Don’t Deceive Her

(Be a leader, show her what you want, stimulate RSA)

Prevents napp (what all guys do), deception – the one wrong thing men do with hot women and it’s the worst thing. *10

Men run into trouble particularly when talking to really hot women. Remember we’re always talking about the woman you really want. There’s a small shift when you talk to a woman whose extremely attractive.

Most men’s strategy with these women is to use deception in some form or another to create the impression that they are more successful than they actually are.

You try to be funny, which is not your natural personality. By trying to make more jokes than you normally would you’re presenting a caricature of yourself. You’re acting. It’s not who you really are.

You use deception because you’re trying to impress her. You’re trying to get her to like you.

And that’s actually the worst thing you can do, is try to seek a woman’s approval.

You look at any conventional dating advice: “10 ways to impress the girl you like”, “10 ways to impress women.”

Trying to impress a woman is opposite of what you should try to do.

Of course, you shouldn’t go up to women and try to make them hate you. But her opinion of you shouldn’t even be on your radar.

That’s not what leadership is about, and women are looking for leadership.

When you’re with a good friend that you’re comfortable with. You know that they like and appreciate you, so you don’t have to worry about their approval.

You can do that with women. You can even do that with extremely attractive women, and there’s no need for deception.

Women are always screening for deception. Women like sex, but there’s a lot of risk involved. If she’s going to surrender her body to be penetrated by you, she needs to trust you.

Think about how terrifying it would be to think that a man that’s inside of her has been deceiving her this whole time. Because there’s that level of risk, she has the best lie detector system that exists.

When you try to deceive women they can tell. And a lot of times they won’t say anything. They just excuse themselves.

I:PA*CE prevents you from using deception. And you may think of yourself as an honest person when you interact with women, but it;s very likely that to some degree, you’re putting on some a persona or act.

The primary way that men use deception is to pretend that they want to be a woman’s boyfriend, which leads them down the courting route.

They act like they really care about the woman, and they’re thinking about a long-term relationship when they’re really not.

They just want to have sex and hangout. The irony again is that women are okay with that if you turn them on.

A woman is okay with having sex with men outside of the conventional boyfriend/girlfriend situation, if she’s horny. If you make her horny. If she’s turned on by you.

Three ways to trigger those reactions from a woman are respect, safety and anticipation.

Be Ready For Her

The most important thing for day game is – you don’t need a warm-up. Because here’s what’s going to happen. It’s a Tuesday at 5:30pm and you’ve been sitting at work all day. You’re feeling shitty, you’re hungry, thinking about what to eat, then boom there she is.

You’re like “argh crap!” Because you want her but you just don’t have it in you right now. You don’t have the energy.

What you’re doing by consistently approaching is you’re gradually getting rid of that need to warm-up.

There are three main areas to consider here.

Firstly, make sure you are displaying pure warmth, and showing appreciation. Make her feel like a ray of sunshine just hit her. You need to cultivate that. She’s walking somewhere, she’s doing something, you need to have so much power, so much love, so much warmth emanating from you that it stops her day – it stops her direction.

Secondly remember to be completely honest. Just be really genuine and authentic right off the bat. Women are looking for that. That’s the one thing they’re looking for during the day.

At night it might be:

• Is he buff, is he slick?
• Does he have other girls talking to him?
• Is he a good dancer?

During the day it’s very different stuff.

• Is he honest?
• Do I feel good about this?
• Is this warm, is this positive?
• Is it loving?

And then the third thing is being able to relax. Relaxing is so important because it’s just going to make your interactions better. You have better conversational banter when you’re relaxed. Especially in a moving situation like the subway or public transportation or busy street corners where people are going to-and-fro. They got stuff they’re doing, everyone’s in a hurry.

You need to be aware of your surroundings. Aware of where she’s looking.

If I don’t feel like I’ve developed enough of a connection to where this number is really going to amount to something, you can use that to your advantage. If you feel like that and she’s looking down the block. Say “Hey, can I walk you to the corner?”

Saying something like that or say something like “I know I’m holding you up. I’m sorry. I’m just curious about you.”

