Category Archives for Uncategorized

Pot-Committed (Compliance)

If you play poker, you’ll understand this easily because you know what “pot committed” means. Basically, in a hand, people call, raise, and put in their chips. When you put in a certain amount of chips or money, it’s hard to fold. It’s hard to give up and cut your losses because you’ve committed so much money already.

Mentally, it will be difficult for you to give up at that point. You’ve invested so much that it will be hard for your brain to deal with letting go.

Compliance is essentially getting a woman “pot committed” to you. If a woman feels like she’s putting in a lot of work to attract you, to get you, she’s going to feel more invested in you. She’s going to feel more motivated to maintain a relationship with you and to keep you in her life.

This is the beauty of compliance because you begin getting compliance from a woman right off the bat.

It seems like small, unimportant stuff at first; getting her to buy you a drink, or getting her to drive to your place, but it builds upon itself.

Now, the most powerful compliance you can get from a woman is emotional compliance. If you can get emotional compliance, material compliance is nothing. You won’t need a technique, you just fucking ask for it.

You are not being manipulative here. You want to draw women out. To find out who she really is. You want her to express her personality as honestly as possible so that you can figure out where she’s going to sit in your life.

If this is a girl that I really click with, and I really like who she is as a person then we’re talking long term potential.

If this is a girl who’s cool for a little while, she’s fun but we don’t have a lot in common after a couple of hours of hanging out and there’s a level of sexual attraction there, she’s going to fit into my life differently.

That’s why I focus on enjoying the woman now. A by-product of doing that is, she becomes emotionally invested in me.

Women are looking to bond with a strong man so that they have a better chance of survival. In the society that we live in now, this is not so relevant. The survival needs are different, but the wiring is the same in the mind.

It takes a long time to adjust to the new society that we live in. Our brains haven’t had time to change from the fifty thousand years before this, where it really was a serious need for women to meet a man for survival.

Now this can all sound a bit Machiavellian. I’m getting women to do things for me so that they have to trick themselves into thinking that they like me and I’m important to them, and that I care about them.

Remember what I said about my intention when I deal with women. I want to draw them out for the purpose of figuring out where they fit into my life. That’s all.

A side effect of this is that they become emotionally invested or pot committed.

I’m not doing this because I want to manipulate her. It’s a by-product that she will mentally want to be around me. She will want to bond with me. She will make me more trustworthy in her mind, and, in her perception, I will care about her more.

This emotional investment is a side effect of me drawing a woman out. This is just the nature of things. This is how human emotions work.

Quick Chemistry

Allows for the grail – chemistry – makes you have chemistry with anyone. **9. You are your best (ie real) self, and you can draw out their best (REALEST) too.

You’re not going to have great chemistry with everyone you meet. You have chemistry with everyone, but sometimes that chemistry is good and sometimes it’s not.

The problem is that most people actually prevent chemistry from revealing itself. They prevent good chemistry from happening and they do this by not being themselves.

When you use deception, you prevent the possibility for chemistry. As a man, of course I like pretty girls. But I especially like pretty girls I have chemistry with. There’s nothing better than meeting a girl that you click with right away.

That never used to happen to me, but now it happens all of the time.

I:PA*CE has helped me become great at connecting with people. I:PA*CE brings out my natural personality, and it also elicits authentic expression from the people I interact with.

When you’ve got two people being authentic with one another, there’s a very real opportunity for chemistry.

Chemistry’s the holy grail when you’re meeting people, especially with women. This is how to find “the one” – a wife or serious girlfriend.

It can even help you connect with a sexual partner that ends up being a non-exclusive best friend or lover.

There’s no thinking, no effort. You’re just having a good time with the girl.

Not to mention that the sex is going to be great. Chemistry makes it so that you don’t have to think about anything else but the person in front of you.

Keep Pushing (Bad Days Are Good)

If you want to be successful at something – you just have to keep going. Even if you have a bad day.

Paul “The Truth” Pierce is a clutch player. He’s an amazing jumper. He can score from anywhere on the court. Doc Rivers calls him a professional scorer. He has an awful game against Miami. Nothing’s going right for him and he shouts for the ball with a few seconds left and takes a cross court shot. His team is down by two at this point, they need this three to win, and he gets it.

