Have you ever heard a woman say she “likes a man who knows what he wants?” This term relates to her wanting a man with a strong intention, but also a man who has clear relationship expectations. In other words, he knows what he wants.

Hotter women have high relationship expectations. You should too.

Demonstrating a strong intention is often confused with having confidence – not just in dating, but in any context where one has a goal, and is being observed.

Confidence means expecting a good result, or at least thinking it’s attainable. But having a strong intention means knowing what you stand for, what you want for, and the rules you will obey on the path to get it.

So when a woman says, “I like a man who goes for what he wants,” she’s not talking about confidence. She’s talking about a man who takes action, with integrity. Also, she wants a man who is clear on his relationship expectations. She wants to know what you expect of her, if a relationship develops.

Integrity and intention are subjects deserving deep exploration. For now, I want to connect these ideas with the narrow topic of talking about past relationships, and current friendships, with a new woman. You can talk about past or current relationships to set relationship expectations.

You can use past relationships to set future relationship expectations.

I’ve heard advice discouraging guys from mentioning past failed relationships, but if you are getting acquainted with a new woman, the topic will come up. It’s a good opportunity to establish Standards, Screen this woman, and Shape her (to some degree).

This creates a dynamic where she sees your standards, and Respects you more. Remember, Respect is the first trigger of her sexual arousal (the 1st Gate of Control). If she tries to meet your standards, at least verbally, she gives you an opportunity to escalate as a reward.

And in doing so, she has shaped herself to your relationship expectations. This is why I advise talking about past girlfriends to display standards, screen, and shape a new woman you’re seeing.

First, don’t go on about how in love you were with this girl, that you are still thinking about her, and definitely do NOT talk about her in a disparaging way (“She’s a bitch, she broke my heart, etc”).

In a casual tone, bring up a girl from your past. “I dated this girl awhile back…”

“We got along great at first, but after awhile I felt like (here you can insert whatever standard you have that was not met).”

For example, “She didn’t have her own life and was very needy with my time. So this meant she never had much to talk about. And when I wanted time to myself to play the guitar, or hang out with my boys, she would get upset and whine that I was avoiding her.”

“It was a tough decision because she was otherwise very nice, very nurturing. She treated me great…And I loved that. It made me want to take care of her in return. But I need a woman who is not needy, who has her own life and can give me space without getting jealous.”

You are saying what you like, and you’re implying that there’s a big reward if she is meets your standard. And you’re subtly setting relationship expectations moving forward.

You can also use current friendships to set future relationship expectations.

Talk about your friends in a way that demonstrates standards in a positive way. First, I highly recommend NEVER talking about your friends in a negative way. Once you become emotionally close with a woman, it’s fine to discuss real conflicts you may have with your friends.

But as a general rule, use your friends as conversational fodder to demonstrate what you expect from the people in your life. You can start with a funny story about your buddy, and then finish with something like, “He’s crazy but I love the guy. I feel like I can tell him anything without being judged. I hate walking on eggshells around people. If you’re my friend we should be able to truly be ourselves around each other.”

To summarize, talk about your relationships to set standards, screen to create an escalation opportunity, and use her agreement to shape the evolution of your relationship.

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