She will be like “Oh, no that’s okay.” Then you keep talking.

If she says “Yeah, I gotta get going.”

Say “I can text you later or give you a call later. We can get to know each other more.”

So being relaxed will allow you to have that situational awareness. By far the most important thing about putting in the approaches is that when you eventually do see her and you’re having a shitty day, you’re dressed like shit. You’re not in a social mood. The situation is weird, she’s crossing the street you can still make it happen. So that you don’t find yourself thinking about that 10 you saw at Home Depot two years later.

You gotta be able to make that move right now when you’re not ready and the situation is awkward. If you can do that, you can have your ideal sex life. Not just a good one but you got three 10’s. Your ladies, your women, 3 of ‘them hitting you up wanting to come over and blow you.

That’s real. That’s what I have. It comes from being able to do stuff like that. That’s an elite skill. You never see guys able to pull that off. Never. So don’t be too hard on yourself thinking “Oh man, I suck. I’m a loser because I can’t do this.”

No guys do this.

Why? Because they’re scared.

So don’t get too hard on yourself, but at the same time, if you keep making excuses it’s just not going to happen for you.

Women’s Survival Strategy

Women, just like every other living being, are trying to survive. Women just have a different strategy than men.

This is the source of the misunderstanding between men and women. Women have a different physical situation than we do. Their size, their strength, their emotional needs, and their sexual biology.

A woman’s best survival strategy is to ally or bond with a strong, successful, dominant male. A leader.

A leader needs a vision of a better life; a goal of success. The term “leader” lends this idea that there’s motion, there’s a movement towards something.

A leader needs a goal, otherwise you’re not leading anything. Being a leader in today’s society is very different from what it used to be. It’s not hard to get food or shelter; just get a job, go to the grocery store and you’ll be fine. But even though we don’t necessarily need to be strong and dominant men and be leaders to get through our lives, women are still wired to respond to those things.

It’s not necessary to be a leader to live, but it is necessary to meet attractive women because they are still wired as they were fifty thousand years ago, and as men, we are, too.

That’s why a lot of times you’ll feel this kind of existential angst that a lot of people talk about now. It’s because our society doesn’t have any outlet for us to express this need to be a dominant leader, to be successful, to push ourselves. If it did, then we could try to achieve things.

In this way, we’ve got guys who really don’t understand what it is to be a leader because they never had to. At the same time, they feel this void, wondering what the hell is the point of their lives? Why are they even here?

When you have a vision, that question doesn’t really come up. You don’t feel that existential angst.

Just as you’re wired to notice a certain hip to waist ratio, legs, nice tits, a pretty face, she’s wired to detect certain things in you automatically.

You don’t see a woman with a nice figure and have to think about it, it just strikes you instantly. She’s wired in the same way, only she’s detecting different things because, remember, she has different survival needs, and she has a different strategy than you do.

She is wired to detect a man with a vision.

Now, what about the losers, and the drug dealers, the bums, the shitty poor guys who don’t have jobs, and the potheads who get the girls? I’ve seen a ton of these kinds of guys who have women in their lives and seem to be really attractive to them. You might look at these guys and think, well shit, you’ve got to be kidding–they don’t even have a job! You’re the one with the vision. Why don’t you have the girls?

The reason he has women is because he is better at communicating a vision than other guys who actually do have a vision. Even though he doesn’t have a real vision, he is better at communicating a vision.

How to Open Her Up

(I:PA*CE for opening conversations)

Always have an opener for any situation

Most methods out there either give you only one or two basic concepts, or they give you a huge list of techniques. The best way to get better is to find a middle ground – neither concept nor tactic.

What you need is five concepts. They’re not lines, they’re focalities.

You can use any of the five focalities to open to a woman in a way that’s fun, that makes conversation easy for her, and that triggers that sexual spark.

The five focalities also don’t undermine respect. A lot of men undermine respect, and ruin the respect women would have for them by being disrespectful, or by being too needy.

Men will often try to impress a woman by using deception, for example by using a pre-conceived line. Instantly the woman will recognize that you’re not someone she can respect.

