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Train Your Future Self

For now, it’s not about whether or not you want to approach these women. If you do it now, you’ll benefit in the long-term. So in those moments when you do feel like it, you are really turned on by a girl and wanna make something happen, you’re able to, because you put in the hours beforehand.

In your regular life, you shouldn’t just be going out doing approaches for their own sake. But this is a unique situation. This is a starting point. You’re actually in the process of training right now. So you need to do that.

It’s a different mindset. Think about getting a personal trainer for your fitness. You’re not always going to have a personal trainer and you’re not always going to go in the gym and do all this crazy stuff to get you in great shape. You might just do maintenance or whatever after a while. But that time when you’re with the trainer, you’re doing all that weird shit and you don’t get to say “Well I’m not going to do this exercise.”

That is how you need to treat this initially.

I was helping two guys in Miami, one guy was really good looking and in great shape. The other guy was a little pudgy and not so good looking. He was an Asian guy in the military – kind of a very low key, boring, quiet personality.

And then the other guy was really confident, really interesting. He was Spanish so he had that kind of Rico Suave look to him. He surfed so he had that surfer body and look.

We went to the mall to do some day game and girls were checking this guy out. Now his ego was so important to him that he refused to make mistakes and do anything. So we spent the day at the mall in Miami. You can imagine – nothing but hot South American girls.

This guy refused to do approaches – just completely refused. I tried to actually push him into a store where a girl that eye-fucked him was shopping as he walked past and he jumped backwards against my hand.

On the flipside, the other guy, he was a madman and he had that military background. If the boss or the coach tells you to do something, that’s just what you do because you’re training now. And he tore it up. He approached at least 6 different women without hesitation.

He approached a really hot girl who was with her family. Her dad was right there and he just didn’t care. He just went and did it. He was respectful, he wasn’t rude or anything. He was very warm but that just shows you, you can’t succeed if you don’t try.

I never heard from the good looking Spanish guy again. I think he was embarrassed about what he did – or didn’t do – at the mall.

But the other guy, he emailed me like a month later. He had a really hot girlfriend. He sent me picture of him and her at some outdoor bar and she was a super hot Asian girl. To me he looked like Frankenstein. He was a big, chubby, square-headed guy and here he is with this hot girl.

That’s the long-term resolve that you can’t feel or see right now but you gotta trust it, it’s there. That’s how you do it.

I just know from experience, it doesn’t matter what your reasons are.

What stops you from getting long-term success is treating it like you need to succeed right now. like today is when you win or lose.

And that prevents you from putting in the time and effort long-term. Because if you see what you’re doing today as your practice round, then you won’t feel as if you’ve failed. You’ll feel as if you’ve succeeded just by trying, which will push you further and further down the path.

She Needs To Help You

She is wired to play a supportive role in relationships because that is her best-bet at survival. That is the best survival strategy, keeping a man.

What will keep her in your life? Why will you keep seeing her? Why will you develop not just a sexual relationship, but a friendship with this woman because you actually like her as a person? Are her personality contributions beneficial to your life?

She is wired to use a supportive role strategy.

Just like you are wired to experience a variety of women, (plant your seed in a variety of different phenotypes and all that kind of scientific talk) if you’re not doing that, you feel like you’re not doing what you’re supposed to do. You get depressed, you feel like you’re failing at life at a very deep and confusing level.

It’s the same for a woman. If she feels like guys only like her for her body and she’s not able to contribute as a person, as a valuable person on a team, she will feel the same way you feel when you’re not getting laid. She will feel like shit. She’ll feel depressed, frustrated, confused. She won’t be self-actualized at any level.

I was dating a girl a few years back. This is when I was really starting to work everything out in relation to women. It was after I had met Vin and gotten very good at starting things with women. I was dating this girl and she was crazy about me. She would do these really sweet things for me like making DVDs taken from little videos she’d taken from her phone, adding music and give it to me with a little note attached. Things like that.

One time I was going camping in the mountains just outside of Aspen, Colorado. It was my first time ever doing anything like this. And so, I told her about it and she was really excited for me. Here’s what she did; she made a care package for me. It had pictures of poisonous plants with little information on the back that she wrote in her curly little girl writing, describing the kind of plant being poison ivy or whatever. “Don’t touch it, grows here and there” etc. She put other things in like a Swiss Army knife, mosquito spray, anti-itch lotion, and some disinfectant. A whole little pack for me. She put it all in a bag and gave it to me.

