It’s Working!

I had an insight upon waking up today. Yuge.

It’s nothing crazy like “14′ tall white reptilians run the planet”…

It was more of an ARTICULATION of something that’s been marinating in my mind…a concept I’ve been cooking up.

(Which reminds me – 12 years ago, I took control of coaching for Vin Dicarlo’s company, and I called my manual of training drills, “The Cookbook.” All the other coaches were super intrigued and wanted to know what the hell I had in there)

Ok, tangent (I do that sometimes/a lot). Back to the point…

My insight this morning came when my stomach started growling.

Now, I usually wait until AFTER my evening workout (lifting or running) to eat.

During the day, I drink ‘butter coffee’ which is basically Bustello coffee (I like the cheap strong stuff, but you can use whatever kind you lie)…

mixed with a tablespoon of grass-fed, unsalted butter (Kerrey Gold)

And I shake it all up in a mixer bottle (with the metal spiral thing inside).

That’s my fuel until about 6-7pm.

Sounds crazy but it keeps me sharp. If I eat solid food, I get sleepy afterwards.

But here’s the point:

I am trying to lose some fat off my gut. Butter coffee trains your body to burn fat instead of carbs, if that’s the only fuel you feed it for a couple weeks.

And I get HUNGRY in the morning. But then it goes away when I remind myself of something…

When I feel hungry, or I notice my stomach growling, I think…

“It’s working” – meaning my diet (or eating schedule – whatever you want to call it).

So the discomfort doesn’t mean:

“I want to feel better. Time for a sandwich!”

Instead, the hunger means: “Ah yes, my plan is working. Bwahahahaaaa!” (evil genius laugh)

Marinate on that for a sec…

If you embark on a path, and get uncomfortable, that means:

WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING IS WORKING. DO NOT QUIT.

I suspect people fail to reach their goals because they mistake discomfort as a sign to quit, and relieve their pain.

But what if the discomfort actually meant that you were doing it right and that you are on the right path?

If you lift weights, played a sport at a competitive level, or learned a complex skill, you understand the concept of

“No Pain, No Gain.”

If you’re a single guy, apply this to meeting women.

***You only get nervous when approaching the hottest women – the ones you REALLY want.

***You only get nervous when you make a bolder move than you have in the past.

***You only get nervous when you step into the role of Leader, if you have not done it before.

That’s OK. Your discomfort means you’re breaking through your OLD LIMITS. Another phrase for “old limits” is “comfort zone.”

I’m sure you’ve heard that the Comfort Zone is not the place to be, if you want to change your life.

Which means, if you embark on a path, and you begin to feel discomfort, that means…

You’re on the right track, and you should keep going!

Skip the sandwich, stay focused.

I’m breaking through some boundaries right now, and I hope you are too.

And hey, if you want some help and guidance with that, hit me up:

Brian @ the domain above

Also, if you have not joined our private Facebook group, ummmm….

WHY THE HELL NOT????

You’re missing out. It’s a super easy way to reach me and my alumni, and get personal feedback on your specific problems, FAST.

It’s a private group, and if you don’t want you friends and family to know you are a member, you can choose to hide it from you “friend list.”

But you don’t even need to, because the group is called:

“ACT Leaders”

So it doesn’t look like anything related to getting girls – it just looks like a positive leadership group (which it is).

And since it’s private, no one can go in there and see what we are talking about.

Go here and ask to JOIN:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1582123012016282/

Talk to you tomorrow,

-B

The Myth of Confidence – How To Build Powerful Beliefs

There’s a massive amount of BS regarding how to truly build s

elf-confidence. The biggest lie is that you need confidence to succeed with women (or anything). What you need is the right FOCALITIES,, so that you can start winning NOW.

Share your thoughts, and be sure to hit like and subscribe to stay updated on new videos (I post about 1-2 per week).