No woman is going to sleep with a guy she doesn’t respect.

I try to refrain from using words like seduction,  pickup, or game because those words don’t hit the mark.

They’re not accurate. That’s not really what’s going on. What you really need to focus on is respect, safety and anticipation. You want to use I:PA*CE to trigger those.

Women Value Honesty

I see guys approaching women with a player face all the time. It’s kind of like a look that says yeah, I know what’s up. What’s up girl. I know what I’m doing, I got game.

It’s complete bullshit.

These guys look silly. Guys do this and it’s bad, it’s very bad. It comes from this idea that you need to be more than what you are. You can’t change the value you offer. Sure you want value. Value is why women are turned on by firemen and pure success.

If you have a lot of money – that’s value. You shouldn’t use that to seduce women because that’s corny, but if she meets you and likes you and finds out that you’re making 6 figures and you got a nice car – oh my God that’s totally offering value to her.

But you can’t change that right now talking to her. You can’t make 6 figures right now (unless you already are.) There’s nothing you can do about that.

So you want to be working on your value in your life, but right now there’s nothing you can do to change it immediately. So trying to put on an act as if you’re better than you really are is just a waste of energy. If you do, women can see that you’re acting.

That’s the main thing they’re looking for. They see that you’re acting. Honesty is way more important and honesty is not just in the things you say but it’s in the fact that you went for it. You did approach her. That’s honesty. You wanted to talk to her and you did it, even though you were scared.

That’s honesty in action. That’s courage. Most people succumb to fear and they don’t do what they really want to do. So you’re honest in terms of the fact that you did approach her. You’re honest in how you present yourself, the way you move and your facial expressions.

You’re not trying to look like you’re smooth or a player. Like you have some special knowledge and that makes you better than her.

You don’t have that. Your face is your face and what she see’s is what she gets.

Be honest verbally with what you say as well. Saying things like “Yeah, I don’t even know what I’m saying right now.”

Or I’ve said stuff before like “What’s your name?”

She says “Jenny.”

And I draw a blank and I’m like “I’m pretty sure you just made me forget my name.”

“…Oh wait, yeah, it’s Brian.”

And you’ll get a laugh. Now is that the smoothest, coolest thing you can say? Is she going to see you as this awesome stud?

Probably not, but you don’t need to be all that. She’s going to be thinking Oh, this is an honest guy. And you know what, yeah, maybe he’s a little awkward, but he’s got balls.

That awkwardness shows that you’re real. That’s so much more important to women. I mean, women despise liars. They despise lying men because it’s weak.

That’s where lying comes from. It comes from fear based on the illusion that you’re not good enough. So you don’t have to be smooth or know the right things to say or do it “right.”

For a woman, getting sexual with a guy is about giving up control.  That starts when you first meet her. There’s nothing women respect more than honesty. Get some self-effacing banter in there. Some little jokes about yourself. Tell girls that you didn’t plan this.

Say “I’m kinda awkward but I had to go for what I want. If I didn’t, i’d have kicked myself”

When I said that I was kind of looking off into the distance. I was thinking about it in my head.

So then I looked back at her and her eyes are going up and down my body. Now think about that. I’m awkward and I feel awkward and I’m making fun of myself and feeling like a tool. Meanwhile she’s looking me up and down.

You’ll see that, you’ll notice that.

Demonstrating Your Vision [Eyes On The Prize]

You always want to be demonstrating your mission and larger vision for your life –  putting your tasks and your goals first.

So if you’re working on a project, and you would have to compromise that project in order to see her, you don’t see her. You keep working on your project.

Sure it can be tough sometimes. Being horny, perhaps desperate and not having a lot of options – it’s easy to put everything down just to get a chance to have sex

Women can smell this, they can smell this on you, and it’s not attractive.

Vision is about your life outside of women. It’s about your ultimate goals, your mid goals and your short term goals.

I tend to organize my life into five year goals, one year goals and month to month goals.

