Time

All you have is your time.

How many years, days, seconds will you be here?

There’s no way to know. All you know that you have is this moment.

Imagine, at birth, it was predetermined how much money you would get in your lifetime. Each person was allotted a different, random amount.

This amount was kept secret from you, and if it ran out, that was it.

How would you spend your money? How would you think differently before spending? Maybe you’d spend as you wanted, throwing caution to the wind. After all, it why waste your life being overly cautious. Or maybe you would be extremely cautious, so you didn’t run out before you died.

Either way, you would see each cent as invaluable.

The analogy is not perfect. My point is that you should treat your time as it is – infinitely valuable, an incomprehensible blessing.

And you should expect others to treat it this way to. Do not spend your time on someone who does not value it. Also, value others’ time and attention. Every connection is a blessing in your life.

Seen this way – your time is always a gift you give. Never feel you have are competing for value with another. Each person’s time is all they have, thus infinitely valuable.

Never put another above you. Your attention is a gift. Your time is all you have. It is infinitely valuable. Remember this the next time you talk to a beautiful woman.

Fear of a Woman

Love is your power.

Fear is the illusion of weakness, imperfection, loss.

What you fear is not out there, but inside you. You create the illusions that make you fear.

Look inside.

What are you afraid of? What scares you about women?

How does She scare you?

What are you afraid She will find out about you?

What do you “hate” about Her?

What rules and judgements have you created for how she “should” be?

Maybe she has fucked other men, and enjoyed it. Does that scare you? Why? How does that diminish you?

How much of your fear has to do with other men winning over you?

Do you feel left out of the party?

Slut, bitch, whore, crazy, cunt, gold-digger, piece, tail

The labels, judgements, and criticisms laid on women by men point to Man’s fear of Woman.

Man’s fear is that he is not good enough.

He senses the fire, the universe, the dance, just under the surface, contained and hidden by necessity.

Given the chance, she’ll erupt. Can you handle that?

I want her to be free, to express her wild, sexual nature. If I want to reap the benefits of her sexuality, I must accept and encourage it fully. Anything less diminishes her humanity.

See her as fully human, like you.

If she passes me up for other men, I look at myself, instead of calling her a slut, or criticizing her choices (“Women are shallow, they only want money/jerks/tall guys/muscle-bound guys/whatever”

Was my Fear a factor? Did I succumb to my Fear rather than Thrust fully? Did she feel she couldn’t be free with me? Did she feel protected physically, supported emotionally, tempted sexually?

Take responsibility. Women can’t hurt you or diminish You. Your weakness is in your head. Fear is illusory.

With great power comes great responsibility…BUT…

With great responsibility comes great power.  

One More Thing

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How To Turn a Girl On Fast

Women love sex, and most share the view that it’s healthy, fun, and connective. Not only do women love sex, but I’d say they are actually more adventurous and kinky than men. If you’ve ever read Nancy Friday’s book, My Secret Garden, you know what I’m talking about. After you read it, you’ll see it is quite easy for a girl to get turned on

Compared to men, women have much more creative and extreme fantasies. This isn’t to say women always want to carry out their fantasies. Quite the opposite, which is what makes fantasy so exciting.

In real life, she may not want to actually be bent over by a faceless man in a crowded stadium, or kneel under a podium and give a blowjob to a powerful man giving a speech to a full auditorium (these are both common fantasies I’ve heard women describe).

But in her mind, a woman is safe to explore these crazy ideas, and it’s this safety, this privacy that allows her to indulge in her fantasies and get really turned on. When you understand HOW she thinks, you will know how to turn a girl on.

This article is not about women’s sexual fantasies. I only bring up fantasy to illustrate how incredibly sexual women are. The secret world inside a woman’s mind is a sexual playground. But on the outside, she must hide this, even to her friends. A woman’s sexuality is something wonderful, but also vulnerable – something sacred she must guard, to some degree, at all times. It truly is a secret garden, and she can’t let anyone come in and carelessly trample all over the flowers.

The garden must be protected for many reasons and that’s my goal for this article – to help male readers understand the dynamics of female sexuality on a deeper level, and in a more holistic way.

As a man, it took me a long time to understand how to turn a girl on. It was really a process of unlearning my cultural conditioning, so I could see the obvious.

If I have unprotected sex, I risk contracting an STD, but even then, a woman has a much higher chance of contraction, because of the physical nature of intercourse – she is being penetrated and ejaculated into. I’m sure you know how sex works, but have you ever thought about how the physical dynamics of intercourse affect how a woman thinks about sex?