For one-on-one personal help with building confidence and achieving rapid success without waiting for some “magical day,” give a thought to personal coaching:

Live Coaching

And for an in-depth, fully-comprehensive home-study course that will take your game (and your life) to the highest level, check out Sexual Supremacy (soon to be called Dating Dominance):

Sexual Supremacy

Attractive Body Language

Presence

A good portion of my clients are shorter than average. It’s no secret that women prefer taller men, but this does not have to stop you. I’ve taught many guys to pick up women taller than them!

It all comes down to having a strong physical presence by adjusting your posture and body movement. There is a lot of advice out there about how to have confident body language, but most of it is vague, or simply wrong. Here’s what really works (and as always, this is field-tested by myself, and clients I’ve taught).

Most guys move through the world accommodating everyone else. They don’t own their space, and move faster than is truly comfortable for them. Another major problem I see when guys approach women is their lack of effective eye contact.

It’s rare to see a woman standing still, waiting for a man to approach her. At a bar or club, women stand in groups, flanked by friends, or blocked by the bar. During the day, women are either walking or sitting, making it difficult to walk right up to them.

The problem with this is that the ideal way to approach a woman is by having her see you and lock eyes with you before you speak. In this article, I’ll teach you how to get a woman’s total attention – you become her entire world – without saying a word.

There are four easy ways to make your presence felt, and get her to think, “Who is this guy???”

1. Lead with your lower body. This is something you see with very sexual guys do, as well as professional fighters (e.g. UFC/MMA guys). Use your pelvis as your guiding point. Most men lead with their chest, arms, shoulders, or head. Stand up straight, push your pelvis forward, spread your legs to shoulder length, and lead with your dick!
2. Stay unprotected by exposing your front. Imagine opening the entire front of your body, exposing your whole body to her. Keep your arms relaxed at your sides. If she wanted to punch you in the gut, or kick you in the balls, you’d be totally vulnerable. This shows incredible confidence.
3. Smile with your eyes. This may sound strange, but most guys either smile with their mouths, or simply look apprehensive. Try sending a warm, loving message from your eyes into hers, the same way your eyes would light up if you saw a cute puppy.
4. Move slow. As you approach her, take your time. You are in your own world, and you’re about to bring her in. This shows that you move on YOUR schedule, and you have no fear of rejection. Ironically, fear of rejection makes it more likely, whereas being comfortable with rejection makes it less likely. Do this by walking up to her as if you know she wants you to.

No matter your size or body type, you can turn a woman on without saying a word. Of course, at some point you’ll have to talk, but when you have a great physical presence, whatever you say will sound confident and cool.

How to make a move without risking rejection

It was tough deciding whether to make this tip #1 or #2…

The reason why I picked this to be #2 is because it’s a technique with three steps, instead of just one (but it’s still super simple).

Once you make the big shift from trying to BE confident, to GIVING confidence to others…

The next step is to make your move in a way that she will NEVER reject.

I’ll show you how…

Not only will she not reject it, she will be excited that you made a move…

And will probably want to jump your bones as soon as you do!

Step 1:

As I mentioned in the last message, you’ll need to focus on asking questions that reveal her unique personality.

You’ll need to focus on asking questions that reveal her unique personality.

Here are some of my favorites:

“What are you most excited about in your life right now?”
“How would your best friend describe you?”
“What’s the hardest you’ve ever laughed?”
“What do you see yourself doing in 5 years?”
“What’s your favorite childhood memory?”

*Note: If she gives a short answer, simply follow up with, “Why” or “How come?”

Step 2:

You will APPRECIATE her response VERBALLY.

Examples:

“You seem very ___. I like that. I’m the same way. I (now relate to what she said).”
“Wow. I’m impressed. You’re definitely more than a pretty face.”
“That’s so funny/cool/interesting. I like talking to you. I feel comfortable.”

Step 3:

AS YOU SAY THIS, gently touch her with the palm-side of your hand on her forearm, or lightly cup her elbow, just for a second. You can also touch her on her back.

This sets the tone for getting physical, and immediately prevents you from EVER going into the friend zone…while making her see you as a potential romantic partner.

Now I have a FOOL-PROOF sequence you will use to touch her to lead up to your first kiss. But not just a boring, goodnight kiss. I mean a passionate, movie-moment kiss where she will want you to carry her to the bedroom and ravish her.