Month to month goals are a little more colorful and sporadic. For example; one month I might decide, ok, I’m going to actually use this Spanish book I bought and learn Spanish. This month is going to be my jumping-off point for learning Spanish

Now, that’s a goal that women can help me with. When I lived in Florida, I mostly dated Hispanic women. A lot of them spoke Spanish and that’s something that I can practice with them; something we can share together. That’s one example of how vision Naturally flows into all aspects of your life.

Your ultimate goals are also something that you can share with women. For example; wanting to start your own business, maybe if you’re in a band, or you do some kind of artistic, creative work, having some kind of big goal like wanting to have your work in a museum, or to play to an audience of two thousand. You should keep track of what your goals are, and also discern what kind of goals they are.

There are two kinds of goals, and the second kind of goal is something that I don’t actually hear people talk about very much.

The first kind of goal is very common. It’s what you want to do, it’s stuff you want to have; to double your salary next year, or to buy a condo and invest in some real estate.

The other kind of goal is about who you want to be.

For me, being honest and being a kind, caring person is extremely important. That’s something I really had to be conscious of because I tend to have a hot temper sometimes. I have this negative side in me where I can really lash out, be negative and criticize people. So one of my goals is to reduce that and become a more positive, caring person.

Those are the kind of goals you should have when you imagine the kind of person you want to be. Think about what it takes to be that kind of guy. That’s a guy who’s focused, he’s mentally stable, he’s emotionally stable, he’s a guy who cares about his friends, has good relationships.

Those are goals as well, and women can help you out with them.

Your lifestyle should be aligned with your vision so every day should bring you closer to your goals. I have noticed in my interactions with people – and especially women – that I tend to talk a lot about my personal life. I’m an open book about my problems.

That’s because I don’t think there’s any reason to hide it, and the best resource I have for teaching is my own self because I’m going through life, experiencing the same kind of stuff as everyone else is.

I have noticed that I actually get depressed and will be in a bad mood if I’m doing stuff on a day-to-day basis that is not moving me towards my goals. I’ll actually feel bad and I’ll be in a bad mood.

How do you get in a good mood? What if you’re in a crappy mood and don’t feel like talking to anybody, but you see this hot girl that you want to meet? How do you change gears?

It almost always comes down to the lifestyle. But if you’re living a life that you’re not proud of – if you’re living a life that is not aligned with your goals – you’re going to feel bad about yourself.

That’s one of the reasons why Vision is so fucking important. It keeps you in a good mood.

Real Conversation Is A Breeze

Streamline Everything

– spent a long time planning what to say and id get nervous or it would come out weird.

– Dumb shit I did. Flowres acting macho tough, trying to use clever, funny lines, c and f, dhv

– I was always chasing while other guys got chased. I had to spend money and wait.

– Shy – bad at touch, logistics, relationships. All new hurdles. Took too much time. Journals to find common denominator

– Lauren – never again. Depressed, now almost every girl is like a soul mate there’s chemistry, passion, fun, connection, freedom!

– PB – every woman is different, but has core principles at work

– I used to go on dates and wonder when to make a move and I was usually wrong

(Men and women talk differently, I:PA*CE teaches you how to communicate on her level)

The biggest problem men have is not knowing what to say to women.

That’s because many men don’t understand the purpose of conversation. Usually when men talk they’re trying to solve a problem. But when you approach a pretty girl there’s no real problem to solve.

Men also talk to compete. They’re always subtly trying to one-up each other. Like men, women have their own games that they play conversationally.

Therein lies the problem: men and women play different games.

So when a man is talking to a woman and he’s in competition mode, he’s not going to be able to connect with that woman because that’s not what women are trying to do when they make conversation.

Women are all about creating alliances, forming connections, and making sure that they are understood. Women especially want to make sure that the other person understands how they feel and where they’re coming from.

As a man, your focus needs to be on connecting with her. That can seem very vague, and hard to apply in real life situations.

So how do you do it? Well, I:PA*CE can aid you in drawing out her authentic personality, and in expressing your own.

Even in casual conversation, I:PA*CE creates a mutually authentic experience.

You know those silly conversations that you have with your best friend? With I:PA*CE you can immediately and organically have that with women that you meet.