When she did this, I was really touched but I also felt kind of guilty, and I said: “You know, you do all these things for me and I feel I don’t deserve it.”

She got mad at me. She said: :”It’s not about you. It’s about me. I need to do this. This is who I am. If you don’t let me do this, I won’t feel like a woman – I’ll feel bad.”

So from my perspective, yes he she was doing all this stuff for me. But from her perspective she was doing it for herself because it made her feel like she was contributing something valuable.

If you’ve ever been a part of a sports team you will know this feeling.

It’s no fun to be benched.

Sure it’s easy to sit on a bench and watch everyone else play. It’s hard to get on the field. You get nervous, get dirty, you might get injured, you get tired, out of breath, and so on.

But you want to be on the field and you want to play.

If you don’t get to play and contribute, if you don’t get to express yourself on that field, you feel bad.

Even though it’s easier to sit on the bench, you’d rather play. And that’s what this girl was telling me. “Yeah, I could just sit around and look pretty and not do shit for you. That would be easy. But that’s not me. I need to do this. I am wired and made to contribute to you, to your life. If you don’t let me, I will feel bad.

And that’s something that guys must wrap their minds around.

A lot of guys will be held back because they feel they don’t deserve it. It’s not about whether or not he deserves it. She needs to do it. If you don’t let her do it, she’s going to find a guy who will.

She doesn’t want to bring you into her life.

She wants to be brought in to yours.

How To Be Funny By Relating

Pace can make you the funny guy in the room. And people will laugh for different reasons.

People laugh when you tease them. When a girl says something silly and you call her on it, she’ll laugh at herself.

That let’s her know that you’re the kind of guy who can make her laugh.

The two things that women always say they want in a man are confidence and a sense of humor.

If she’s laughing with you, obviously she’s enjoying your sense of humor.

Pace also makes it very easy for you express yourself and share you mental experiences, or “ME.”

The acronym I use is “ME.” You’ll notice that the best comedians are very good at describing their unique, goofy mental experiences. They just tell you what they’re thinking. Guys like Jim Gaffigan, Jim Norton, Bill Burr and Louis C.K.

Louis C.K. is especially great at this. He is probably one of the best at ME and he basically just explains a weird situation he was in and what he thought of it.

He’s very honest about it. He talks about wanting to punch his kids and stuff like that. Thoughts that everyone’s had but are afraid to voice. He’ll get up there and lay it all out.

Why is everyone laughing? Because they can all relate to it. So the more you share your mental experience, the more you’ll find people laughing.

You see a lot of stuff out there aimed at men giving guys funny lines or jokes to tell women to make them laugh. It’s totally unnecessary and it comes off weird and phony.

Pace naturally makes you a funny guy. Women will laugh, and have more fun with you.

You’ll also learn to notice when your conversation with a woman is shifting, and learn to calibrate accordingly. I will be joking around with a girl, say something funny, get her cracking up and then the conversation will get very deep and philosophical. Then it will get very sexual, and then it’ll get funny again.

I have that flexibility. Every woman is different so you need that flexibility, and that creativity to connect with her. Pace gives that to you.

Pace means to keep up with someone. It’s being able to adapt and calibrate to their personality and speed. Their unique flavor of humanity.

What You Fear, You Face

I’m of the opinion that human life is all about fear. That’s why we’re here. Everything you do, everything you experience comes from a fear you have.

Human life is defined by fear, and the challenge is to figure out how not to be controlled by it. So whatever it is you’re fearing, whatever idea you have deep down about not being good enough, you’re going to see that emerging just like the symptoms of a disease.

Whatever fear you have, that’s going to be flaring up in your life and it’s going to look like an external thing – such as other people doing things to you and life not going your way. But it’s really coming from a fundamental fear you have. And I don’t think that humans are accidents, I think there’s a very specific deliberate reason why we take on this form and this much bigger plan that we’re part of.

I think the reason why humans are here – why you took on a human form – is to learn how to deal with fear, and learn not to let it control you.

I know that’s a little spacey, but regardless of whether you believe that or not, you will see what I’m talking about all the time. Whatever deep fears you have are going to be flaring up and it’s basically your life mission to figure out how to deal with that.

We are all kind of already dealing with that. We’re lying to ourselves to prevent cognitive dissonance.

But that’s letting fear corral you and determine what you do. The healthy way to deal with it is to not let it control you. To be honest and face it. The goal is to understand exactly where it’s coming from and still do the thing you’re scared of.