But before I give you that sequence I need to give you one more tip about eye contact. See, you can use eye contact to spark a woman’s curiosity about you and get her to really focus on you, no matter who else is around.

Combined with the other tips, this makes you UNSTOPPABLE with just about any woman you meet. It’s a super-simple trick that I will teach you in the next article (I’ll shoot you another email alert so you know where to find it once it’s up).

Also, as we move forward, I want you to notice how simple everything I teach you is. All my material is based on fundamentals.

I believe if you are confused about what to do with women you’ve probably been given some BAD information. In fact most dating advice for guys is either

-Too vague to be useful
-Over-complicated
-Completely unnecessary
-Or just flat out WRONG

I have a few more tips for you, to get you more action with women than you’ve ever had before…and probably more than you ever thought was possible for a single guy!

So stay tuned –

in the next email we’ll cover my eye contact trick you will use to lock a woman’s attention on you.

Thinking About Sex (Getting her to think about having sex with you)

It’s important to get really clear about who you are and what you want out of sex. You need to express that, but couple it with the ability to let go.

You do this in conversation in your initial interactions by stating what you’re about and being clear on the kind of man you are.

If a woman talked to you for five minutes, do you think you’d be able to imagine what she’d be like in bed?

That’s a really powerful thing to think about because a lot of times women just can’t picture being in bed with you.

I’ve met so many women who are attractive and fun and nice people – yet for some reason I just can’t picture myself fucking them. I won’t do it. There won’t be any drive to want to do that.

Most guys are already picturing sex with the woman. For women, it’s not quite the same.

Women are extremely horny; just as horny if not more than guys, but they’re not going to be thinking about sex with you until they feel comfortable and familiar with you. And then they’ll think about sex with you constantly. But you have to get there first.

With most guys, in the way they express themselves, you just can’t imagine him fucking the girl.

The girl can’t imagine being fucked by this guy because:

He’s timid in his expression.
He talks too quietly.
He’s not touching, which means he’s probably physically unsure of himself.
All of his conversation is very logical and safe and so the woman can’t picture sleeping with him.

What you want is a woman picturing sex with you without feeling pressure to do so.

The way to do this is to talk about your sexuality, to be interested in her sexuality, and then to respond to that in an appreciative, curious way.

Talk about your preferences. Maybe you like to be really dominant, but you’re also very affectionate, very warm. You like to be in control, but you’re not aggressive or rough. You’re very sensual, very caring, but you love feeling that you’re in total control of a woman’s body and holding her as if she belonged to you.

I’ll say this to her and tell her this is just how I think about sex. With the tone of voice that it doesn’t mean we have to do it now, but rather, we’re just two adults having a conversation. As a result of this, she will start picturing these things in her head.

Perhaps she’ll respond that it sounds really nice. Sometimes she likes being aggressive herself. She likes it when a guy is aggressive with her. There are times for that.

When I talk to her about this my voice is loud.I’m looking into her eyes. I want her to listen. I want her to understand what I’m saying. I want her to picture it.

With regards to your body language and proximity to her, you want to stand close enough so that you can feel the warmth of her body, but no closer.

You can get closer later on, but right off the bat, you want to feel her body heat and you want her to feel yours. That’s when you get into the zone – that little sI:PA*CE where you’re close enough to feel the heat of her body, which means she can feel yours. This creates an incredible charge between the two of you. It literally adds that spark and that heat to it..

When you talk and when you move your hands to express your ideas, you should be doing it fully – loud and dynamic enough so she cannot ignore you. You want her to feel as well as hear what you’re saying.

Just talk openly about who you are sexually, and be genuinely interested and curious about her as a person and her sexuality. When you do this, a woman gets extremely turned on and this motivates her to get to know you, to really want to see you again, to continue the interaction and the sexual tension.

In fact, I don’t think about attraction anymore. I think about creating a sexual vibe with a woman.