Most dating, pickup, or seduction methods out there are basically giving guys scripts and lines that give instructions on how to flirt with women.

99% of the stuff out there consists of prepared phrases and lines. It is a very structured way of flirting.

The problem with those methods is that they teach men to flirt with women through teasing. The Mystery Method and all these other popular dating methods (Cocky Funny, Double Your Dating) only teach guys how to tease women.

The problem with these methods is that they treat flirting as if it is one-dimensional. Teasing a woman only works when you’re doing it for the right reasons.

Approaching a girl and teasing her because you think somehow it’ll get you laid is going to come off as abrasive. It won’t seem natural to her and she won’t feel good about it.

I made that mistake when I was younger. Teasing women and coming off as a jerk because I wasn’t teasing them for the right reason.

Teasing a woman is a way to screen her. You’re trying to find out if she’s worth your time.

You want to do it in a playful way, with a smile on your face. But screening a woman with playful teasing is only one of the five focalities.

All of the methods out there are focused on flirting and what I’ve heard called the “attraction phase,” where you come in at high energy and tease the woman a lot to excite and engage her.

I’ve even seen goofy methods like using magic tricks designed to ensure the woman fails or messes up, giving you the opportunity to use your pre-scripted line “Oh my God, what am I going to do with you?”.

That’s all well and good, but I:PA*CE teaches you how to tease the her all the time. There should be no point in your interaction where you aren’t able to tease a woman.

You don’t need to remember a bunch of games. You can make up fun stuff like that on the spot and it will always be a million times better because it feels real, natural, and spontaneous.

I tease women that I haven’t seen for years. I tease women that I’ve known for years. I even tease women that I’ve just met, and I never have to plan it.

The conversations can range from goofy and casual to deep and personal. Teasing while flirting is just one of the five I:PA*CE focalities: appreciation and potential.

Anything that only focuses on one of the five focalities is giving you a very small fragment of the big picture.

Self-deprecating Approach

I saw this girl walk into the grocery store that’s near my place and she was hot. She was my type – really pretty brunette, looked exotic. She goes in there and so I just follow her in. Sometimes you can feel like you’re on the prowl when you’re going after women so to help me calm down I did a little grocery shopping.

So I’m in the grocery store and I just thought of a couple things I needed to buy. I bought like some lemonade and some tzatziki sauce. So I’m checking out and there’s a café over to the right just outside the store. I didn’t see her in the whole grocery store. It’s kind of small so I knew I didn’t miss her.

But I knew she was in the complex somewhere. So I’m walking out of the grocery store and I look over and see her sitting there outside the café with her computer. So I walk over and approach her.

I was nervous and I said  “Excuse me, I don’t mean to interrupt you. I just actually saw you outside and I thought you were so beautiful. I was just looking to see if you were over here and here you are so…”

At this point I’m trailing off like I don’t know what I’m really saying, I just started talking basically. But I just know from experience, it’s okay if I’m nervous. More importantly, it’s okay if I don’t say the perfect thing. What’s most important is that I’m going for it and I’m enjoying myself and I’m having fun.

Even though I’m nervous, I’m smiling and enjoying what’s happening right now. The way that I do that is, I actually make fun of myself a lot.

So what I said was “I saw you come in here and here you were… so here I am.”

I said it like that and just kind of looked down and then I was like “Yeah, obviously I didn’t really plan this out. Anyways what’s your name?”

She’s smiling, then she said something like “Oh, no it’s fine” and then she introduced herself. When I shook her hand I was shaking a tiny bit and I was worried that she would notice that.

Even if she did notice it, it didn’t matter. So all this stuff how you’re worried about how you look and being nervous and all that, she’ll still like you, it’s okay. That’s not what she cares about. What she cares about more is that you’re honest and that you’re warm.

You’re in a good mood, you’re excited about seeing her and even though you’re nervous. Being self deprecating always communicates as yeah sure, maybe I’m a little unsure of what I’m doing right now. Maybe I don’t have a plan or a script. Maybe I’m a little worried that you won’t like me. But i’m going for it.