Now he had one of the worst games of the season for himself. He was like 1 for 17 or something like that. This guy has had a ton of good games and in this particular situation he was having a shitty game. He took 17 shots and he only made one of them.

But he still, at the end of the game, called for the ball and took that shot. That’s why Paul Pierce is successful. That right there, in a nutshell, is why that guy is in the NBA. It’s how he thinks. That’s the secret to success.

You’re having a bad day, you keep going. You keep deciding Oh, I’m going for it. I’m getting numbers. Whether you get it or not is not a success or failure. What we’re doing is practicing a mindset. You’re habituating mindsets. You’re habituating approaching to just give appreciation. You’re habituating being really honest and self deprecating right off the bat.

The whole point of that is to drop your need to impress people and be cool and let go of your ego and instead totally focus on the woman.

Not just a thought but actually feel what it’s like to let go of what people think of you. This is an exercise that will do that. You don’t have to sit under the Bodhi Tree for 40 days. You can do exercises to become totally comfortable with not caring about what people think of you and instead focus on what you like about them.

That’s what approaching is about.

Remember, what’s gonna make you good at this particular skill – which will make your life better, will raise your level of satisfaction and happiness with your life – is continuing to practice the mindsets regardless of outcome.

Stop worrying about whether or not you get a number. All you need to do is continue to practice the mindset. What’s going to happen gradually is you’re going to become more relaxed, you’re going to become more charming. You’re going to tease the woman and make jokes right off the bat that get her laughing and gets her seeing you differently.

You’re not just another guy hitting on her now.

Now she’s thinking this guy’s pretty confident, he’s cracking jokes and having fun.

You’re only going to be able to do that when you can relax. Now, how are you going to get to that point when you’re not relaxed? Let me put it another way.

How are you going to be able to approach a woman in a difficult situation when you’re not dressed well, you’re not looking good? Maybe you didn’t like your haircut this week. How are you going to approach her and make it work in an awkward situation when you don’t really feel like the sexiest guy on earth? How are you going to do that?

First, don’t think about how you look to her. That’s not something that even enters your head. If it does then you do your best to let it go. It’s not important.

The second thing that’s gonna make that work is the fuel that drives every interaction with a woman – and that’s love or appreciation. You can be awkward, it can be a weird moment. She can be getting off the subway, she can be with her family. If you’re bringing love (and that’s appreciation basically) you can make it work.

And third, be okay with not getting a number. You have to be comfortable with that. You’ve done it so many times where it didn’t work out that it doesn’t matter any more. And so, you’re relaxed.

That’s how you do it on the subway or on a bus or in a café in front of people or at a busy street corner and she’s with friends or family. That’s how you do it.

You’re not distracted by bullshit thoughts about yourself.
You’re bringing love.
You’re relaxed.

Not being worried in the moment is going to allow you to improvise. It’s going to allow you to tease her. Be able to adapt to the situation and say “Oh, I can see you’re shopping. I’ll tell you what, I’ll walk you down the block and then I gotta get back to where I was going.”

You’ll have the presence of mind to say those things. You’ll have the presence of mind to make a little joke about something she’s wearing or something she does. You’ll be able to make a little joke about the environment because you’re relaxed and observant.

There’s going to be all this shit that arises in the moment. You gotta be able to improvise and adapt to it. That comes from being relaxed.

The most important time to practice these mindsets is when you’re frustrated and you’re having a bad day. The good day, okay cool, everything’s falling in your lap – great, but how have you grown because of that?

How have you gone beyond your old boundaries, your own limits. How have you gone past your own comfort zone? Have you done that if all the girls like you?

The only time when it counts is when shits not going your way. That’s when you’re growing, you’re making progress. It’s just like with lifting weights. The only rep that matters is the one that really hurts. That’s where the muscle fibres tear. That’s where you get better. That’s where you get stronger.

Sexual Options

It’s really attractive when picking up a woman for her to realize that you have other women you could be dating. That proves you. That makes you look like an attractive guy because other women like you.

It’s very easy to talk about this. Just tell them you were hanging out with your friend Christine the other day and she made you dinner, then you guys played scrabble or something together and it was cute. If you say something like that to a girl that you just met, that instantly tells her this guy has women that not only like him, but they like him enough to make him dinner!

If you raise the quality of your sexual options, that will make you much more attractive.