Evolutionarily, sex is a risk for a woman. Here is a list of the risks a woman takes sexually. (It’s important to understand that although some of these risks are not as much of an issue today, we are still wired as we were 80-50,00 BC. Our brains have not had time to change to the degree society has. Culture changes fast, but biology evolves slowly. Very slowly. 10,000 years of civilization is a blink compared to millions of years of physical evolution).

Risks associated with sex, for women:

* Pregnancy
* Death at childbirth (mother and child)
* Months of at least some physical handicap, carrying a fetus inside her body
* Several years carrying the responsibility to care for her child
* Contracting an STD
* Physical pain, especially if sex is against her will
* Loss of social reputation
* Emotional pain if she is abandoned after sex
* Deeper emotional pain if she is gets pregnant and is abandoned
Risks for men:

* Contracting an STD
* Potentially breaking a sweat

It’s a wonder women want to have sex at all, but in fact they do – very much so. And this is a subtle but important point – women are still very horny despite all these risks. It doesn’t take a lot to turn a girl on. It just requires understanding.

A woman’s sexuality is so powerful that it overrides all the risks she is taking. But this desire doesn’t negate her fear. Fear and desire coexist in a woman, and this accounts for the often ambiguous and seemingly-illogical way women act when it comes to sex.

And there is an even deeper level of fear associated with sex, beyond the physical and emotional risks. For a woman, sex is surrender. She is giving up control of her body. As her body is surrendered, so is her mind. She is letting go.

I’ve found that the more relaxed a woman is with me, the more she can let go of control and surrender to me, the more pleasure she experiences. The easiest way to turn a girl on is to help her relax with you.

With enough relaxation, sex can seem like a transcendent experience for my woman. She is at the whim of the universe, surrendered, relaxed, in unconscious ecstasy. It’s as if I’ve fucked all thought out of her head and she only FEELS waves of pleasure surging through her body.

In contrast, I am in total control, totally conscious, holding her, pounding her, tasting her, completely focused on how beautiful and feminine she is. I feel turned on by seeing her turned on. My arousal is expressed through my control of her, my penetration of her. The stronger and more passionately I hold her and thrust into her, the more she surrenders and allows her body to be enjoyed and penetrated.

But surrender means letting go of control. Loss of control is the cause of emotional trauma. When a woman is raped, and goes into a deep depression, it’s because she felt helpless. Her sense of ownership of her own body was completely negated. No one was there to protect her.

If someone could take her body away from her once, it could hypothetically happen at any time. This is a terrifying thought. And what most guys don’t know is that sexual trauma is actually the norm in the female experience.

If a woman hasn’t been outright assaulted at some point in her life (which is extremely common), she has at least experienced leering, harassment, and manipulation from men, on a REGULAR, EVEN DAILY BASIS. This is ongoing, low-intensity trauma, but over time has the same effect – often a girl’s sense of self-ownership, of autonomy and free will, diminishes as she grows into a woman.

Compounding this is the emotional pain women commonly experience when they have sex with a guy who then stops calling and cuts off contact. Being abandoned after sex is very, very painful for a woman. As women get older, they take men’s promises with a grain of salt, and get somewhat desensitized to the “hit it and quit it” routine. But for younger women, being abandoned by a guy  after sleeping with him is traumatic and has a powerful impact on her perception of men and sex.

None of what I’ve said is to make you feel guilty. The opposite is true. With this knowledge, you can become a more compassionate, patient, understanding man. That doesn’t mean you’ll be a wuss. Again, the opposite is true. When you are more loving, you become more aggressive and passionate, because you have no guilty intention holding you back!

If you want to know how to turn a girl on, find your unique combination of aggressive passionate sexuality, balanced with a sense of emotional safety and relaxation. This is the magic formula.

Trauma is losing control. For a woman, sexual surrender is giving up control. But both are ultimately the loss of control. So trauma and sex are psychological cousins. Fear and arousal lie on opposite sides of a slippery slope that is a woman’s sexuality. Precarious, vulnerable, exciting and scary…she is on fire. What a thrill to let go, and surrender to a strong man.

When a woman trusts me enough to surrender to me, it is deeply humbling. It is an honor to be given control of another person’s body. She is as autonomous and sovereign as I, her body amazing in it’s function and beauty. And, at least for small window of time, it is mine to enjoy and ravish.

Fuck your woman with all the passion you can muster. Never take sex for granted – it’s a gift from nature, from God. If you’re energy is low, that’s OK. Give what you can at the time. And never take a woman’s body for granted. She has given it to you as you give yours to her.

Give with abandon, enjoy obliviously, and help her do the same. This is how to turn a girl on.

