Dating Coach For Men part 1: teaching a system vs. a system of teaching

I am a dating coach for men. I’d like to talk about what this job entails, and what my vision is for other guys who claim this job title.

Many who say they are a dating coach for men may have great systems for picking up women, but they don’t have good systems for teaching it.

If you can pick up girls, great. A lot of guys can do that. But that’s not really what you get paid for. A dating coach for men gets paid to teach it. Being good with women is just a prerequisite, not the job.

When you step back and think about it, it’s astonishing that a dating coach for men would simply have his own system that he teaches, but not have an organized structure for delivering the information to his student.

The learning process itself is something I’m fascinated with. I have considerable skill in a small handful of areas, and I attribute this skill to my ability to learn. I have structures that I use for myself when I want to learn something. The first ingredient is always passion. But there are other things I can do to internalize new information.

As I developed as a dating coach for men, one of my passions emerged – learning itself, or should I say teaching. I recall as an intern with Vin Dicarlo that I’d find myself standing in the mirror giving a presentation to an imaginary audience. This is actually one method of learning – to teach what you know so the concepts become connected and solidified in your mind.

At the time I didn’t realize it, but I have a natural inclination towards presenting, persuading, speaking, and teaching. I enjoy teaching so much that one of my hobbies is to volunteer with young children to help them with school work or reading skills or whatever is needed. Seeing someone else master a skill is extremely rewarding, as making a great meal is rewarding to someone who loves to cook.

I have another natural inclination (and I am not trying to make myself sound great here – I have a huge list of faults. I have become aware of my small set of talents as I’ve gotten older). I like to create structures and systems out of whatever I’m interested in. This is another tool in learning something – make an organized structure out of it: the structure can be an outline, a metaphor, a list, etc. For some reason, I’m obsessed with organizing information.

This makes me a natural teacher, and I’m grateful that I was able to discover this in myself while working for Vin. The first time I was in front of a room full of students explaining how women think, I felt right at home. I don’t think I would have figured this out if Vin had not thrown me into the fire and believed in me.

When people ask me what I do and I say “I’m a dating coach for men” I sometimes get strange reactions.

The two most common are disbelief or fascination. But to me it makes perfect sense. I like to teach, I’m hopelessly girl-crazy, and I am good at creating conceptual systems.

My passion no longer figuring women out. I know enough to have great abundance in that arena. What I’m really fascinated about is teaching effectively. I’d like to get a phd in a field relating to accelerated learning and teaching. The mind is so exciting to me. I wonder what other things I could learn, and then teach. I love being a dating coach for men because it’s given me great insight into how to teach more effectively. The ALT6 system I’ve developed over the past 6 years is a culmination of all my experiences, notes, reading, and reflecting. It’s like a sculpture I’ve spent years creating and I’m very proud of it. I guess that makes me kind of a nerd – I’m proud of a conceptual framework. Hang that on your wall! But seriously, I wonder, what other skills I could apply it to. I’m by nature very curious, and I know that at some point in the near future I will take my passion for learning into other fields.

I truly believe in what I do as a dating coach for men, and even though I have competitors in this business, I think it’s great that other guys provide this service too. I think it’s a noble cause because it benefits women as well. It also leads to more positive, loving connections between men and women, so when children enter the picture, they benefit too. I’d like to see more guys who call themselves a dating coach for men be just as passionate about teaching as they are about their own dating lives!