For some people it’s sky diving. Like for me, I’m not really afraid to do that, I just don’t think it’s a good idea. For other people it happens to be women. Whatever it is you fear, when you do face it, it’s exhilarating.

Messaging

Women communicate in messages.

They communicate nonverbally much more than men dol. So, when you say something to a woman, she is listening to what you’re saying but she’s really paying attention to why you’re saying what you’re saying.

The why is the message.

This is really easy to understand if you go to a department store where there are salespeople working for commissions.

An amateur salesman is going to say something along the lines of, “Yeah man, you should really buy this TV. It’s great. I mean look at all these features and I mean you can go somewhere else but this is the best deal going.”

He’s talking a mile a minute and trying really hard to convince you how good the TV is.

Put yourself in the shoes of the customer dealing with this salesman and ask: why is he communicating like this? Why is he speaking so fast? Why is he trying to think of so many reasons for me to buy this TV? Why is he even talking about other department stores and what deals they might have?

The answer to all these questions is the same. This guy doesn’t really believe in what he’s selling and he’s trying to get your money.

So the message he’s sending you is: This is a shitty TV, I want your money and I’d say anything to get it.

It’s hard to sell a product that sucks, but let’s take a halfway good salesman who believes in the product. He has a TV in mind that he really likes, that he believes is a good TV. You talk to him and he’s saying, “Yeah, for you needs, I would go between either this TV or this TV. They’re both good, but this TV is a little better because the resolution is higher. I’ll give you some time to think about it. Let me know what you decide.”

Now this salesman is actually sending a message that he believes in his product. His attitude says if you decide not to buy this TV it’s your loss because this is a product that you need and he’s not going to pressure you because the product sells itself. It’s inherently valuable.

So the message he’s sending you is you should get this TV because it’s a good TV.

Simple.

Now I want you to think about that in terms of a romantic situation. Maybe, sexually, what message are you sending?

If you approach a woman and you’re trying really hard to impress her, this sends a message that you are shitty in bed, you’re lifestyle sucks, you’re not successful, you’re not accustomed to people liking you, and she will not benefit from getting to know you.

That is the Message you’re sending when you put her on the pedestal and your behavior stems from that pedestal mentality.

Now, let’s talk about the right message. It’s based on her innate sense of survival that has evolved to be this way over thousands of millennia.

She is smaller and physically weaker and she is the one who gets pregnant, which makes her even more vulnerable if she’s pregnant. She’s also prone to health risks because of the nature of her sexual biology. If a man gets violated like in prison or something crazy like that he’s not going to have a baby. A woman has a good chance of having a baby inside of her.

Because of this, she needs to feel safe. She needs to be physically and emotionally safe. She needs social alliances and status. She needs to be able to form new friendships, new bonds with relatively powerful people. She also needs resources. She is not going to be as good of a hunter.

She needs access to brute strength that will manipulate the environment to keep her safe, to keep her and her baby fed and nourished. These are deep drives that aren’t necessarily consciously thought of every day, but they are indeed felt and acted upon every waking moment.

She wants sexual pleasure. Humans are one of only a few animals that engage in recreational sex.

Because these are her needs and not just mere wants, she can satisfy all of them by being with a man who is dominant, a man who cares about her and will bond with her for the long term. A man who can give her sexual pleasure, a man who can keep her safe, a man who is successful and will help her be successful.

Because these are her needs, she has been hard-wired to contribute.

She Wants Your Best Self

Every guy has his own unique personality and style. Women are wired to respond more to a full and unique experience with a man, rather than a calculated one.

The one thing that women tell me all the time is that I’m not like any guy they’ve met before.

I started to wonder what it was that set me apart, so that I could do it again. What made me different? I always felt like that was an ambiguous statement: “You’re not like any other guy.”

I wondered, what specifically did they like that made them want to sleep with me or see me again? Then I started realizing that she wanted to sleep with me because I wasn’t like any other kind of guy.

And she was right, I’m not like any other kind of guy. I am an individual, I am a unique person. I don’t have to try to be different, because I already am.

You try to do things “the right way” or try to do what you’ve seen other guys do. What you think you’re supposed to do. You want to be confident, you want to look confident. Which is the typical advice we’re given as men.

So I’ll see a movie starring a confident male protagonist, like James Bond, and I’ll think, that’s how I’m supposed to look. The problem is, that’s what every other guy is trying to do.