Typically, when people think about attraction, they think about value (how cool you are, how smart you are, etc), but unfortunately, that’s something that you can’t change in the two seconds it takes to walk up to the woman. You’re already where you are and that’s that. You’re either good enough or you’re not, and you can’t change it in that moment.

After the night is over, you can go back to the drawing board and fix some things in your life, but at the moment you see that woman, you’re probably only going to get one chance to talk to her, so you’ve got to go do it and just see. If she doesn’t think you’re good enough for whatever reason, that’s ok. That’s good even! at least you tried.

What I do think about when dealing with women is creating a charge, a spark, because that is where real attraction is. It’s sexual attraction.

That’s why you talk to a woman. Because she’s a woman, and you’re a man. If she were another man, it would be nothing more than a normal conversation, and you would probably never see each other again. I meet guys all the time in the bar and have nice and fun conversations, just as I would with any woman, but we don’t number-close each other or make plans to meet up.

It’s that sexual polarity that creates the spark.

The main thing I think about and what I want from a relationship with a woman is chemistry.

I only do things that I can sustain. I’m not interested in a long-term relationship right now, (although who knows what will happen if I meet the right person) but what I think about is chemistry.

I’ve dated too many beautiful women who I just didn’t click with, and it’s just not worth it.

I had a woman tell me one time after we had just finished making love (it was genuinely making love – it was really passionate) that our chemistry is amazing.

She helped me realize that actually was what made that sex so good. That we were on the same wavelength. It’s something that is really hard to define. But you just feel a click with the person; you feel safe with them, like you can let go around them.

That’s really what I’m looking for. When it really is fun and free and loving, that’s when it’s really worth it. Otherwise it’s work.

You’re putting up with shit, or doing things that you wouldn’t otherwise do if sex wasn’t in the equation. You’re putting in mental effort, physical effort, and money.

If you’re not genuinely interested and you don’t really have fun with this girl, it’s going to feel like a lot of work. At that point, sex and time spent hanging out with her is not worth it to me unless there’s chemistry.

Here’s the clincher with chemistry: it cannot be forced. It can only be allowed.

You allow it by being honest. By knowing who you are and what you want, and then allowing the woman to be that as well. You’re guiding her to be real, to be honest, finding out what’s best in her, and having her direct it towards you.

When you do this, you’re not going to have chemistry with every woman, but at least there will actually be a potential for chemistry there. If you’re not being real, and she’s not being real, there is no potential at all. Ten percent is better than zero percent, right?

I’m not necessarily talking about meeting the one and being married or anythin. I’m talking about having relationships with women where it doesn’t feel like work. It’s just pure fun. You want to see her. You choose to call her. You don’t feel obligated to call her because if you don’t she’ll break up with you. You want to call her – and if you don’t, she’s not going to flip out about it because she knows that you care about her and that you two have a connection.

Chemistry is when two people make each other better. She inspires you to be a better man, you inspire her to be a better woman, and you two grow together. That’s what chemistry is really all about. That’s the ultimate goal.

Is She The Girl For You?

(First impressions and commitment)

You really have to ask yourself how serious of a relationship, or what kind of relationship you want. I’ve had every kind of a relationship with women. Girls who were just friends, girls who I would make out with occasionally, girls who I would hook up with and have sex. Genuine but casual girlfriends (knowing that it wasn’t going to last very long for whatever reason), to long term committed relationships. Even within those categories, a whole spectrum of relationship types.

I’ve had women who we were basically fuck buddies, or casual sex friends. She could hang out, watch the game with me and my friends, have a beer, and then we wouldn’t do anything. Other times she would come over at two a.m. and we would have sex. It was very clear the kind of activities that we would do together. I would never take these girls to a museum, or go out to dinner with them or anything like that. It was basically a drink at a sports bar and have sex.

I’ve also had situations with girls that were crazy about me – very sexually attracted to me – and I was just not going to go there. They were pretty and attractive, but I decided that was not something we were going to do.

You have to think about what you really want in your relationship. And it varies from woman to woman because every connection is unique. Certain women draw out different sides of me. There are certain women that I even think of doing certain sexual positions with, whereas I wouldn’t with others.