Flirting Body Language

We are always communicating to each other with our bodies. Our thoughts and feelings are telegraphed through facial expression, posture, movement, and many other aspects of body language. To be good with women is to be good at flirting.

Because so much of our communication is outside of words – what we say with our bodies – flirting is as much about what you say with your body as with your words, if not more. In this article, I’m going to break down body language, and more specifically flirting body language.

Flirting body language

By Brian Burke

The best flirts are men and women who understand that much of what is communicated happens physically. Let me point out some areas of body language so that you may become more aware of your own body language. This is important because when you are aware of your body, you can then use it consciously to send the messages you want to send to others. This awareness is crucial for effective flirting body language.

Facial expressions

Imagine saying something neutral to another person, for example, “I ate a sandwich today.”

If you say this with a smile, the person gets the message that the sandwich was good, even though you have not said that verbally yet. Alternatively, you could say it with a frown, and the person infers that the sandwich was bad

Facial expression adds context to your words. Taking this idea a step further, imagine giving someone a compliment, with a smile. They will be pleased. But say it with a frown, and you send the message that you don’t mean the compliment – maybe you are being sarcastic, and actually criticizing the person. They will respond much differently.

There is a wide range of possible expressions between a smile and a frown. We are capable of literally thousands of subtly different facial expressions, and we are also WIRED to perceive these subtle differences. Could you be sending the wrong message when you talk to girls?

Remember, flirting body language starts with the look on your face.

Movement – pace, and space

You probably now realize that body language is a subtle business. Moreso with body movement. For example, if you are moving fast, it could convey that you are nervous, or simply energized and excited.

If you move slow, it could mean you are depressed. It could also mean that you are feeling confident and relaxed. What’s the difference? Your facial expression.

Another part of movement is how much space you occupy. If you sit with your arms and legs spread, as if you own the place, you look confident. But fidgety (fast) hand movements, and a subtley nervous facial expression will give you away as trying to assert confidence to cover up insecurity.

Are you seeing how subtle and complex all this is? Don’t worry, I’ll make it simple later, because you do NOT want to be thinking about all these things when you talk to women. In fact, the less you think, the more relaxed and confident you appear, and this is the foundation of flirting body language.

Posture and positioning

I’m sure you know that having an upright posture sends good messages. But keep in mind that all of these piecse of body language exist in-context. I’ve found that there are times when slumping, leaning, and having your head down are appropriate, and even effective at communicating confidence.

Another part of body language that is extremely subtle is how you position yourself in a room. Men who feel more dominant than other men tend to naturally stand in the center of attention, or at an important vertex in a room. My friend Darren always did this. He would walk into a room, speak to everyone in a calm but loud tone, and occupy the area of the room that was the center of focus.

Obviously, when you stand or sit off to the side, you tell people that you do not feel like you belong or are worth getting attention. This is a low-status cue. An obvious example is when the shy kids in class sat at the back so as not to get called on or noticed.

Flirting body language requires that you don’t hide yourself from others, but also that you don’t fake and try to LOOK confident, because in actuality you will just look insecure to women.

Tonality

Tonality is usually aligned with facial expression. When it’s not, the effect is actually very off-putting, even scary. Let’s look at the two basic facial expressions – a smile, and a frown. Now imagine smiling but using an angry tonality, while saying “Hi, how are you?” Scary shit!

Now imagine frowning, but using a happy tonality with a frown, and saying this. Eww…nasty! Sarcasm at it’s worst. This will likely make the other person mad, whereas the first example will make them think you want to kill them.

Try to align your tonality with your facial expression. Flirting body language requires many different tonalities, but at any given time, what you say on your face is what you send with your voice tone.

The biggest part of Flirting body language is how you touch a woman

Touch

Touch what you do with your hands to communicate what you are thinking in regards to the other person. Touch is a huge part of my interactions with women, and I have a whole teaching system to make students masters of touch. For no, just remember that you want your touch – and part of your body language – aligned so that you are sending one, strong, clear message at a time.

Obviously, if you can touch a woman in a way that makes her feel good, she will begin thinking about you in a sexual way, so this is something you definitely want to get handled if you want to improve your flirting body language.

Flirting body language, made simple

I’m going to introduce a concept that will become part of your vocabulary as you read more of my stuff.

Messaging

Remember I said that you want to send one strong, clear message at a time. Think about what kind of message you should send when it comes to flirting body language. If you are talking to a mechanic about an estimate for your car repairs, you should send a message that you are not stupid and that you will not simply agree to whatever number he throws at you. Condensing this into a simple message, you should be saying with your body, “I’m not here to play games,” or “Don’t try to lie to me.”