Don’t try to do it right, don’t try to be good, don’t try to be clever. Just go with your first impulse.

When you try to be good or clever and say the right things you end up doing what everyone else does.

We all have the same bullshit ideas of what we’re suppose to do. So it’s important to be yourself and give a woman your unique individuality and a unique masculine experience.

You’re unique masculine flavor. That’s what thrust is.

Pace is a structure that preempts deception from entering your cognition and allows your natural self to flourish.

IPACE forces your best self to emerge, out of deception (hide) regadless of context in social sitautions. forces your best natural self to emerge (your true self is your best self – the man you want to be is who you really are.

Approaching (Part II)

The key to successfully approaching a woman is sending a message of love, showing appreciation and gratitude for, if nothing else, her femininity. Basically just thanking a girl for brightening up your day. A woman’s beauty is a good enough reason to talk to her. In fact it’s the BEST reason, a perfect reason. It’s why we are here – to come together and connect. I believe the most important connection is the sexual one, because it creates new life. It’s a microcosm of the cosmic dance of Yin and Yang.

If this makes you uncomfortable, try telling a few women, “Wow, you’re so beautiful!” And then walk off. This will habituate giving love without worrying about the outcome. There are so many women out there, don’t worry if you never see them again. What you might find is the more love you show to the feminine, the more She appears in your life, in her infinite and beautiful forms.

Next time She appears, approach her with courage.

Your inner dialogue is going to say well she’s out of our league. But it doesn’t matter, I’m going to be courageous right now.

This will also help you recognize and be honest with yourself about that nasty physical fear that you have. It’s a physical feeling and you need to acknowledge that.

Face it and say to yourself “i’m not going to let it stop me. I’m going to act.”

You’re taking control of your fear.

Then take another day and approach women with a specific intention of learning how to deal with that specific type of woman.

That was a big challenge for me being in New York. A lot of the hottest women were Hispanic women and you could tell that they were a little ghetto. I still wanted ‘em. So I had to learn how to deal with that.

What you’ll find is that it’s really just about being yourself and being relaxed. Because what women are screening for is leadership and that really comes down to self-leadership. The way that looks is you’re just relaxed and comfortable with yourself.

Even if she doesn’t understand something you say, it’s okay.

Approaching with Warmth

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Think about the girls that you really, really want. The kind of girls that you would really love to sleep with. You want to approach them without allowing yourself to get a phone number. Approach them with the idea that you’re going to just walk away after you say your thing.

Give them as much warmth as you possibly can and then move on. The interesting thing about that is – I don’t know if this is all in my head or what but – when I have that kind of scarcity mentality and I see that one hot girl and I don’t approach her because I’m scared or whatever, I don’t see another hot girl for a long time.

It’s almost like the universe says Well that was your chance. You’re not ready for this yet.

I don’t know if this is just me playing mind games or what but I noticed that when I’m just giving love out, I get bombarded with opportunities.

You’d think, well that was a girl that I met on the street whose number I could have gotten, but I didn’t, so I can never get with her now. That’s actually not how it works, especially in New York City.

The cool thing is if you were ever to happen to see them again, it’s not a cold approach anymore. If all you were doing is offering love, they will be very responsive to you the next time. I do this in bars a lot. I call it the double-tap.

I’ll give a girl a super warm compliment knowing that I’m going to fall back or walk away right after. And I’ll do that and then I’ll see her later and then it’s on because I showed that I’m not trying to get anything from her. I don’t have an ulterior motive, I’m not going to pressure her.

Into The Thick Of It

Imagine going on a trek through an expansive, wild forest with a bunch of trails in it. the sort that even Army Rangers have to train for. You’ve never been there before or maybe it’s your first time hiking. You’re going to need a guide, right?

The nature center provides you a guide.

You’re on the edge of the forest. All winding trails, thick with trees, plenty of unknown hazards. There might be bears and mountain lions and all kinds of crazy shit in there – and you’ve been assigned a guide.

Now, as you go into the woods, the guide asks “So what do you think we should do?”. If he asked you this, you would be scared shitless, and would not want to go into the forest with this guy.

You’d be angry at the guide for being such a clueless idiot. Because he’s presenting himself as a guide, that’s the leadership role he has and yet he is not doing what he was supposed to do.

He’s asking you to lead when that’s his job!