There are certain women that have skills and talents and I want them to contribute to my life. If a woman is good at cooking — Great! She can cook with me. If a woman is great at dancing, I’ll go dancing with her.

For example, I had a girl teach me how to salsa dance. There are a lot of different things you can do with women – you just really have to be clear on what you want with the girl – and you have to do that in short order.

When you meet a woman, it’s really important that you get a sense of who she really is, and that you are honest with yourself about what you want to do with her. At that point, it’s just a matter of sticking to it. Don’t waver on that. Don’t let her use her manipulative tools to try to get you in a commitment or get you in a relationship that you don’t want. She’s going to try to get what she wants too, and you don’t want to go there. You want to be the one who has more self-control.

That’s not to say that all women are manipulative, or they all play games, but a lot do. Every woman is looking to have some kind of control or some means to get her way and get exactly what she wants, and guys submit to that way too easily.

At some point in a relationship, it’s okay to compromise. But early on, that girl doesn’t mean anything to you – you just met her – she’s barely a friend. Don’t get sucked into making commitments that you don’t want to make, or doing things that you don’t want to do purely for sex.

One thing women always try to do is get me to come and hang out with their friends. I hate that. I don’t want to meet her friends. I don’t give a shit about her friends, and I really don’t want to be in a group full of girls who are chit-chatting about things and people I don’t know.

I’d rather do anything other than that. Women often say they want you to meet their friends but oftentimes they just want to bring you around to see what their friends think of you. Maybe because they’re really starting to care about you and like you, and they want to make sure they’re not making a mistake.

This has happened to me so many times.I don’t want to sit there and have their little girlfriends ask me a bunch of personal questions about my life. This relationship is about me and her, not them. That’s something that I don’t want to do with a woman, so I’m not going to.

A lot of times, women will make ultimatums like if you don’t want to meet her friends that just tells her that you don’t care. That maybe you shouldn’t be seeing each other.

To that i’ll respond, “No, that’s not what it means. But whatever. If that’s your call, that’s your call. I’m not doing it. I don’t feel like hanging out with your friends.”

That ability to not give a shit, let go, and not care is really powerful. Possibly more powerful than anything else.

You want to make sure that she’s not forcing you to do things you don’t want to do. That means you’ve got to get clear on who you are – which means, in order for you to stick to who you are, you have to be willing to let go.

It can sound a little counterintuitive, but my overall point is to focus on yourself.

What do you want?
What do you accept?
What do you really feel like doing?

A lot of this comes across as trying to define her and alter her outlook or behaviour when really it’s about you.

It’s about you not being needy. Being able to let go. Being able to tell her if she wants to do something that you don’t feel like doing, she can go on her way and that’s fine with you.

That’s the most powerful, natural, organic way to shape women. What we’re really talking about is making sure that her place in your life doesn’t get overgrown and doesn’t turn into something that you don’t want.That’s really important, because it’s such a slippery slope.

I know from dating a lot of women who are just flat-out used to men desperately wanting to be their boyfriend, and just desperately wanting a commitment.

A lot of women I’ve dated have had men propose to them and treat them like princesses. These are women who are used to being the hottest woman that the guy has ever met.

They’ll try to get more commitment than they deserve, and get me to be more serious than I am. They try to get me to do extra boyfriend/girlfriend kind of things too fast, and I really don’t feel like doing it. That’s not where I’m at with them, so I just don’t do it.

It’s always shocking to them at first, but I think they realized that they’re out of line and that they’re expecting something that they don’t really have any right to expect.

I also noticed that when I uphold my boundaries, the attraction goes up tenfold – and the dynamic always shifts. The relationship then becomes more about me and what I want, and the woman is constantly making sure that everything is okay, that she’s not pushing too hard which is a really nice change of I:PA*CE after all the years of frustrated dating I’ve experienced. To finally have a really beautiful woman consider me is really enjoyable. I want that for you.

First Impressions

I think of compliance as short-term-shaping. You’re always getting compliance, but at some point you don’t really have to ask for it or try to get it – the woman tries to get it anyway.