I say, only approach women that you’re really attracted to. I know it can be hard to work your way up to this. The most fundamental, concrete way to do that is to go ahead and use the one through ten scale. I’m not a big fan, but guys like to use it. And it makes sense on some level.

For example, you’re dating a seven, and all you can get is sevens, which leaves you frustrated because you can’t meet nines and tens. Just date enough sevens so that sevens aren’t a big deal, and then step it up. That’s it. That’s just the natural way that it works.

Try to leapfrog to tens and you’re going to feel like you don’t really deserve the girl. Or you’re going to feel like you got really lucky, and you’re going to make all kinds of mistakes. Go for it.

What’s really going to help you is meeting enough women so that the quality of women is no longer a big deal, and you just naturally move up.

It’s also very important that you treat people with kindness, especially in front of women. Be kind to everyone. She’ll appreciate it. Be a protector, an example to others in your peer group and in your community. Don’t criticize. Don’t be a jerk criticizing people, especially in front of women. No matter how critical she is.

Lastly, don’t wait until you have everything figured out in order to meet women. Just keep improving your life. Don’t stop.

When you have your life together, why wouldn’t she like you?

Laying a solid foundation for vision allows everything else to naturally come out. It’s really hard to flip the script and write a new script if you don’t feel like the prize.

You don’t have to feel like the best guy that’s ever walked the earth. You just have to feel like a guy who’s good enough to talk to attractive women because you’re attractive.

Get To Know Her

(I:PA*CE accelerates intimacy)

Rapidly develops deep understanding of women, and each individual woman so you know her inside and out. **9.

Imagine someone using the “one size fits all” approach with you. You probably wouldn’t like it. You wouldn’t feel like that person cared about you, understood you, or had your best interests in mind.

Well, this is what men do with women. They try to use the one size fits all method, whether it’s by using some complicated pickup artist technique or by doing stuff that their older brother taught them.

When you’re doing this, women can feel it.

The irony is you can get much further, far faster, by actually getting to know her and understanding her intimately.

Guys don’t do this because they don’t realize how efficient it is.

I’ve learned to do this quickly. I can talk to a girl for a few minutes and know her better than her best friends.

I:PA*CE can do this for you.

Imagine the difference between approaching a woman with some idea of what women like and trying to apply that to her, versus knowing specifically what she likes.

Knowing what drives her, what turns her on, what makes her tick.

Having that knowledge is powerful.

Think about how easy it’s going to be to talk to her, connect with her, and sleep with her.

I:PA*CE is simple and easy to remember because there are only five focalities. We can only usually retain roughly 7 things at any give time, so five is an ideal number.

I:PA*CE hasn’t changed at all over the years. Despite trying my attempts, there’s quite literally no room for improvment.

One of the best things about the five focalities is that you don’t have to memorize them. You’ll naturally find yourself doing them, and within a week or two you’ll find that they become second nature.

Approach Control

There’s a lot that’s just not under your control. Sometimes the girl stops, sometimes she doesn’t. This is something you need to become comfortable with. The fact that she might not stop.

Anything that makes you feel more comfortable or helps you feel more relaxed is good. Primarily because it’s gonna give you more situational awareness in the moment, so you’ll be able to adapt.

Maybe you’ll notice something about her that you could tease her on, which will change things right off the bat with women. If you’re approaching her, you get talking, compliment her and she’s like “Oh, thanks” and then you tease her on something, you’re flipping the script.

You’re only able to see those sorts of things when you’re relaxed though. Understanding there’s a good chance she will walk off. It’s not more probable, it’s just there’s a good possibility that it’ll happen. That’ll help you out.

Remember, all this is about sustainability and it’s about your lifestyle. It’s about being the kind of guy who is comfortable approaching women for the rest of your life until you get a wife or whatever it is you decide to do.

I liken it to driving to work. You don’t just get in your car and hope that you get there. It’s the same way with women. I’d say being able to meet women is even more important than being able to drive a car.

The reality is just because you know how to drive to work or you know how to drive a car doesn’t mean you’re never going to get a flat. It doesn’t mean you’re not going to hit a snag in traffic. But you are able to drive your car and get to where you need to go. You have that ability for the rest of your life.

That’s all we’re doing here. This is not some magic shit. This is not going to solve all your problems and make you a complete person. This is just a life skill that, as a man with high standards for yourself, you want.