The second analogy, I want you to think about women and why you are attracted to a woman right off the bat…

It probably registers so quick you need to stop and look backwards to analyze what causes that initial gut-level attraction for her

What makes a man attractive to a woman is his personality.

What makes a woman attractive to a man – at least initially – is her body.

So if a woman is not that physically attractive, that’s how it is with a guy having a shitty personality. He is the weak forest guide.

Think about it. This woman who is not attractive physically, she comes up to you and she says “Hey, please have sex with me. I know you’re better than me, and I’ll do anything to impress you so that you’ll have sex with me.”

Are you going to want to have sex with that girl just because she begged you?

I want you to think about a company with no boss. I want you to think about a team without a captain or a coach. Think about how a man and a woman are like a team and how they can help each other be better in life. What the team needs is a leader.

Life is like a forest that requires a guide. You and this woman are stepping into a forest, this crazy world, and YOU need to be her guide.

A woman doesn’t want to fuck a guy out of charity. She wants to fuck a guy because she is attracted to him.

Get Women By Being Yourself

Overview: Behavior becomes attractive without technique or conscious effort. Naturally makes your behavior attractive – women are turned on as a byproduct – just like her tits turn men on as a byproduct of them just being there ***6 Guys I grew up with. Now it’s me, “what’s he got? “ now my friends say “ I don’t know how you do it.” I was never funny – serious, awkward, “boring” and sense of humor was weird. Now I’m funny because I’m relatable. I used to be the last dog, now I get looks when I’m with my friends. Models and “normal” situations (volunteering etc) where women come to me.

Your behavior becomes more attractive through the use of Pace. Women will be naturally turned on by your presence.

When you talk to women you’ll notice that they’re looking at you more, they’re smiling more, they’re touching you, they’re making themselves more available.

You might even see them adjusting their bras to draw attention to their breasts. You’ll notice women doing these things because they’re turned on by you.

If your goal is to just sleep with the woman and have more of a physical relationship, she needs to know that the sex will be good. So you need to communicate that you’re good in bed.

Pace naturally triggers the emotional sequence in a woman. The arousal sequence in a woman is respect, safety and anticipation. You will naturally be triggering that just by talking to her, being in her presence, and being authentic.

Pace naturally makes your behavior attractive. Just like her tits turn you on simply for being there, your behavior will turn her on purely for what it is.

She doesn’t have to do anything. Just the fact that she has a nice body and a pretty face makes you horny. It’s the same for women, except it’s not about your body, it’s about your mind.

Your mind is where your personality comes from. So just through interacting with her and having a conversation she will become more attracted to you.

Women will be much more receptive to you based on the way that you interact. Your goal might not be to court her and go on 5 sexless dates. If it isn’t, you want to avoid pretending that you want to be this girl’s boyfriend. That is deception. It’s not what you really want and she can feel that.

As soon as you start trying to be the boyfriend and play the courting game, women will hold you to a different standard.

If you’re applying for that position in her life there is a standard that has to be met, so she’s going to start screening for the traits she looks for in a boyfriend. You don’t want to be held to that standard.

It’s not a lower or higher standard. It’s just a different job requirement, and you don’t want that job. You want to be the guy that she texts at 1:30 before she leaves the bar. The guy whose dick she comes over to ride all night.

If that’s the job you want, you want her to come over, cook, hangout on the couch. You want her to come over a few times a week to give you a blow job and leave, or hangout if you want her to hang out.

That’s the kind of relationship that you want from this girl. If the terms you want are purely sexual, she has to be excited about sex with you.

Pace does that. Pace shows her, for one, that you are not being deceptive. Which immediately makes you look more powerful, and sets you apart from all of the guys who are using deception to get what they want.

Your personality will be more exciting to her. She’ll be turned on by how you carry yourself, and by how you talk.

Pace also makes a man good in bed. Each focality of Pace translates in the bedroom. There’s that passionate, pounding, animalistic element to it, but for women sex isn’t all about in and out. Women like foreplay, learning about each others bodies. She wants to be comfortable with you.

Pace is also about how to make all of that happen at just the right time.

Women pick up on these subtleties. Look at a woman with pure curiosity. Learn about her. Learn how she thinks. Learn about what’s important to her. Get a sense of her personality, her energy. Feel her femininity. When she sees that, subconsciously she’ll sense that you’re probably very good at foreplay.

You’ll get very good at kissing her body. Touching her and learning how to please her. Learning Pace verbally will allow you to execute it physically.

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