When you are flirting with a woman, a great message to send is, “Hmm…you have potential, but I’m not sure about you.” As you send this message, ask her questions, tease her, and genuinely appreciate her when she expresses herself authentically.

You can still send this message when you talk about yourself, so that you are basically challenging her to see if she can hang with you.

Flirting is about screening, but often guys are ready to sleep with a woman just because she looks good. They don’t challenge her to find out if there’s more beneath the surface.

When a woman sees that you are screening her, she instantly respects you, which turns her on and motivates her to talk to you more. The way to convey screening? By sending a message: flirting body language says, “I’m not sure about you yet. Show me more.”

How to Turn a Girl On

How To Turn A Girl On

For a hilarious, ridiculous, pitiful guide, go here

how to be good in bed

what turns women on

Dating Coach for Men

I bet you’re the type of man who takes charge of his career, of his health, of his LIFE. And what part of life is more important than your relationships with women?

You wouldn’t rely on fate or luck to feed yourself every day, and you wouldn’t leave your career up to chance, then why would you trust in luck to find the girl of your dreams?

You CAN operate at an elite level with women. You might even know a guy who doesn’t rank very high on the looks or wealth scale, but seems to have a magic way with women. Guess what…he’s using the exact same system, only he can’t articulate it, let alone teach it, because it’s just “how he is” – it’s natural, organic, unconscious.

The kind of guy that hires a personal trainer – or coach – to improve his golf game, or attends seminars to improve his sales skills, iss a guy that isn’t satisfied with average. These are the kind of people I like to surround myself with, and this is the kind of student I tend to attract.

Most of my students are very successful men. And most of my students have already had a fair amount of success in their dating lives.  Guys that come to me want to be excellent in the most important parts of their lives, so when they hire a coach, they expect excellence. 

There are three things a dating coach for men should be able to do:

1. Demonstrate results, and

2. Teach a system for others to get the same results

The third thing is rarely, if ever mentioned. You must have a method for teaching if you want to be a dating coach for men. In other words, you don’t just teach a system, you have a system of teaching. 

When I first began as a dating coach for men, I was teaching specific techniques to my students. And then I read this quote:

“As to methods there may be a million and then some, but principles are few. The man who grasps principles can successfully select his own methods. The man who tries methods, ignoring principles, is sure to have trouble.”– Ralph Waldo Emerson

My approach to teaching changed. I came up with a template-based structure in my exercises. I allowed space for individuality and improvisation. I used structures that forced each student to express himself authentically.  

These exercises evolved into the ground-breaking mental GPS technology I call ACT Leadership. It’s a system I can “upload” into your mind, PERMANENTLY.

Once you download ACT into your mind, you’ll immediately throw out all your self-help products, dismiss all the dating advice (which is actually holding you back anyway), and stop worrying about getting laid. Just throw on a t-shirt and go to an area where attractive women shop, and get a couple new girlfriends. It can be that simple and easy…

In fact, doesn’t it feel WRONG that it ISN’T that easy? Doesn’t dating feel like WORK most of the time? Why is approaching so scary and why do you draw a blank when you talk to beautiful women?

If so, you’re not alone. Most guys are BAD with women, in the sense that they have almost ZERO control over which women they meet, and when they meet them. Most men cannot approach competently, and most men have to wait for sex, while spending a bunch of time and money.

So the learning process should be FAST, EASY, and FUN. And remember, when we are talking about being good with women, we are not talking about seduction, game, pickup, or attraction.  No, we are talking about LEADERSHIP. 

Leadership is all about how you think. As you notice her body, she notices your mind. You are looking for a pretty face and nice figure, but she’s looking for leadership.

And just like a woman can’t convince a man she is pretty if he doesn’t see her that way, you can’t convince a woman that you are attractive, cool, “alpha,” witty, or a leader. 

Thrust is thinking like a leader, by leading yourself. Your example garners respect, a sense of safety, and an anticipation of reward in others if they come with you on your journey. Cultivating your Thrust naturally makes you someone that is respectable, safe, and a bringer of pleasure. This is the side of leadership that entices a woman to be with you. 

With YOU.

She doesn’t want the “right words,” the “right moves,” or the “right looks.” She wants YOUR unique flavor of masculinity – YOUR Thrust. In fact, it’s your very attempt to “do it right” that is making you just like every other guy, turning women off in the process.

But just as you like to see beautiful women and feel aroused, a woman wants to meet a man who excites her. And the fastest way to be that man is to hire a dating coach for men. If you’d like to learn more, check out the LEAD7 Coaching Program. 

To your success,

Brian Burke

Founder, GoBeyondDating.com

The Best Pickup Artist Coach

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