-chatting about things and people I don’t know.
I’d rather do anything other than that. Women often say they want you to meet their friends but oftentimes they just want to bring you around to see what their friends think of you. Maybe because they’re really starting to care about you and like you, and they want to make sure they’re not making a mistake.
This has happened to me so many times.I don’t want to sit there and have their little girlfriends ask me a bunch of personal questions about my life. This relationship is about me and her, not them. That’s something that I don’t want to do with a woman, so I’m not going to.
A lot of times, women will make ultimatums like if you don’t want to meet her friends that just tells her that you don’t care. That maybe you shouldn’t be seeing each other.
To that i’ll respond, “No, that’s not what it means. But whatever. If that’s your call, that’s your call. I’m not doing it. I don’t feel like hanging out with your friends.”
That ability to not give a shit, let go, and not care is really powerful. Possibly more powerful than anything else.
You want to make sure that she’s not forcing you to do things you don’t want to do. That means you’ve got to get clear on who you are – which means, in order for you to stick to who you are, you have to be willing to let go.
It can sound a little counterintuitive, but my overall point is to focus on yourself.
A lot of this comes across as trying to define her and alter her outlook or behaviour when really it’s about you.
It’s about you not being needy. Being able to let go. Being able to tell her if she wants to do something that you don’t feel like doing, she can go on her way and that’s fine with you.
That’s the most powerful, natural, organic way to shape women. What we’re really talking about is making sure that her place in your life doesn’t get overgrown and doesn’t turn into something that you don’t want.That’s really important, because it’s such a slippery slope.
I know from dating a lot of women who are just flat-out used to men desperately wanting to be their boyfriend, and just desperately wanting a commitment.
A lot of women I’ve dated have had men propose to them and treat them like princesses. These are women who are used to being the hottest woman that the guy has ever met.
They’ll try to get more commitment than they deserve, and get me to be more serious than I am. They try to get me to do extra boyfriend/girlfriend kind of things too fast, and I really don’t feel like doing it. That’s not where I’m at with them, so I just don’t do it.
It’s always shocking to them at first, but I think they realized that they’re out of line and that they’re expecting something that they don’t really have any right to expect.
I also noticed that when I uphold my boundaries, the attraction goes up tenfold – and the dynamic always shifts. The relationship then becomes more about me and what I want, and the woman is constantly making sure that everything is okay, that she’s not pushing too hard which is a really nice change of I:PA*CE after all the years of frustrated dating I’ve experienced. To finally have a really beautiful woman consider me is really enjoyable. I want that for you.
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I think of compliance as short-term-shaping. You’re always getting compliance, but at some point you don’t really have to ask for it or try to get it – the woman tries to get it anyway.
If you think of the kind of interaction you want to have, you also have to ask yourself if you can hold your own in that kind of interaction. Are you asking this girl to do something that you can’t do yourself?
What do you want out of this relationship with this woman?
You want her giving as much as she’s getting, if not more. Trust me, I know. I’ve been in relationships where the woman was the princess and that was really tough.
After a while I started to feel resentment towards her. Even though the girl was really pretty, I actually got to a point where I didn’t want to have sex with her anymore because I didn’t like her. I didn’t like her as a person, and I was sick of her. You shoot yourself in the foot by putting a woman on a pedestal right off the bat. You’re setting the tone for a relationship that’s ultimately going to leave you unhappy.
So you have to set the correct tone immediately. You have to be honest in your actions. Only do something that you can sustain for the long term. Don’t act like somebody that you’re not going to want to be.
What do you want out of your relationships with people?
A lot of people get into interactions where they feel like they’re not in control. They feel like the other person is the authority. This is especially true in social situations when you’re talking to somebody and you perceive them to have higher status than you.
This could be a guy who has more money than you, is better dressed than you or is more attractive than you are. This could be a woman that’s really attractive on a level that you are not used to. So you put them on a pedestal. You assign them higher status. Remember it’s all in your head.
Instead of doing that, you should think about values. What do you really value?
I don’t value the cool game, where people are acting cooler than each other. I don’t value bragging. I don’t value showing off. I don’t value putting others down. I don’t value materialism. I don’t value superficial shows of beauty or status. I think all that is really silly. It’s basically a bunch of monkeys pretending not to be monkeys. When I see people doing this, I’m no longer intimidated – I’m just bored or flat-out not interested.
What I am interested in is genuine connections. People being honest with each other. People making each other feel better, being helpful to each other, having fun, being silly and enjoying life together.
If I’m talking to a girl and she’s trying to act cool, or she’s giving me a compliment one second and trying to tease me and lower my value the next second, I simply don’t pay attention to any of that. That behavior in her dies because I don’t pay attention to it – it doesn’t get reinforced.
When you assign someone value, it makes you feel less than them. It puts you down and puts them above you and it sets the tone for a relationship which is either not going to happen, or it’s going to be dysfunctional.
If you think more about values and whether this person is doing things and enacting values that you share, then you’ll approve of those things. When they’re enacting values that you don’t like, or that you’re not interested in, you won’t pay attention to them.
This completely alleviates all social anxiety.
Unless you value being witty, putting people down, or looking cooler to people, you will no longer be intimidated by people. If you value the ego game, then you’re bound to lose at times – and that’s going to create some anxiety.
But if you know what you value and you stick to that, you can’t lose. You can only connect or dismiss.