If you think of the kind of interaction you want to have, you also have to ask yourself if you can hold your own in that kind of interaction. Are you asking this girl to do something that you can’t do yourself?

What do you want out of this relationship with this woman?

You want her giving as much as she’s getting, if not more. Trust me, I know. I’ve been in relationships where the woman was the princess and that was really tough.

After a while I started to feel resentment towards her. Even though the girl was really pretty, I actually got to a point where I didn’t want to have sex with her anymore because I didn’t like her. I didn’t like her as a person, and I was sick of her. You shoot yourself in the foot by putting a woman on a pedestal right off the bat. You’re setting the tone for a relationship that’s ultimately going to leave you unhappy.

So you have to set the correct tone immediately. You have to be honest in your actions. Only do something that you can sustain for the long term. Don’t act like somebody that you’re not going to want to be.

What do you want out of your relationships with people?

A lot of people get into interactions where they feel like they’re not in control. They feel like the other person is the authority. This is especially true in social situations when you’re talking to somebody and you perceive them to have higher status than you.

This could be a guy who has more money than you, is better dressed than you or is more attractive than you are. This could be a woman that’s really attractive on a level that you are not used to. So you put them on a pedestal. You assign them higher status. Remember it’s all in your head.

Instead of doing that, you should think about values. What do you really value?

I don’t value the cool game, where people are acting cooler than each other. I don’t value bragging. I don’t value showing off. I don’t value putting others down. I don’t value materialism. I don’t value superficial shows of beauty or status. I think all that is really silly. It’s basically a bunch of monkeys pretending not to be monkeys. When I see people doing this, I’m no longer intimidated – I’m just bored or flat-out not interested.

What I am interested in is genuine connections. People being honest with each other. People making each other feel better, being helpful to each other, having fun, being silly and enjoying life together.

If I’m talking to a girl and she’s trying to act cool, or she’s giving me a compliment one second and trying to tease me and lower my value the next second, I simply don’t pay attention to any of that. That behavior in her dies because I don’t pay attention to it – it doesn’t get reinforced.

When you assign someone value, it makes you feel less than them. It puts you down and puts them above you and it sets the tone for a relationship which is either not going to happen, or it’s going to be dysfunctional.

If you think more about values and whether this person is doing things and enacting values that you share, then you’ll approve of those things. When they’re enacting values that you don’t like, or that you’re not interested in, you won’t pay attention to them.

This completely alleviates all social anxiety.

Unless you value being witty, putting people down, or looking cooler to people, you will no longer be intimidated by people. If you value the ego game, then you’re bound to lose at times – and that’s going to create some anxiety.

But if you know what you value and you stick to that, you can’t lose. You can only connect or dismiss.

This is a very powerful frame of mind, and it turns the tables on all of your interactions. When you convey that you are not intimidated by the person, that you don’t see them on a pedestal, they will automatically assign you authority.

Self-Control, Dominance & Authority

I’m going to get pretty deep into some things you might not have considered about SCubed and Compliance Reversal or Reverse Supplication Game (as some people know it).

I’m going to talk about self-control and how it relates to each aspect of SCubed; Vision, Compliance, Shaping, and Sexual Tension. Keep in mind the order in which I discuss each because I believe that order is crucial to being the guy who naturally flips the script as a by-product of his life.

I’m not a fan of thinking about things or putting a lot of effort into women. If it’s not simple, that means you’re doing something wrong.

A big problem guys have is that they often put things out of order. They run before they can walk.

You can get lost using too many techniques to get women to do things. You can get lost in those perspectives of using techniques and forget that this is really about your happiness and about having good relationships with women that you like.

I know there’s the initial learning period where you just want to get your skills going, but at some point you need to step back and see what the point of all this is, where this is all going.

There isn’t any specific techniques to teach you to actually “do sexual tension” other than to just start expressing it. Express your sexuality, and be interested in other women’s sexuality.

Authority is something that happens outside of yourself. It’s the effect of dominance – but it starts within. There have been a ton of really interesting studies on this, and I’m shocked that it’s not more in the mainstream. The technical academic term for it is internal locus of control. I call it “self-control” because internal locus makes you sound like you’re full of crickets.