I have high standards for myself in everything. The place I live, the clothes I wear, the people I keep company and the women in my life.

I have to work hard, make sure that everything I do is quality. In the same sense, if I want awesome women in my life, then this is what I need to do. I treat it as a basic life skill.

When I say basic life skills, I mean I think this is something that every guy should know, but very few guys do.

You’re just developing a skill to give you the ability to have what you want. That’s all we’re doing here. That’s why I say you’re just training. You’re training a skill that allows you to talk to that attractive woman. Even if you’re not ready, you’re not dressed well, you’re not in shape, you’re in a crummy mood and the situation is tough.

She’s walking past you or you’re in a café and there’s people around that might hear you and you’re still able to do it. That’s all we’re looking for.

Keeping that in mind, when you’re approaching, you’re going to have situations where it’s out of your control. The girl just doesn’t want to stop. Maybe right off the bat, she looks at you and there’s something about you she doesn’t like. There’s nothing you can do about that.

Nonetheless you do have the ability to stop attractive women. Women that you want to get to know better. Women that you want to sleep with. You have the ability to talk to them during the day and meet them and be able to make a connection. It’s not going to happen every time, but you’re able to do it. Wrapping your mind around that and getting comfortable with that is important.

Money, Money, Money

[Don’t Worry, Be Happy]

A lot of guys spend their lives chasing status and wealth just to get hot girls.

But women don’t need guys to be rich.

This is why I always talk about my values, and what I like about my job, and what my goals are, because that conveys that I’m going to be successful, and that I’m not bullshitting.

I really believe I’m going to be very successful, I already feel successful and that I will be even more successful in the future. So, when I’m talking about that, it’s real. A woman can sense that. I’m not rich, I’m far from rich, but I convey the trait that eventually I will be.

Intelligence is a big part of being successful, of dealing with the world, of surviving. However, intelligence doesn’t necessarily mean an academic background.

If you’re not going to school, don’t worry, that’s not a big deal. You want to convey that you’re intelligent, with a strong ethical path that you obey. For me, I will make sacrifices in order to do the right thing.

I know what I value, and it’s being honest, being true to myself, protecting people, looking out for others, leaving the world a better place than I found it; and that’s a big part of my life. That’s a big part of my personality. I talk about it, I don’t stray from it, and when I do, I feel shitty about it.

Show her that you’re serious about your goals. You talk about something you did that day that actually moved you towards your goals.

If a girl comes over and you’re busy doing something, let her wait. That’s going to show her that you’re driven, you’re motivated, and you’re serious about your goals. That actually makes her trust you more than if you drop everything and just started catering to her.

Doing well in your current position wherever you are at in life will show her that you are serious. I’ve had some really crappy jobs, and if you’re working at a crappy job you don’t like, I understand you not wanting to put your all into it.

I know it’s damn near impossible to give a hundred and ten percent at a job you hate. I’ve done everything from delivering pizzas to carrying out malts to peoples’ cars. Just do enough so that your boss respects you and values you, and can give you a good recommendation afterwards.

I have noticed something about myself. When I do slack off at work, and even now when I’m late getting projects done, I feel bad. I feel almost like I’m not a man. I feel like a child, like I can’t handle my own life, and it obviously kills my confidence with women.

If you put in an honest day’s work, when you leave work, you feel like you deserve something good. You see an attractive woman and you feel like you’re a grown man who works, makes money, is self-sufficient, and does well at his job. You feel like you deserve to have a cute girlfriend.

It might seem unrelated, but doing a good job at work, finishing up your daily tasks, your daily errands, getting shit done, figuring out what you value, what your ethics are, sometimes sacrificing time with a woman so that you can move forward in your goals, can communicate to women what kind of person you are.

That will have an incredible effect on women because it will show them that you have a real vision. When a man has a vision, a woman wants to be a part of that vision. You don’t even need to game her or use any kind of lines to get her to want to be with you.

She’ll already fucking want to because that’s how women work.

She sees a man with a vision, she wants to jump onboard.

When you have your life together, you are a happy person. You feel like you’re doing your thing. You feel like you put in a good day’s work. You had your fun that day. You made your money that day. You did your best, and that makes you feel happy.

The most important thing when you’re approaching a woman or interacting with a woman is to be happy.