At a core level, underlying all the bullshit thoughts I’m having right now is a super solid foundation. I wouldn’t be able to make fun of myself otherwise. I wouldn’t be able to stand here in front of you and look off in the distance and say “So, yeah, what’s your name?” And be totally comfortable with the fact that you’re staring at me, waiting for me to talk.

Think about what most guys do, they’re trying to do a lot of just talking, talking, talking. Worried that the girl’s going to get bored and just walk away. I’m communicating that even though I don’t know what I’m saying, I still fully expect you to sit there and look at me.

Making fun of yourself will help you out a lot. It relieves a lot of tension.

The Most Powerful Mindset For Sex (Giving vs. Getting)

You are not trying to appease others (especially women) so that they let you be in their lives.

You do not put pressure on her for sex.

First of all, sex is not something you are trying to get. Her vagina is not made of gold.

The attitude you should have is, you give it to her as a reward for her contribution. This, interestingly, is what actually turns women on.

This requires that she contributes something.

Most guys fuck this order up, and it’s the cause of all their problems.

They’re acting on faulty script.

First, they try to get sex before she has done anything to earn it (no, merely looking good does not constitute earning it).

So instead you want her to elicit her natural nurturing instinct, then escalate or reward her. Some kind of step forward in the interaction, a step which moves you toward sex.

Obviously it’s not like she buys you a drink and then you have sex with her, something a little bit more subtle than that. Say she buys you a drink and then you put your hand on her back and say, “Thank you sweetie. That was really nice of you” in a deep warm tone of voice.

What this says is: my touch, my physicality, my sexuality is a reward for your contribution.

I:PA*CE Makes You A Leader

I:PA*CE makes other men like and respect you. Now, this is important in two ways.

Firstly, the name of the site is “Go Beyond Dating” so I expect that you’re going to be using a lot of this information in other aspects of your life.

A lot of my students tell me “I do I:PA*CE at work and just got promoted” or “My boss likes me a lot more” or “I was able to lead this team project much better using I:PA*CE”.

I:PA*CE is leadership. It’s how a leader thinks.

A man at his best is a leader. That’s what a hero is, that’s what a warrior is, that’s what James Bond is.

All these archetypal figures that we look at as “real men” are really just leaders. At your best you’re a leader, and I:PA*CE is how to think as a leader. If you think like a leader, very rapidly, you become one.

Secondly, you’ll notice women being much more interested in you. You’ll notice that when women observe you interacting with other people, especially other men, they will be turned on by you.

I’ve noticed this personally. When I’m out by myself I don’t really get any looks from women. I’ll have to approach her myself without knowing if she’s noticed me or not.

But when I’m out with my buddies and we’re laughing and joking, I’ll notice women glancing at me.

The reason they notice me is because I’m demonstrating leadership. I’m embodying I:PA*CE with my friends.

Women observe this and they see the respect and appreciation that I’m getting from these other men. And she thinks to herself, He’s the leader. The other men respect him.

That’s a more common way that men actually get women interested in them. By being in a position of authority that commands respect from other men.

I personally advocate approaching women that you don’t know, and that have never seen you before.

Think about how many times you see a beautiful woman that you’d like to meet but you don’t know her. You pass a woman on the street, in a café, or in a bar and you don’t do anything because you don’t know her.

Well, I think that’s stupid. In order to become good at approaching women, you have to be comfortable approaching women you don’t know. That’s what this is all about.

But you’ll also notice that women that you do know, are women that are able to observe you interacting with other men, who will become very interested in you as a result and will make that interest obvious.

My students have experienced this, they tell me things like: “Since I’ve started doing I:PA*CE, there’s this really cute girl in the office that’s been talking to me a lot more and asking me about my weekend plans.”

That’s going to happen naturally when you start using I:PA*CE. One of the biggest problems guys have is not knowing what to say to women. I:PA*CE makes conversation a breeze.

(New bullet) Goes beyond status and value (if you’re loner/new/broke/shorter etc). * if you’re sick of trying to “display ‘Alpha Male’ characteristics, than this is for you

Makes other men like and respect you (women see this and men get out of your way).