What is self-control? It’s people who believe that they have control over their lives – and that the things that happened to them are their own making – for the most part. They are much happier people. They are more successful, and on a day-to-day and moment-by-moment basis, they are less emotional and don’t get upset as easily.

When I think about friends that I’ve known for a long time and the way they think, the way they express themselves, there’s a clear distinction between the guys who are good with women (and good with people in general) and other guys who were not nearly as successful or good with women.

The ones who are self-controlled are the most successful and the happiest. These are guys who value their own opinion over yours. They get their guidance from within. They don’t really care too much about what other people think. You have to be a really important person for them to value your opinion. They’re not easily upset. When they see someone else being negative, they perceive that person as being in their own bubble that has nothing to do with them.

These people constantly have goals. They constantly having some kind of new thing that they’re working on.

Essentially, these people are happier.

At this point, I think the most important thing in terms of being an attractive guy is being happy and self-controlled, and self-control comes first.

That’s all you need for a woman to be motivated to get to know you.

I know, there’s a lot of stuff going on that’s beyond your control, and there’s some stuff that you can fix in terms of technique and optimizing (knowing how to open well and things like that). But beyond just being a happy, calm, successful person, there’s not much else you need to do to be the kind of guy that a woman looks at and thinks: Wow, he’s attractive, I want to get to know him, to spend time with him, to sleep with him.

Self-control is extremely important, and a good way to cultivate it within yourself is by doing what I call mind scripts. where you ask yourself who you are, what you’re doing, and what you want.

I have a mental habit now where, if I’m getting flustered or I’m letting my thoughts stray into worrying about the future or regrets about the past, I’ll bring myself back to the present by saying “What am I doing? What am I doing right now?”

In order to answer that question, you need to (ahead of time) reflect on:

Who you are?
What do you value?
What kind of person are you?
What are your strengths?
What are your weaknesses?
What are you going to cultivate within yourself?
What are you going to not pay attention to?
What kind of habits do you want to cast out of your mind?

You also need to think of where you’re going:

What are your goals?
What do you want in life?
What do you want with women, relationships and so forth?

A value is a concept that’s self-evidently important. A value is something that you can’t ask “why” about.

If I say it’s important to be honest and you ask me “why?” I would draw a blank. I don’t know how to answer that. Being honest is the right thing to do. So many good things come from it, and there’s nothing deeper — there’s nothing behind honesty. Honesty in itself is good. It’s the same with love, compassion, leadership, or freedom, or anything similar. When you’re talking about a value, you’re talking about a guidepost for your life.

Your values should be aligned with your ideal self (your image, your goals, where you’re going) the kind of person you want to be, the kind of life you want to live.

A woman should never compromise your values, and you should only spend time with and be with women that further that vision and those goals that you have.

A lot of guys end up dating a woman because they don’t think they can do any better – or because their sexually desperate. If you ask that guy what his values are, none of them will be “compromise.” None of them will be “getting laid.” The guy probably has values like Integrity, Taking Risks, Learning, things like that. None of his values are things like “Compromise” or “Bust A Nut.” And yet that’s how he’s living. He’s compromising his values so that he can keep this woman around.

This guy is operating out of Fear. If you ask him what his values are, I guarantee he wouldn’t say “Fear.”

Every person that comes into your life has an effect on your life; you really want to be cutting dead weight – you want to be cutting people off who don’t further your goals, or who don’t further your values. To do this, you have to know your vision.

A big part of Vision is being ready to say “no,” being ready to say that she’s not for you.

In terms of technique for vision,I have an exercise where you list out your goal and ways for a woman to contribute to that goal. I give you verbal tools to get the woman to do those things.

Let’s say one of your goals is that you want to start a magazine on photography. One way a woman can help you do that is to contact publishers that might be interested in funding your magazine’s pilot issue.

The way you would phrase this using a formula is:

Say what your vision is.
Express the difficulty you might have with that with achieving that vision.
Appeal to her self-ego, her self-image.
Talk about how she can help you with your vision in a way that “us” frames it so that you and she will have more time together and become closer.