That’s it.

Think about how nervousness kills your happiness. Think about how your anxiety kills your happiness. Think about how the pedestal mentality makes you look unhappy when you approach a woman. You’re nervous, you don’t look happy.

Being happy is about being calm, being comfortable with yourself, and that all stems from your vision. From doing a good job in your life outside of women.

Prize Position

(She wants sex, not through deception, through trust)

Keeps you in the prize position. *10 (persist through her anxiety – her fear is not a pedestal)

You want to be in the prize position. You want to appear as a sexual prize.

Of course, she’ a prize too. You’re both gifts to each other. Being the sexual prize doesn’t mean that you’re better than her.

Guys undermine their own value by trying to get sex from women. It’s as if the woman has all the value in the interaction.

She has the sex and the man is trying to work hard to get it from her.

Well, that’s wrong. Women want to feel like they’re sleeping with a man they earned. That they inspired and nurtured.

Women want to feel like the dick they’re getting is valuable. If someone gives you a prize for no reason, you don’t value the prize. But when you earn it, it’s value has increased in your eyes.

If the woman feels like she’s made you laugh and gained your interest with her personality, then you move forward sexually.

The sexual interest has value to her, and that makes you look like a sexual prize rather than a sexual beggar, which is how a lot of guys come across.

They’re desperate and trying to get sex from the woman rather than giving sex to her because they like her and appreciate her as a woman and as a person.

I:PA*CE handles both. That’s why I say it shows you how to be physical but also how to have a conversation.

I:PA*CE is also verbal. One of the really important things to understand with women is that women like sex and they like men.

They want to meet a man and become physical with him. But they want the connection to be mental and physical.

As a man, you need to like her for her mind and her body. Most guys do one or the other. They either like her for her body or they just like her for her mind.

Or they like her for her body but they pretend that they like her just for her mind.

That’s where the friend zone appears. The guy pretends like he’s not interested in her body, and that he only likes her mind. This comes off very asexual.

He doesn’t have any sexual spark. Then you have other guys, who are just purely interested in her body. An obnoxious guy hitting on her in a bar, not really talking to her as a human being.

He’s just trying to recite lines and when she responds he’s looking down at her tits.

What you have to do is appreciate her mind and her body. With I:PA*CE this comes naturally.

I:PA*CE is a way to be very sexual in conversation without coming off sleazy, needy, or desperate.

I’m very sexual with women. I talk about sex with women all the time.

For me, it’s weird to not talk about sex with a woman I want to have sex with. It just doesn’t make any sense to me.

I:PA*CE creates that sexual spark with women, because you’re able to talk about sex in a way that resonates with women and turns them on.

A perfect example of this is my website, Go Beyond Dating. I show women that website before I’ve even slept with them.

I’ll text them a link to the website and they’ll go to it and be more interested in sleeping with me because I’m teaching men how to turn women on. That turns women on.

I’ll have my guys – my students – use articles I’ve written as conversation topics with women.

I wrote this article called “Sex and Surrender.” I had several women that I knew read that and they texted me saying things like, “That made me wet reading that, that’s really hot. I wish more guys thought like you.”

Then I had my students bring up this article and say to girls, “Hey, I read this strange article called ‘Sex and Surrender’ by this guy named Brian. It was really interesting. He was talking about how for a woman to really enjoy sex she needs to feel like she surrenders and is letting go. What do you think about that?”

Now he and the woman are talking about sex, and he’s talking about surrender. He understands a woman’s sexuality on a very deep level and he’s understanding this specific woman right in front of him. He’s understanding how she thinks about sex and how she feels about these topics. He’s doing it using I:PA*CE, and she is getting turned on.

My students have gotten laid because they talk about the articles. The articles are I:PA*CE and they talk about it using I:PA*CE as a focus framework or focality system.

Go For Your Goals

You definitely want to be goal oriented. You know, all this nonsense you hear about pickup and being good with women, just have fun. “Go out and have fun and you’ll get laid.”

Bullshit. I get more done when I’m focused. It’s good to have a goal. It’s good to go up to a women and be thinking “I want her number” or “I want to fuck this girl.”

It’s fine, you just gotta be able to do it. And that’s the thing with most guys, they don’t know what they’re doing. They have this goal but then they don’t know how to achieve it. That creates this crazy anxiety in them and they can’t function.