This is a very powerful frame of mind, and it turns the tables on all of your interactions. When you convey that you are not intimidated by the person, that you don’t see them on a pedestal, they will automatically assign you authority.Continue reading >>
I’m going to get pretty deep into some things you might not have considered about SCubed and Compliance Reversal or Reverse Supplication Game (as some people know it).
I’m going to talk about self-control and how it relates to each aspect of SCubed; Vision, Compliance, Shaping, and Sexual Tension. Keep in mind the order in which I discuss each because I believe that order is crucial to being the guy who naturally flips the script as a by-product of his life.
I’m not a fan of thinking about things or putting a lot of effort into women. If it’s not simple, that means you’re doing something wrong.
A big problem guys have is that they often put things out of order. They run before they can walk.
You can get lost using too many techniques to get women to do things. You can get lost in those perspectives of using techniques and forget that this is really about your happiness and about having good relationships with women that you like.
I know there’s the initial learning period where you just want to get your skills going, but at some point you need to step back and see what the point of all this is, where this is all going.
There isn’t any specific techniques to teach you to actually “do sexual tension” other than to just start expressing it. Express your sexuality, and be interested in other women’s sexuality.
Authority is something that happens outside of yourself. It’s the effect of dominance – but it starts within. There have been a ton of really interesting studies on this, and I’m shocked that it’s not more in the mainstream. The technical academic term for it is internal locus of control. I call it “self-control” because internal locus makes you sound like you’re full of crickets.
What is self-control? It’s people who believe that they have control over their lives – and that the things that happened to them are their own making – for the most part. They are much happier people. They are more successful, and on a day-to-day and moment-by-moment basis, they are less emotional and don’t get upset as easily.
When I think about friends that I’ve known for a long time and the way they think, the way they express themselves, there’s a clear distinction between the guys who are good with women (and good with people in general) and other guys who were not nearly as successful or good with women.
The ones who are self-controlled are the most successful and the happiest. These are guys who value their own opinion over yours. They get their guidance from within. They don’t really care too much about what other people think. You have to be a really important person for them to value your opinion. They’re not easily upset. When they see someone else being negative, they perceive that person as being in their own bubble that has nothing to do with them.
These people constantly have goals. They constantly having some kind of new thing that they’re working on.
Essentially, these people are happier.
At this point, I think the most important thing in terms of being an attractive guy is being happy and self-controlled, and self-control comes first.
That’s all you need for a woman to be motivated to get to know you.
I know, there’s a lot of stuff going on that’s beyond your control, and there’s some stuff that you can fix in terms of technique and optimizing (knowing how to open well and things like that). But beyond just being a happy, calm, successful person, there’s not much else you need to do to be the kind of guy that a woman looks at and thinks: Wow, he’s attractive, I want to get to know him, to spend time with him, to sleep with him.
Self-control is extremely important, and a good way to cultivate it within yourself is by doing what I call mind scripts. where you ask yourself who you are, what you’re doing, and what you want.
I have a mental habit now where, if I’m getting flustered or I’m letting my thoughts stray into worrying about the future or regrets about the past, I’ll bring myself back to the present by saying “What am I doing? What am I doing right now?”
In order to answer that question, you need to (ahead of time) reflect on:
You also need to think of where you’re going:
A value is a concept that’s self-evidently important. A value is something that you can’t ask “why” about.
If I say it’s important to be honest and you ask me “why?” I would draw a blank. I don’t know how to answer that. Being honest is the right thing to do. So many good things come from it, and there’s nothing deeper — there’s nothing behind honesty. Honesty in itself is good. It’s the same with love, compassion, leadership, or freedom, or anything similar. When you’re talking about a value, you’re talking about a guidepost for your life.
Your values should be aligned with your ideal self (your image, your goals, where you’re going) the kind of person you want to be, the kind of life you want to live.
A woman should never compromise your values, and you should only spend time with and be with women that further that vision and those goals that you have.
A lot of guys end up dating a woman because they don’t think they can do any better – or because their sexually desperate. If you ask that guy what his values are, none of them will be “compromise.” None of them will be “getting laid.” The guy probably has values like Integrity, Taking Risks, Learning, things like that. None of his values are things like “Compromise” or “Bust A Nut.” And yet that’s how he’s living. He’s compromising his values so that he can keep this woman around.
This guy is operating out of Fear. If you ask him what his values are, I guarantee he wouldn’t say “Fear.”
Every person that comes into your life has an effect on your life; you really want to be cutting dead weight – you want to be cutting people off who don’t further your goals, or who don’t further your values. To do this, you have to know your vision.
A big part of Vision is being ready to say “no,” being ready to say that she’s not for you.
In terms of technique for vision,I have an exercise where you list out your goal and ways for a woman to contribute to that goal. I give you verbal tools to get the woman to do those things.
Let’s say one of your goals is that you want to start a magazine on photography. One way a woman can help you do that is to contact publishers that might be interested in funding your magazine’s pilot issue.
The way you would phrase this using a formula is:
Sticking to that formula you might talk about how you’re trying to get this photography magazine off the ground, but you’re having a hard time with a million different things. You’re better at coming up with content rather that doing all the business side, but she’s such a people person – she’s so good at making connections with people.
So you were wondering if maybe she could contact some publishers and see if there would be anybody interested in helping you get out a pilot issue. Tell her that if she did this and you had the magazine, she could help everyday with planning it out, designing the pictures – that’s something really creative that you can do together. You think it will bring you two closer together.
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