Sticking to that formula you might talk about how you’re trying to get this photography magazine off the ground, but you’re having a hard time with a million different things. You’re better at coming up with content rather that doing all the business side, but she’s such a people person – she’s so good at making connections with people.

So you were wondering if maybe she could contact some publishers and see if there would be anybody interested in helping you get out a pilot issue. Tell her that if she did this and you had the magazine, she could help everyday with planning it out, designing the pictures – that’s something really creative that you can do together. You think it will bring you two closer together.

Approach Because You’re A Man

Start identifying yourself as a man who approaches women who he doesn’t know because you’re attracted to them.

Write that down and say that to yourself a lot. I’m just a guy that approaches women that I’m attracted to. The more comfortable you get with that, the easier it becomes. They sense that and you become more congruent with it

It’s just like when someone comes up to you and says something weird that you haven’t seen before, but they’re so comfortable with it that you just go along with it. That’s where you need to get to.

People freak out about the time window and they settle down because they want to have a kid or they want to start a family or their parents are pressuring them or they’re worried that they’ll never meet somebody better.

So they just settle down and that really comes from men not being able to meet the women that they really want or not being able to meet women all the time, whenever they want. When you can do that, that really ensures that your relationships are going to be very healthy and loving. There’s going to be a lot of chemistry.

You’re going to be on the same wavelength as far as where your lives are going. The women are going to be happier because they’re with a guy that they actually like. I would give the same advice to women except women don’t really approach men because they’re screening for leadership, and if they’re approaching the man, they can’t really screen for that.

So it’s kind of your job, but keep in mind this is going to make women happier. It’s going to make you happier. This is something that every guy should be able to do.

Really, you’re practicing something that our society does not encourage.

So you gotta go easy on yourself with the self talk – not getting too down on yourself but also, the more you can just make this your identity, the more comfortable you’ll be with it.

It’s just like someone who wants to go out and be a street musician. At first you might be really nervous playing your guitar on the sidewalk, then the more you do it, you become comfortable with it and eventually you’re just that guy who’s playing the guitar on the sidewalk.

Not to make it sound like you’re performing but it’s just you can do something that’s socially different. it’s atypical, but if you become comfortable with it – it’s okay, it becomes normal and you can do it every day.

Keep reminding yourself that. Start identifying yourself as a guy who fucks women and as a man who approaches women that he’s attracted to.

Pressure and Regret

Getting really down on yourself about every women that you didn’t approach will only hinder you. I’ve experienced this personally. I’ve always had a problem with regret thoughts.

It makes you feel like you have negative momentum and it makes you think Oh, I didn’t approach that girl so the whole day’s fucked.

Instead of Oh, I just didn’t feel like it.

I noticed I started doing this to myself. Even when I was coaching guys and they were expecting me to demonstrate. There would be a girl that they would see that I was looking at and they’d be like “Go for it!”

They’d be excited like “Oh, we’re gonna see the master demonstrate” and I would feel pressure. Now on that day for some reason, she was nice to look at, but I just didn’t feel like doing it at that moment. I wasn’t that excited about it.

So I started owning it. “Nah, I don’t feel like talking to her right now.”

A couple times, guys would be like “Well, I thought you wouldn’t get nervous?”

I would reply, “I’m not nervous, I just don’t really feel like approaching a woman right now. I will, you guys will see it.”

It was a big breakthrough for me and that actually made me better when approaching the woman that I was excited about.

It’s about pressure. It’s about emotional sustainability. When meeting women is emotionally sustainable for you, you’ll get a lot of practice, you’ll be able to approach a lot of them. When approaching women is a big deal, you won’t be able to get that practice, you won’t be able to get those reps in.

You’ll be nervous and so you won’t get that positive feedback from women that helps you build those beliefs that make you think Oh, this is fun and easy. I can do this.

You won’t be able to get those numbers that help your learning but also help you have a large pool to draw from so you can make a good decision about who you spend your time with.

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