If you’ve got a goal and you know you have that ability to get there, it shows. Having a goal is very good with a woman. My goal every time is like “I’m going to get her alone with my dick out and get her sucking me off.”

Like that’s pretty much my goal with every single woman I meet. And that’s why it happens with every single girl that I hang out with. Because it’s my goal. So you want to have that focus but you need to get over that other shit first of being warm without worrying about yourself.

Being able to be honest and self-effacing. Internalizing the idea that it’s not about being smooth, it’s about being real. Then getting to the point where you’re relaxed and you have situational awareness.

For example if you’re talking to a girl in the subway you can say “Look the train’s coming. I wish I could talk to you but the train’s cutting us off. I’ll call you later, we can talk more.”

Having that awareness because you’re relaxed, you’re paying attention. When you’re relaxed you’re able to notice things. Ultimately what we’re aiming for is you being congruent with yourself. So you can approach women in an awkward situation, when you’re not ready, and still have the ability to make it happen.

The Gift Mentality

When you approach women, you are offering yourself. You are not trying to get sex from her.

You are offering a gift to her.

You don’t give it all away at first. You give it in increments to reward her for her efforts. The problem with this is that most guys don’t believe that they have anything to offer.

Every technique out there, no matter what the message, or school, or supposed guru teaching it, is basically a way of simulating a belief that you are the prize, that you are the gift.

So, no matter what the technique, the whole point of it is not that it’s the right thing to say to girls. It’s based on a frame of you, the man, being the prize, being someone offering something of value to a woman.

You could generate a huge list of every single technique and witty opener out there, but that’s a lot to remember and it wouldn’t really be very useful on it’s own. Instead, I say, develop yourself. Develop your mental habit.

Develop your lifestyle so that you don’t have to think about framing yourself as the prize. You’ll actually feel like it.

I actually feel like I’m living the life. I really do. I look at my life, my job, my friends, my relationships; I look at myself, my intelligence, my know-how, especially when it comes to women, and how much more I understand women than the average guy, and I think–I’m a fucking catch. I really do.

In fact, my biggest problem is finding women that I feel actually deserve a significant amount of my time. I end up cutting a lot of women off.

Without the right knowledge it’s very hard to get to this level. You have to think about and understand women.

Women communicate on more subtle levels than you’re probably used to. When you walk up to a woman and talk to her, you might be using clever lines and getting a laugh from her, but your non-verbal language, your paralanguage, your eyes, your voice, how fast you’re talking, and the way you’re standing is all sending a different message to her.

It’s sending the message that you don’t think you have anything to offer. You feel guilty. You feel you’re taking something rather than offering something. Women see that message, and when they see that message, they believe it.

If you send a different message, they’ll believe that too.

The most effective technique I’ve found is simply keeping a journal, and on a daily basis, trying to change my mental habits to be more positive, more conducive to my goals.

Besides the journal, another thing that’s helped me is physically changing my life; doing concrete things that I’m proud of.

For example, for a while in my mid-twenties I was living at home. It was a problem. I didn’t feel confident.

I’d approach a woman, and in the back of my mind there’d be this sense of shame or embarrassment. This feeling of not being worthy plagued me. I set about moving out, and I moved in with a roommate, which was great for a while.

After a while, I said to myself I’m getting a little older. It’s time to get my own place. I realized that living with a roommate was hurting my confidence.

The fact is, moving was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. It was extremely stressful. But, when it was done I felt great. I actually felt really confident. I felt like I was on. Now I actually live a life and have the kind of place that a woman would want to come and hang out at, and she would want to be part of my life.

Now, there’s a balance between how obsessed you get with status and achieving material wealth, and how much is really necessary. There is a difference between overcompensating and living a life that you are satisfied with and proud of.

Don’t build castles in the sky, build your life up like a castle on the ground, brick by brick. Start with a solid foundation.

The old traditional way, the man sucking up to the woman and feeling inadequate and trying to appease her so that she’ll do him the honor of having sex with him – we’re flipping that completely. Your sex is a gift, and she feels lucky to have met you.

First, you must feel like a catch. After that, it’s all fine tuning, retraining yourself from old mental habits.

« Previous 1 … 5 6 7 8 9 … 14 Next »